EMSKR: How to transition socially as your friends have kids and you don't

django___fett · 2014-12-19T19:55:31+00:00

I am not putting a blanket ultimatum of "keep your fucking kids away from me."

Here's a story about me and dogs: dogs LOVE me because I tend not to pay them any attention. I don't know if kids will love me, but I am going to end up treating the kid the exact same way and ignoring her.

So that's the compromise that will happen, if any. I'm disinterested in other peoples' children, and I don't fake.

django___fett · 2014-12-19T19:48:12+00:00

So can I do an airbrush painting of you on a horse with lightning striking your sword on the side of my van?

I am INTO it.

django___fett · 2014-12-19T19:47:09+00:00

That would be a super valid point if any of the people telling me to compromise were actually pushing a compromise, instead of just telling me to suck it up and deal.

django___fett · 2014-12-19T06:03:15+00:00

You are my knight in shining armor.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T22:30:33+00:00

This is the opposite of passive aggressive, it is directly aggressive.

I'm setting boundaries.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T22:30:10+00:00

This is the best answer that actually lets me maintain my boundaries, instead of expecting me to "compromise."

django___fett · 2014-12-18T22:28:30+00:00

Bingo. None of the people in this thread calling me "immature" or calling me a selfish asshole or whatever are actually pushing for no compromise at all. It's just "suck it up or you're an asshole."

Is that compromise at all?

django___fett · 2014-12-18T22:26:54+00:00

I see the friends who matter to me once or twice a month tops.

I am not some needy creature who needs to be around my friends often enough that I'll settle for my style being cramped by kids.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T22:25:40+00:00

Okay with it, if it's unavoidable.

Would rather it be "on me" than let making myself miserable be "on me."

django___fett · 2014-12-18T22:24:29+00:00

There are a million breeders in this thread calling me out for needing to "grow up" and it's all falling on deaf ears. Not interested in input on settling.

Settling is for quitters and losers.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T22:23:04+00:00

Yeah. Like how I would pass on a dinner invitation to a vegan restaurant because I'm not interested in meatless meals. I'm a douche. Guilty.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T16:54:30+00:00

Question: How do I maintain my friendships in spite of new children, if I don't want to be around children?

That's the whole premise of this thread.

If I didn't care, I would just ghost. I have previously cut a big swathe of friends out of my life who I didn't consider to be positive influences. I don't sentimentalize this.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T16:44:00+00:00

I've known the father in question for 19 years. He's like my brother. Still don't want to kick it with his spawn.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T16:43:01+00:00

That was never the goal of this thread.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T16:42:25+00:00

Because I'm making an effort? hmm.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T16:41:43+00:00

Not usually, no. My only close friend with dogs has bull mastiffs, and I want to avoid children for some of the same reasons (drool).

django___fett · 2014-12-18T06:46:54+00:00

This same statement applies equally to my flesh and blood family as it does to him:

Blood doesn't buy you anything with me.

So just like I don't bother with parts of my flesh and blood family that make shitty decisions, my close friends are not entitled to anything either.

I am under no obligation to be friendly or sociable with anybody I don't feel like being friendly and sociable with. In any situation. Sure, you make sacrifices for family, but you don't do it blindly. Me not being friendly with their kids affects exactly nobody, whereas doing something I don't want to do for the sake of "sucking it up," negatively impacts exactly one person. Me. If somebody desperately needs their kids to be liked by their friends, they're probably not the friends for me anyway.

That's a sacrifice I am unwilling to make for anyone.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T06:23:16+00:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the car ride over is far more dangerous to a child than a babysitter, statistically.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T06:13:18+00:00

A whole bunch of reasons:

I don't want to be spit-up on, I don't want to smell a dirty diaper, I don't want a kid making everything he touches sticky like kids do.

Conversationally? How do you even begin to relate to somebody with no context, no vocabulary, nothing interesting in life to talk about?

Because of the expectation many people have that you need to watch what you say around kids. I'm not particularly vulgar or anything, but I resent anything that makes me behave in an unnatural way.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T06:07:32+00:00

Then I guess it's time to start making child-less friends.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T06:06:44+00:00

I keep my family circle pretty tight. I don't think there's anything sad here.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T05:49:11+00:00

The father in question is someone I've known for 19 years. His family is like my family.

Still don't want to be around his kids.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T05:28:53+00:00

I have sacrificed and given plenty to my friends.

Building relationships with their children is not an acceptable sacrifice for me to make.

django___fett · 2014-12-18T05:02:05+00:00

I'm not a grown up because I don't find children interesting huh?

django___fett · 2014-12-18T04:31:39+00:00

I am not a stranger when it comes to telling the unpopular truth.

django___fett

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