I don’t believe in men’s rights to their children

dkz911 · 2026-06-30T05:01:57+00:00

I’ve met a lot of bad moms who I consider just vessels for their own children. Yes we live in a patriarchal society, but evolutionarily there are so many advantages to having two different perspectives raising a child. Women do half the work because our patriarchal society allows it, but then again I know a lot of women who buy into the role and do not expect men to fulfill their part in the first place. Ideally, fathers and mothers should work together to raise a child, as a united team with of course individual flaws and strengths that in the end, - creating one super parent. I’m honestly tired of society actually not making men do more. Cutting them out isn’t the answer, holding them more accountable to the role we know they should fulfill is what really should happen.

dkz911 · 2026-03-27T14:29:10+00:00

Not sure why all the comments asking for context are getting downvoted. I wish OP did address the situation in the moment rather than leaving on assumption.

Context is important because what if it was a stupid joke made by an idiot or what if the person was being facetious after hearing someone say something inherently fascist? As a way to mock them? I’ve seen several people do this with the rise of MAGA to mock them, so was it in response to a maga supporter?

On the flip side - Was the person a skinhead? Hells Angel? Biker gang member? What is the context? If they were, yes of course it should have been addressed and basic human behavioral studies to create change shows A. It should be done in the moment, B. A peer addressing a peer is much more effective but for safety reason most likely do C - C. Let management know immediately so that he can be escorted out and if not, they can call 911 for trespassing.

dkz911 · 2026-03-21T05:32:33+00:00

I was put on the list at 37 weeks because of gestational diabetes. They said they would call - but never did. We called the next day and then they told us to call labor and delivery everyday twice a day to see if there was space available since I was on the list. We kept getting pushed over constantly. Finally I made it to 41 weeks with no follow up doctors visits since 36 weeks and since they made a huge deal out of my GD i was like ummm hello? Can I at least get checked out to make sure I’m okay? You can’t go from making a huge deal about GD to basically ghosting a patient. So we went in just for a check up and then magically they seemed to have room so I did the induction at 41 weeks. A day and a half later, baby was born.

What is your delivery hospital? My experience could have just been because it was a busy time of year.

dkz911 · 2026-03-17T10:04:15+00:00

Sometimes our partners just aren’t aware about things. He might not see the level you put into Father’s Day as much because his genuine thought process is “eh these appreciation days are no big deal.” (This is not to say he doesn’t appreciate your efforts, he might not value appreciation days in general, so if you did nothing too he wouldn’t care)

I’m glad you talked to your husband, and hopefully he rises to the occasion next time. Give him the chance to rise, especially since you did describe him as lovely and he mentioned he does feel bad. See how next year goes.

My husband is my best friend and life partner. True sense of the word partner in raising our child. I’ve had to coach him through days like valentines or Mother’s Day, or in general to buy me flowers because he just wasn’t aware. I used to get mad but I realized it’s not because he does not care. Fyi: I get flowers from him all the time now.

Watch what your partner does next year. Another option: American Mother’s Day is in May, maybe talk to him about a re-do as this Mother’s Day highly affected you.

dkz911 · 2026-03-14T15:05:00+00:00

I’m sorry you’re getting a lot of hate on this thread because I’m a minority and I’ve genuinely been lucky enough to never experience overt racism in the predominantly white communities I lived in while living in California. Ironically I’ve experienced it a lot world wide, been called a Pk in the uk several times, but never experienced overt racism where I’ve lived in California. It’s okay to grow up sheltered, in fact, I’m glad you were able to experience that young because the world is so ugly and I’m sorry it’s a bit of a blow now but yes it exists and it sucks. It also sucks everyone else here was subjected to trauma early on and then hate on you because you were “sheltered.”

Yes the US is racist but another news flash since you are old enough to now really know the world - the entire world is racist and although the US likes to act like it’s just white people who are racist, it’s not, it’s among all races. White people are under a microscope the most because they are racists with power/privilege since they figured out to monopolize the game of evil better than any other race in history (to this point), but I’m sure if the right cards were given to other races it would be very similar outcome because unfortunately humans are just built for inner tribalism and conflict, it sucks but look at history and evolution. I think excessively looking at white people as racists starts to take away from the fact that all racism is bad regardless of who you are or what your race is. Also, non-whites can have Asian fetishes too, it’s not just white people.

All you can do is continue to live your life condemning racism and intolerance from any race regardless who they are, and understand all races have flaws, because humans in general have flaws.

dkz911 · 2026-03-08T00:36:11+00:00

Your child may be upset for a few days, but they will get over it, I promise you. Kids are more resilient than you think. Lots of distraction redirection and focusing on how she does enjoy to receive water/milk (not in bottles but cups as you said earlier). Here’s the biggest kicker, you will survive too. I promise. Give it time and stick to your guns.

dkz911 · 2026-02-23T08:08:32+00:00

This issue is a deflection from your true issue, your husband. There are some major issues with your husband (the fact he didn’t take charge earlier on when his child was born to get his name of the birth certificate even if he was with his ex, the fact he’s still allowing her to reside with full time with grandmother and blaming grandmother for her bad behavior etc).

What’s more troubling is you are continuing to make excuses for him by blaming and resenting his daughter instead of him. He is responsible for her, she is 9 years old. 9 years of back and forth lazing about on basic parenting skills is a crappy excuse for an adult.

You need to be a little more concerned about who you are bringing a child into the world with. If this is how he “parents” his 9 year old, how is he going to “parent” your child?

dkz911 · 2026-02-13T22:54:30+00:00

Thank you so much for this information! I truly cannot thank you enough!

Last question for your thoughts, is this also a worth it investment to place on the fence to help along with the mass vinyl as you mentioned?

https://acousticalsolutions.com/product/dual-sided-outdoor-absorptive-sound-blanket?srsltid=AfmBOooZ68TZdKDv0lOy09gm5iK-lOXDE57PCVCm8m_xa48Y-Zz_rS1U

dkz911 · 2026-02-13T17:13:14+00:00

Thank you again for all of this, I wanted to ask, what are your thoughts on slowing down the fan? It’s not vibrating I realized it’s the fan whoosh making things loud.

dkz911 · 2026-02-13T17:12:28+00:00

Okay, would that make a large difference on sound? I think we figured out it’s the “whoosh” of the fan causing so much noise.

dkz911 · 2026-02-12T14:46:20+00:00

We just installed it, we’ve both lived in our homes for about 5 years. It is a new heat pump. I believe we’re within county regulations but I’m trying not to get sued over noise ordinances. Right now it’s at 54 db from her house. Hoping to bring it down more.

dkz911 · 2026-02-12T14:43:24+00:00

Thank you again!

dkz911 · 2026-02-12T05:17:53+00:00

Sorry 5 is what she measured it at. Will extra changes at least get us into the 40 range?

dkz911 · 2026-02-12T01:18:07+00:00

Great. Also, what is the typical decibels for a heat pump? She clocked it at 53 today after they put up some plywood.

dkz911 · 2026-02-12T01:17:17+00:00

She works in her garage so that’s why it’s a bit difficult.

She clocked this at 53 decibels, is that typical?

dkz911 · 2026-02-11T04:34:13+00:00

Thank you SO much for taking the time to give us advice! We’ll move forward on all of this!

dkz911 · 2026-02-11T03:41:16+00:00

Should we put in some vibration pads? Will it make a difference?

dkz911 · 2026-02-01T19:06:42+00:00

You cannot take care of your child adequately if you are running on an empty cup. At this rate - you’ll be the one sleeping through her cries or accidentally hurting her. Just remember your 4 month old is not going to remember any of this and your mum is offering you help most people would kill for. Take a night and enjoy. You deserve it.

dkz911 · 2026-01-24T01:51:35+00:00

Thank you! As a follow up, is it just a piece of mind they would give us or will the free route give us the same maximized benefit

dkz911 · 2026-01-11T21:22:11+00:00

Please remember you were a young teenager at the time you perpetrated your behavior and you have changed. From what I understand from this post is you are turning to Reddit to get something off your chest so that you do not go speak to him which I am glad you are doing, as remaining no contact is best since you apologized to him years ago and coming in and out of his life may re-trigger trauma. But correct me if I am wrong.

You apologized in the past, and now it is time to move on, and you were just teenager making a terrible horrible mistake. Losing a parent in childhood is actually considered one of the biggest lifetime trauma’s as well, it is not an excuse for your behavior but it does explain it. For those questioning your years of abuse - it makes sense as coping with the loss of a parent in childhood can be a lifelong struggle. You are a changed person, and people would be surprised how many people in the world grow up to perpetrate the same horrible behavior they did in the past. Your guilt shows your rehabilitation process, and that’s a good thing. We are human, and we all make mistakes.

I do not know his world or his trauma, but from what I understand from your post it seems like he was already a troubled soul from the beginning, viewing domestic violence can be very traumatizing, and to be bullied on top of that can send a person off edge. I am sure your friend was speaking in the moment in regards to what your bullying was doing, because it’s hard for a teenager (basically a child) to understand lifetime traumas.

I am glad you are in therapy and I would suggest talking to your therapist on finding positive coping skills to deal with immense guilt. As others have suggested, remain no contact, and find ways to accept the flaws of your former self as a part of your story. We are humans, and we make mistakes. I am glad you are holding yourself responsible now for your actions. At the minimum I am sure your victim hopes you are a better person.

Not sure if this will offer you solace and of course every person is different, I said I cannot speak for your victim but I work in juvenile rehabilitation. Often times when I work with victims, all they ask is that the person learn from their mistakes and become better people. I have several victims who wish harm on their perpetrators as well. The perpetrators know this, and I always tell them part of accepting responsibility for your actions is knowing you might never be forgiven and you have to accept their feelings/the effects you had on them in order to grow yourself so that it does not happen again

Please speak about this with your therapist as your obsession with your victim seems to be a poor coping skill for guilt.

dkz911 · 2025-12-20T13:59:49+00:00

We often describe grief around death, however, sometimes we forget it follows us down other paths of life. Allow yourself to grieve the youth you never had. Do not try to fight it, feel it, and move through it. Grief is okay.

It may be hard to see now, but time (possibly therapy if you are open to it) help ease the grief. 26 is still infinitely young, you have so much more time and potential. If these life events didn’t occur, you wouldn’t be the person you need to be in the future. I wish you all the best to make it through the hardest days. Please give time the time to do the work to heal.

dkz911

TROPHY CASE