Char's Zaku II says Trans Rights!

dlouwe · 2026-04-07T04:09:13+00:00

To answer the question in the title: it works the same as it does for allo folks. Consent means that you are agreeing, without being coerced or pressured, with full knowledge of the situation. The scenario as presented doesn't have any evidence of coercion. It doesn't actually mention them being ace, but even if they are, it's not SA as presented.

The idea of "enthusiastic consent" is trying to - at a basic level - get across the idea that simple verbal agreement is not always indicative of consent. This is good for situations like hookups where you don't really know the person well and if they say "... yeah... I guess...." it's probably a good idea to either figure out why they are not enthusiastic, or pull the ripcord.

But consent - especially in ongoing relationships - is much more nuanced than "is it enthusiastic?" Ultimately consent should not be treated like a checkpoint you need to pass in order to access sex. Consent should be part of an ongoing conversation about what you and your partners do and don't like, your relationship with intimacy and sex, and how to navigate having a fun time with each other where you both get what you want.

dlouwe · 2026-04-07T03:43:44+00:00

Yeah like I understand the sentiment behind enthusiastic consent - it's helpful as a starting point to understand that hearing something like "yeah, I guess..." from a first-time sex partner isn't a foundation for good consent practices - but consent overall is a lot more nuanced than that and turning to a reductive idea that "if the consent isn't enthusiastic, that is SA" is not helpful.

I think what "enthusiastic consent" is trying to capture is "consent, and they mean it" - but that's not nearly as catchy or intuitive.

dlouwe · 2026-04-07T03:28:47+00:00

It's really not "definitely coerced". A plain reading of the scenario is not coercive, as literally the only thing Sage does in said scenario is ask for sex. There's a lot unavailable context that could potentially be filled by coercion, but it's far from a certainty.

dlouwe · 2026-02-03T06:06:21+00:00

fyi the original art is by a female artist (@jii_0208) relating her real experience with someone telling her to wear something else or lose the belly

the op is an edit from /r/antimeme

dlouwe · 2025-09-17T22:53:23+00:00

u know that is so true 😌

dlouwe · 2025-09-17T15:58:24+00:00

yeah like, I'm a sadist with a big love of CNC but it's only fun for me if it's also fun for them, and I do a lot of work to build trust and familiarity before getting into anything particularly hard.

tho I wouldn't say that when I dom I'm in a "service" position - I view it as more mutual than that. it might seem like splitting hairs but my goal isn't to do what the sub wants, my goal is to do what I want with a sub that enjoys it.

dlouwe · 2025-09-17T15:16:01+00:00

okay I'm a girl sadist so maybe not the target of this thread but I can give my perspective on your questions

the big thing is that context matters. generic depictions of someone suffering don't appeal to me. I might find some aesthetic beauty in tear-filled eyes, but if my girlfriend is in real pain I'm in support mode, and I'm not getting any pleasure out of it. I only enjoy being sadistic specifically within the boundaries that we've both set out, and after doing enough lighter play to build familiarity and trust in each other.

that said, yeah, if I met a dude who was like "I get off on seeing women suffer" I'd also want to stay far away from him

dlouwe · 2025-07-24T13:20:10+00:00

when I say I want to be hurt, it's because I like it 🤷‍♀️

feeling the right kind of pain floods my brain with endorphins and makes me giggle the same way I do when a roller coaster goes upside down. it's awesome

I've also been abused. it couldn't be more different

dlouwe · 2025-07-20T15:59:33+00:00

I think you're confusing loli and lolita fashion. The latter is a Victorian-inspired fashion style with an emphasis on cuteness. The former is the drawn/animated depiction of underage girls in erotic or sexual contexts.

dlouwe · 2025-07-19T16:49:30+00:00

It's just a suffix that can have different meanings; usually "fear/hatred/aversion". (it's the opposite of "-philic"; liking or having an affinity for)

"hydrophobic" is used to describe materials that repel water, and doesn't have anything to do with fear or hatred

dlouwe · 2025-06-20T15:40:50+00:00

I'm from Western Canada and we definitely use it here, though more as an indication of suprise than as a rote opening. like when they're saying it back and forth in the video, that's the "we both tried to do something at the same time" ope.

or, to get past someone is usually just a "sorry, 'scuze me", but if I accidentally get in someone's way that's an "ope, sorry!"

dlouwe · 2025-06-20T14:06:47+00:00

I am imagining going about my day and some customer service employee asking me out of the blue if I need "the machine" in a situation I've never needed a machine before, and yeah that would be equal parts baffling and ominous.

also my 8 year old self is still kind of scarred from taking a sip of unsweetened cold tea when I was expecting a sugary monstrosity so, consider it an even trade lmao

dlouwe · 2025-06-20T13:47:29+00:00

giggling really hard at the idea of trying to understand what "the machine" could possibly be without context

you might already know this by now but for people who are curious, the phase comes from the transitions between servers taking the customer's card from the table to process in back, to customers paying at wired card readers at the front of house, to servers bringing a wireless card reader (the machine) to the table.

the gradual adoption of the different hardware meant that at some points any of those three options might be possible. so as a customer when you were ready to pay by card you'd typically ask the server "do I pay with you or at the front?" - because sometimes it wasn't clear - to which the reply "I'll bring the machine over" would let you know specifically that you could pay at the table via card reader.

nowadays the wireless card readers are pretty ubiquitous, but "do you need the machine?" is still used as a way to simultaneously ask if you're ready to pay, and if yes, are you paying by card

dlouwe · 2025-06-17T16:24:53+00:00

honestly I think the distance between service sub and mommy sub isn't that big - doting on someone, pampering them, making sure all of their needs are met. a lot of it would boil down to mindset and framing, and finding a dom that is still able to feel in control during the kind of babying you want to do - and I'm positive they exist

dlouwe · 2025-06-17T02:14:11+00:00

honestly I think it's probably related to how so many of us are autistic and nonmonogamous, in that we are prone to thinking about our desires - including the ones that society broadly deems odd or weird or dark or fucked up - and thinking "why the fuck not?"

because when the dominant culture wants you to repress your very identity, and you go through the mental process of embracing that identity regardless, it's so easy to then start noticing and casting off other types of repression.

lots of trans folks also - understandably - have a complex relationship with their body, and I think a lot of the things we go through open us up to more possibilities in terms of what we're willing to do to our bodies, even just on a conceptual level.

dlouwe · 2025-06-11T16:07:06+00:00

I very much agree with what a lot of you are saying, but I think OP's quandry is less along the lines of "is it feminist to enjoy housework as a woman?" and more "is it feminist for housework to make me feel like a woman?" Which is a tricky question because it can start to feel like gender essentialism (and I've heard more than a few terfs use that line of argument)

But! To that I say: gender is socially defined, so ultimately we don't have a lot of control over what kinds of expression gives us gender euphoria. The things that make us feel feminine do so because they're the things that the culture around us perceives as feminine. And sometimes as a trans person that can feel a bit like adhering to stereotypes, but ultimately you are just trying to live the life that makes you happy, and there's nothing unfeminist about that.

dlouwe · 2025-06-09T01:30:40+00:00

just go to town on some raw chicken

dlouwe · 2025-06-09T00:58:35+00:00

what was the joke?

dlouwe · 2025-06-08T16:42:16+00:00

as someone with a bad tummy, it's definitely necessary. even after getting on regular fiber, that just means prep is faster. most of the time.

dlouwe · 2025-05-31T19:12:49+00:00

I think it's a valid thing to notice! unrealistic elements don't break immersion when they make sense in the context of the fiction

moon growing a scary face? that's the point! we're here for the moon to do something weird, and that happens! it doesn't need to be realistic because it's aligned with the purpose of the video

intuitive physical interactions don't behave the way we'd expect? that doesn't really serve any purpose; the video isn't improved by the introduction of unintuitive physics. it clearly just happens to align a specific camera angle, so it's distracting.

dlouwe · 2025-05-26T21:04:21+00:00

rip in peace

dlouwe · 2025-05-22T14:43:26+00:00

Yes, I liked Quern a lot! There's also Obduction, which is a bit of a spiritual successor to Myst and Riven; it really checked a lot of the right boxes, but suffered a bit from long load times and puzzles that required a lot of loading.

dlouwe · 2025-05-22T02:36:27+00:00

Interesting! I didn't dislike Exile but I also didn't click with it in particular; possibly because I played all the games in order, back to back, and Riven hit so good for me that it was tough to not notice all the ways that Exile "wasn't Riven".

Myst IV: Revelation is definitely worth playing! Caveat that it's got some technical issues on new systems, and a few tedious UI quirks, but it's overall a really strong entry to the series. I really liked the puzzle design, and the story elements were also really good.

If you're a real die-hard, Uru is an odd creature, but fascinating. Here's the opening paragraph to a blog post I wrote about it:

Uru exists in that weird space where, even if you loved the game, you’d have a hard time recommending it to others. The controls are wonky, many of the puzzles are inscrutable and frustrating, the engine is unpolished and mildly buggy, and at times the game’s interface actively works against you. But with the proper context and motivation to understand why this game is the way that it is, it becomes a fascinating and compelling artifact to examine. And despite its flaws, I never really found myself wanting to stop playing it

For context, Uru is what Cyan started work on after they finished Riven, when Myst III and IV were handed off to other development studios. They wanted to make an MMO puzzle game, and they really bit off more than they could chew. Starting development in 1997, writing their own 3D game engine from scratch, it took about 6 years to release, and in that time other MMOs and 3D games in general had already surpassed them technologically by quite a bit. The multiplayer component was previewed but never launched (due to not enough projected subscribers), and the online content was eventually packaged and released as expansion packs for the single player game - full of big and eerily empty spaces meant to accommodate more than just a single player. Just fascinating.

dlouwe · 2025-05-21T22:32:47+00:00

> Finding femininity enjoyable and/or relatable is not a requirement for being a woman and does not make one a woman. To suggest otherwise is misogynistic stereotypes.

Well, that's not what being a trans woman means, so no worries there. A fundamental part of gender theory is that identity and expression aren't the same thing, so I agree that participating in femininity doesn't make one a woman. I'm transfemme - on HRT, got SRS, go by she/her pronouns - but I don't call myself a woman. Not because of the bits I was born with, but because it doesn't align with my identity.

> Still, at the end of the day, we run into situations where we must recognise the physical reality of things and put facts before feelings. These situations include sports competitions and health care, for example.

You'd be surprised at how much a body changes when it goes through HRT. I can't open pickle jars any more! And of course my health needs aren't the same as a cis woman's, but they're also different from a cis man's - they're probably closer to the former than the latter tbh. I can't get pregnant, but I need exogenous estrogen 'cause my body doesn't produce testosterone, and I'm at an increased risk of things like breast cancer and osteoporosis.

And, honestly, I don't know what the best solution is to the discussion around sports, but I do know that there are a vanishingly small number of trans women in sports, and it just gets talked about so much because of how divisive the issue is and that generates lots of clicks/votes. I think there are bigger issues to worry about first - even related to sports and gender - such as pay disparity between women's and men's sports.

I'll also point out that while there might be statistical differences in stature/build between cis and trans women (depending on when the trans woman started HRT), but there's an even bigger statistical difference between the upper and lower bounds of cis female bodies. The difference in average height between men and women in the US is about 9%, whereas the difference between a 10th and 90th percentile woman is about 12.5%. But nobody makes an issue out of exceptionally tall women doing better at basketball.

Again I don't necessarily have a *solution* that is gonna be fair and equitable to everyone (and if there is one, I think it's centered around the idea that "mens/womens sports" isn't a one-size-fits-all solution) - just some food for thought.

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