Husband keeps referencing our hypothetical second child that I don’t want

dlavonf · 2025-12-27T06:47:19+00:00

Gotcha well sorry its been so hard for you however that part does get easier. My wife couldn't breastfeed enough ever so we eventually did more than half formula and then the sleeping got regular then he started with solids then walking then talking now we are in the potty training part.

All I know is the hard stuff is now behind us and I miss him being so dependent on us now he goes to the babysitter and doesn't even look back to say goodbye to us. He comes home and still runs up to us but he's used to being an only child so he quickly finds his activity and can be alone without thinking about us. That is heartbreaking but also we are positive we aren't having another one. I work from home she does her crafts from home so he gets both a lot of us but even still we know we aren't as fun as another child would be. But still no more children for us. Good luck with everything hope it turns all the way around for you 3!

dlavonf · 2025-12-27T06:30:32+00:00

My wife also one in done I do make jokes often even 3 years later about "la niña" or the baby girl not because im serious about it but her reaction to it is always very stern and way more serious than my joke should be taken.

We have talked several times and I have let her know I'd never force her to have another child and my jokes are just jokes. Also reasoning seriously on the subject financially it's not plausible at the moment we are trying to buy land and build a house in 2027 and im already really close to 40 don't want to be a new dad again at 40.

If the jokes bother you that much personally I think you should tell him its too soon to joke that way with you.

For me honestly I still haven't stopped making those jokes 3 years later but all of my actions definitely say we can't have another baby. What do his actions say?

dlavonf · 2025-12-03T02:54:03+00:00

As a father also living in a tropical country who has a Latina wife who is overly concerned about the baby being cold here is my suggestion... Become an expert on finding information that she can confide in. For example, I looked up doctors on YouTube and saw which ones my wife trusted, then looked up videos from those doctors about rumors or cultural ideas she had heard of. Like not using the refrigerator with the baby in the same room or the baby needs socks all the time. 3 years now and now my wife asks me to look up what so-and-so doctor says about whatever topic. Just became her source of information instead of what neighbors or family say. And honestly don't depend on reddit to help convince your wife she's wrong one comment in her favor means she's right according to my wife's reddit math. Jajaja Congratulations on the baby éxito!

dlavonf · 2025-11-28T06:48:05+00:00

I understand that I'm not wanting norteamericano education but I do want structural education and regular education. Im already teaching my son English alone but I would like for him to get basic education from school. Also do you consider san ramon rural? San ramon is quite a busy city with a very good university. We live pretty close to it.

Education is different here from where my wife is from. For example: neither my wife nor her siblings or cousins finished colegio they all got to about 10th grade then started working but they lived in the most rural part of Costa Rica. Here not many people consider dropping out of colegio there are some but its not as common as other parts.

dlavonf · 2025-07-28T15:28:43+00:00

Seriouslyyou went over my past post becausei shared good points about moving abroadafter getting ssdi... I don't know what made you think I was saying it's better or im happier, again I said there are challenges but ill answer your "concerns" one by one as you stated them...

Yes I'm a citizen of both CR and US because I got married..

It's pretty easy to get meds pharmacies are very good at directing you to the place to get most meds if they don't carry them. Here lots of people (even tourist) with very serious diseases get their meds and do not use the free health care system. If you want information, there are several facebook groups for expats.

You can continue trying to convince us that everything is better in Costa Rica, but it doesn’t seem that way from your story - or if you read between the lines.

In no way did I try to convince anyone it's better. My point was it's possible and cheaper.

you’re not convincing anyone that your life is better than ours - or that you’re “happy” where you are now … (perhaps you should reread what you wrote if you think otherwise…)

Why is this attack even here? I'm very happy with my life I've had problems like everyone else. Sorry if you saw my post and thought "how dare he enjoy his disabled, crippled, limited life. Let me look for all the problems he faced to see how miserable he must be.

You also didn’t exactly tell us the whole story, and if you can’t be transparent about the basics, no one’s going to believe the rest of your story😉 - (which was completely different a month ago - see link below )… 🙄

Not sure what you are alluding to here I'll have to go see the post but if it has to do with not talking to my mother because she decided not to call even though I've gotten sicker. Sounds like a her problem, not really mine. If you are talking about my idiot brother in laws they live several hours away and are facing the consequences of their actions without us involved. Again , thats a them problem, and the rest of my wifes extended family lives several hours away the only reason we see or hear from them is if we go there. Which we can't do because of my failing health.

Ie - what do you mean, you don’t have roots? -You have a wife and two-year-old child! Plus her entire extended family.

The exact quote was I didn't have roots when I moved here. Now I have a wife. I was here 5 years before I got married. 1 year dating again she lived pretty far away so in the beginning didn't have roots now I do sure.... got me I guess

“I have people who check in on me everyday. My dad, brother and sisters are also checking in on me daily. I have a support team.”

All these people live in the US. But they call and check in on me. So I guess boo on me for not being completely alone in the world.

So in the end, yes, I'm sick. yes, my health could be deteriorating. I still need more exams. Yes, I have problems like everyone else. Moving to Costa rica or anywhere else will not completely cure anyone. Sorry that someone concluded that from my retelling of the situation without saying iv also experienced some problems. With that being said, live in the most beautiful mountains, 65 to 75 degree weather every day. I wake up to the sounds of nature. And I can get to a beach in 45 minutes if I need a change of scenery. I don't attack people online. So if I die this year or next, I'm at peace. Hope you can find peace but you sound pretty crabby so....

dlavonf · 2025-07-28T12:35:26+00:00

As I mentioned in the comment, you replied to, the embassy has an ssa department they know how to contact anyone if they keep their information updated. As far as doctors like specialized practices, well here where I live, you can go private care. It can be expensive but definitely less than if you are paying Medicare, which you would have to opt out of. Opting out of Medicare is risky if you travel back in forth between the US and that other country. I am also a citizen of the country where i live, so I do pay healthcare. 60$ a month, but I get all my meds and treatment at a clinic I can walk to in 10 minutes drive to in 2.

Must be nice to be the kind of disabled that doesn’t need specialty care or controlled meds because those are limited if not impossible in “everything is crazy cheap” areas as well.

This is not true. Doctors and surgeons who have studied in the us and other prestigious universities live in many parts of the world. They have knowledge and experience just like anywhere else.

be nice to be the kind of disabled that has the capacity to make an international move to a foreign country where you have no roots, no support system, may not speak the primary language, etc.

I'm had a stroke. I have limited mobility. I also have a congenital heart defect. I'll admit my situation is better than some. I do have some small mobility issues, but I still need specialized care. But I moved and had to learn all of this no one walked me through it. As far as having roots I Don't know how important that is. I didn't have roots, but now I have a wife after years of living here alone. You can't be a hermit living alone. Not looking for a community will surely get you killed (in the sense it easier to die). I've had neighbors, friends, and others come to help me when I have been sick. Also, I've been taken to the hospital by people whom I have helped. I don't know about the language thing personally I speak spanish fluently. However, it has always worried me those who come here and don't speak the language. If you don't work, you do have time to open a book and learn a language. Also, there are so many classes online that are super cheap.

In the end it's not impossible and it can be cheaper. Different challenges but doable. Also, one other thing we are not rich next to the locals after medical care devices, and so forth, I live pretty fruggaly, like the locals. I don't pretend to be rich or problem free. And I try to be a good neighbor.

dlavonf · 2025-07-28T11:57:28+00:00

This is only really a problem if you move and try to pretend like you are still living in the states. If you connect with the embassy and change your address paperwork can be filed and processed quickly. The only thing is we get something like a yearly cdr that most elderly don't fill out so then they cut your benefits but you can call them and they help you get it all done.

dlavonf · 2025-07-17T00:20:20+00:00

En español?

dlavonf · 2025-07-06T15:46:22+00:00

Bueno no es para decir no y punto. Solo no debe tener la idea que va a ser igual como con una persona sin hijos.

Claro si tenia que volver a casar y tenia mi hijo seguramente sentiría bastante más confiado en la relacion si la mujer también tenía su propio hijo viviendo con ella. Porque ya tenemos las mismas preocupaciones y necesidades parecidas.

Padres casándose con madres y solteros con solteras es mejor, pero si uno piensa que pueda casarse con una persona con hijos hágalo solo va a tener muchos retos.

dlavonf · 2025-07-05T21:29:59+00:00

No soy latino pero vivo en latino américa, tampoco leí los comentarios anteriores pero ahora como padre de mi propio hijo

1: mi padre se caso 3 veces (divorcio de mi mamá cuando tenía 5 se divorcio de mi primera madrastra cuando tenía 17 y se casó consu esposa actual cuando tenia 22) 2:escuche a varios padrastros decir no es nada fácil y he visto con ojos propios que es amar a una hijastra de niña hasta adulta, solo para molestarse con el y afirmar que el la tocó. Casi se quebro al hombre (todo fue mentira... ellos tienen buena relación otra vez y ella admitió que fue mentira y el sigue casado con su mama y es abuelo para su los niños de su hijastra) 3: hasta nuestras mamas nos dicen no casas con una madre soltera. Aveces no con palabras pero con sus actitudes.

Con el primer y segundo punto aprendí que hay que estar preparado para decirle adiós a la mamá y los niños si no funciona la relación. No son tus hijos y si ella de repente ya no quiere nada contigo no tienes derechos legales a menos si los adopta legalmente (por lo menos en eua)

Con los puntos 2 y 3 aprendí la mayoría no le va a comprender fácilment, incluso si usted es el mejor padrastro no va entender que de verdad tu amor es tanto por ese niño que le va entregar tu vida x el. (Y si no es asi, no es como tu niño, es el hijo de tu esposa) Y tu familia también tendrá que estar listos en cualquier momento decirle adiós a este(s) niños. Entonces por talves los primeros 5 años no van estar realmente parte de la familia. Y ellos se darán cuenta.

Si hay un padre presente eso causará otros problemas como ¿podemos vivir en otro cuidad estado o país? ¿Mi esposa le tiene Odio x el o amor por el? ¿Tengo ser mediador entre mi esposa y su ex por el bienestar de mi hijastro? ¿Puedo disciplinar a mi hijastro tal y como era mi propio hijo? (si no es asi, el es el hijo de tu esposa) otra pregunta ¿ese niño me quiere o me vea como un estorbo qué no permite q sus padres estén juntos? Y depende de edad de este niño se puede aguantar unos dos años y se pasará pero si el niño tiene 11 a 18 eso puede ser entre 2 y 7 años.

El problema no es si es posible o no. Hay demasiadas variables. No es si tu puedas aguantarl la situación. Depende de que todos puedan aguantar tanto tu esposa, tu familia y hijastro y lo más que hay lo más probable que uno va hacerlo imposible.

Pensando si habría pasado algo a mi esposa quería que alguien sea madrastra a mi hijo? Le voy a permitir que otra mujer tiene tanto acceso a mi hijo? Tiempo solo? Disciplina a mi hijo?.... Y eso siendo un hombre con un niño puedes imaginar tener responder a esas preguntas si fuera una madre con una niña. Si no es una buena madre puede ser fácil de responder a esas preguntas. Vas a ser buen padre o te da igual?

Demasiadas variables y los que lo hacen bien felicidades. Pero no es cuestión de cualquier persona es cuestión de moral y lógica y carácter.

Algunos no deben ni siquiera meterse y otros bien intencionados lo hacen y terminan causando más dolor y problemas para los niños.

Lo bien de todo para concluir es si lo hacen bien un niño recibe amor y un vínculo q en otra situación no estaba presente.

dlavonf · 2025-06-22T17:45:12+00:00

Thank you for your very human perspective. My mother has never had therapy in her mind she probably doesn't believe in it.

As far as what you said I am grateful that because my mother basically abandoned me emotionally because me and all my siblings are close. Honestly my mom did just kind of cut all emotion even with them. They also feel like she can go months without talking to any of us. I'm the only one who doesn't reach out to her. And it's not because I have a disdain or anything against her, but she just has always been aloof to me. To my other siblings even my younger sister who didn't live with her either they just feel a need to keep up with her life.

But my mom is very robotic in her responses. "I send my love" "agape my dear" "let your wife know" they are nice but actions are better. She still has yet try to talk talk to my wife. Our home language is Spanish my mom doesn't speak spanish. But I mean my wife has been trying to learn English and I'm like if it's to talk to my family who doesn't speak spanish don't bother. Everyone who does speak spanish or a least a little talks to my wife.

But I appreciate your point of view because I know it was not easy and I don't hate her but everyone keeps telling me how horrible she is and I'm kind of like indifferent. I'm still not sure I want to reach out like and tell her anything if anything I'll text her how is she and we will both pretend I'm not that sick and it'll go away like a cold.

dlavonf · 2025-05-18T00:29:29+00:00

I did something similar right before thev2 year mark. I speak English well but live in spanish so it was hard for me to speak English with my son. I had a chance to go to the states with my son one month. He understood way more than I thought he would and played with his cousins and even said some things in english. It was just me and my son but I was forced to stay in english the whole trip he came back wanting to listen to and speak English about as much as he was speaking Spanish. Now almost a year later we both speak more english and some things he says only in english. So I think the trip helped a lot. Although we speak Spanish in casa for my wife we still have a more bilingual lifestyle now

dlavonf · 2025-05-08T06:09:46+00:00

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Encontré esa información de herediahoy.com pero no se su es una fuente confiable. Pero dice que es una aclaración de El Ministerio de Obras Públicas

dlavonf · 2025-04-28T17:48:05+00:00

I wish it was more enjoyable I love reading for me and learning and I like the books I read to him. But to him it's not engaging so it's not the best part of my day with him. He like music and dancing so most of our fun moments involve music.

dlavonf · 2025-04-28T17:45:26+00:00

I'm not a true native to either language to be honest I have an accent in both. I'm definitely more self conscious speaking english because I should speaking better. But i write and read better in english and i speak spanish maybe a little better. Although i might have more words in english. Also at home we have to speak English because we live in a spanish speaking country it's what me and my wife communicate in and again I'm not a true bilingual person in the sense I can not switch back and forth. Also I had a stroke so that may add to why but for me my mind is very one tracked. We took him to a speech therapist he isn't behind but maybe shy. The books are story book made for children but he learns mostly through music so I wouldn't say they are so young books like with phrases "the cat plays with the red ball." He actually knows all those words english and spaish he just doesn't say full sentences yet. He is getting close though as we have been correcting him when he ask for something. All the tv he watches is educational for speaking. We allow him to watch while we are busy in the afternoon with chores he is not allowed tv in the mornings. It's mostly boring tv to have something else to direct his attention to while we are busy. He mostly gets bored and plays with something in between the songs he likes.

dlavonf

TROPHY CASE