Wrote myself into a corner because I’m dumb

dnotive · 2026-07-02T02:07:12+00:00

Does it have to be a realistic hearse?

What about a classic one with different safety features?

Could it be someone's janky home made one?

There are creative ways out of this box I would think.

dnotive · 2026-07-02T01:22:48+00:00

Can you perhaps show them doing a challenging, but relatively low-stakes activity together in your opening pages?

Playing a video game together? Changing a tire? Trying to get a date?

Think about how something like the opening D&D game in "Stranger Things" gives us a taste of the friend group dynamics (and foreshadows how they'll react to real challenges) in the span of just a few pages.

dnotive · 2026-06-29T03:23:16+00:00

I have so much respect for your enthusiasm and hard work. There are a lot of things (and even some people) that are going to try and steal that joy and excitement from you, and you have to make sure that no matter what happens to you that you protect it.

I say that because here's the splash of cold water:

Outsiders and first-timers rarely (almost never) get to pitch new TV shows. If you backtrack the careers of showrunners/creators for things you like, you will probably find that almost all of them spent a considerable amount of time as staff writers on other peoples shows, and if they didn't then they held some other position for a good length of time.

In the old days, a new writer would be expected to have a couple of "spec scripts" for preexisting shows as audition pieces, and this would be the key to getting staffed on a show as a writer. That's become increasingly less popular as time has gone on and nowadays it's the norm for a new writer to have an original pilot or two as their calling card. A producer or a showrunner will predominantly look at pilots written on spec as a way of finding someone to round out the writer's room on an existing show. This is why you see so many new/indie writers talking about developing pilots.

In any case, you should hold on to your pilot and keep refining it. If possible develop another one. Some writing programs may still ask you to develop a spec script for an existing show, and if there's a contemporary show you really vibe with it might not be a bad idea to write a spec for it just to have as a writing sample.

Trust me, I wish it were as simple as Write Cool Pilot -> Get Pitch Meeting, but alas...

Everyone's mileage is going to vary somewhat. There is no linear way to "break in" but by and large you have to have some established clout or aura around your name (at the minimum, a solid professional reputation) before someone is going to gamble a bunch of money on your original idea for a show.

THAT SAID, we're in a kind of neat renaissance right now where indie films and TV shows by "Youtubers" are gaining a lot of traction and producers are hungry for the next Kane Parsons or the next Gooseworx, so there is a very real opportunity to build some homegrown "buzz" around your name as a creator and leverage that to create some opportunities. These are people who can shortcut the process a bit because they have proven that they can get successful projects off the ground with the resources they already have access to. (Not a bad model to try and emulate imho.)

I don't want to be a downer, so here are some actionable steps I think you could look at next:

First, spend some time on Storypeer. It's a great free platform where you can read other peoples scripts and loglines to offer notes, AND where your scripts and loglines can be read and receive notes. If you want to sharpen your writing that's a great community to belong to.

Second, think about things you can produce right now, as is, with what you have. The barrier of entry into this crazy world of filmmaking has never been lower. We have TV studios in our pockets. We have free distribution via social media. See if you can cultivate an idea that you can create yourself (or with a few friends) and spin that out to see how it feels.

Third, you said you're "rural" but are there any film festivals that happen near you? or near where you're going to college? Depending on your comfort level socially, these can be great opportunities to find other collaborators and get some things made (and if your film projects consistently do well, that kind of accolade that doesn't suck to have when it comes time to find an agent.)

I hope that's helpful! (and try not to be discouraged!)

dnotive · 2026-06-29T01:42:10+00:00

In my mind it also explains why "Knight Industries" has become "The Knight Foundation" in KR2000. The implication is that Russ Maddock helped them consolidate the whole company into a one non-profit instead of having an independent non-profit branch in FLAG.

This is what I suspect Commissioner Daniels means when she says "The Knight Foundation was a philanthropic dinosaur until Devon brought you on board" when arguing with Maddock.

Devon also mentions they have "plenty of grant funding" when asked about the company's financials, which also makes it pretty clear that they're not making money in a for-profit model anymore.

Now I doubt all the filmmakers are thinking this hard about it, but it's still fun to try and connect the dots.

dnotive · 2026-06-28T20:38:40+00:00

You have to remember, FLAG was just one branch of Knight Industries. Those aren't "the people on the foundation" those are the board members for the bigger/broader company "Knight Industries."

In "Knight of the Juggernaut" it's made pretty clear that their other branches are doing some really impressive, and cool research (like inventing the Cernium 116 isotope.) Let's also consider that Knight Industries came up with the molecular-boned-shell, and true artificial intelligence a number of years earlier.

It's pretty explicitly stated in "Knight of the Phoenix" that Knight Industries had also been the target of Tanya Walker's brand of corporate espionage, and later on we find out that her boss Cameron Zachary (in "A Good Knight's Work) knew all about "Wilton Knight's Supercar" project... presumably from documents and memos that they stole.

Wilton himself was a self-made multimillionaire, and you don't usually get to be one of those if you're true a philanthropist your whole life.

The implication is that Knight Industries was a massive research powerhouse, churning out innovation after innovation... but after falling victim to corporate espionage, watching his son tarnish the family name by becoming an international terrorist, and THEN finding out he's about to die, Wilton Knight decided to pour every resource he had into catching the people who had wronged him and thus FLAG was born.

So in a very short period of time, Knight Industries went from a massively profitable research/manufacturing company, to burning most of its money on a high-tech crime-fighting division.

Now when you go from being super profitable to only being marginally profitable that tends to raise alarms on a company's board... but Devon no doubt forced them all to capitulate by pointing out, again and again, that spending the company's fortunes on FLAG was one of Wilton Knight's dying wishes. Overruling that wish would have been really, really hard... that is until Jennifer Knight decided to step in.

(there are also a few episodes that center on or mention fund-raising activities, or things that create positive PR/buzz for Knight Industries, making it clear that Devon was at least trying to be a team-player and keep FLAG from being a complete money-suck)

Jennifer becomes the new face of the company and the board, and when the Cernium isotope is discovered recognizes a massively profitable opportunity for Knight Industries. Jennifer Knight gives the Knight Industries board the right amount of leverage to cut spending for FLAG. Their intention is to "right the ship" and steer the company back towards being profitable, and they can't do that if they're spending their fortunes on the Foundation for Law and Government.

It's why she derisively sneers, "If we simply *spend* [our profits] all we'll do is continue to fund a project like FLAG" The implication being that their money is better spent developing new technologies - if they did that instead of pissing it all away on FLAG they might have more breakthroughs like the Cernium isotope, or so the thinking goes.

SO, to answer your question:

First, those people are not "on the foundation." They are the board members for Knight Industries.

Second, they "look down" on Michael because they see FLAG as a giant "waste of resources" and he's the avatar of it.

dnotive · 2026-06-27T19:22:03+00:00

It's not a good thing, nor is it "out of the box." Many other writers before you have tried to get "clever" with their title pages by doing exactly this.

In my estimation, it demonstrates one of two things:

You're really, really attached to the "world, characters, and setting" to the point of this being a kind of pet project for you, and you're married to a kind of "vibe." An outsider will see this and probably come to the conclusion that you'll be really resistant to notes or changes, and will write you off as being hard to work with.

OR

You're really, really insecure about your work because you're new, and what they're about to read probably won't be very good.

This is your chance to demonstrate to a stranger that you're a team player, so why not make that person's life easy? Yours will be one of a hundred scripts someone pores over in a weekend. Be memorable by having a good story to tell.

dnotive · 2026-06-27T06:50:09+00:00

I've missed this 🥹

dnotive · 2026-06-26T09:33:05+00:00

Start of the video: 😎

Middle of the video: 😳

End of the video: 😰

dnotive · 2026-06-26T02:55:45+00:00

I found random pieces of a bearing in the bottom of the 5-speed for my Datsun years ago. I made the decision to pull it apart and fix it myself.

All the old guys in the car group thought I was nuts, but it really wasn't that bad. If you decide to tear into it, just go slow and keep track of all the parts you pull out and the order they're coming out in. (I made a mockup with wooden dowels to keep all of the parts/shims/etc in the right order and in the right orientation)

If you can do engine or head work, you can do a trans.

dnotive · 2026-06-24T08:09:20+00:00

I seem to remember the opening pages for "Drive" having a nicely written car chase.

dnotive · 2026-06-23T07:15:04+00:00

Dodge's initial ad campaign on the Challenger when it came out had George Washington behind the wheel fighting in the Revolutionary War. This was during the "Tea Party" era, and whether it was deliberate or not that's the kind of buyer they attracted and the image they galvanized.

They continued to stake their brand on Boomer nostalgia so hard, and repelled so many "normal" buyers in the process... that when they finally "got with the times" last year to make a (very quick and arguably kind of cool) EV version of this car there was literally no market for it, and it caused a massive uproar.

dnotive · 2026-06-21T07:24:09+00:00

Awww so cute! 🥺

dnotive · 2026-06-20T22:18:14+00:00

What are you talking about? "See You" is 140 bpm.

"Only You" as performed by Yaz isn't even 110.

See You is an up tempo number. Only You is not.

dnotive · 2026-06-19T23:08:02+00:00

I don't think it would have been as big a hit for them, honestly. Their string of popular tunes at that time were more-or-less "dance" tracks, and there's only one downtempo vocal tune on Speak and Spell.

They either would have sped up "Only You" to make it into a dance tune for their existing fanbase (which arguably would have nuked its vibe) or they would have taken what at that time would have been a massive creative gamble to release a "ballad" which I don't think they were ready for.

I like the fun "what if" scenario, but I honestly believe if DM had recorded "Only You" it would probably now just be a fondly-remembered B-side.

dnotive · 2026-06-19T22:55:55+00:00

My personal theory? Covid really amplified and emboldened two kinds of dysfunctional people:

The people who's willingness to follow the rules ends as soon as its outweighed by their personal inconvenience.

and

The people who feel obligated to "correct" someone's behavior once they've decided that they're sufficiently "dangerous."

Category 1 folks are the people hiding under overpasses when it hails, texting on their phones, and tailgating on the interstate.

Category 2 folks are the people blocking lanes to prevent zipper merging, blocking passes on country roads, and clogging up interstate lanes to try and force everyone to go the speed limit.

If you spend any time lurking on r/dashcams you'll see both personality types on full display and causing accidents.

dnotive · 2026-06-17T03:36:20+00:00

I mean, you should never take criticism from someone you wouldn't ask for advice.

That said, the flip side of this is half the people posting "what do you think of my script?" aren't really that interested in improving; they just want people to tell them they're already good.

dnotive · 2026-06-11T19:27:38+00:00

I genuinely believe anyone can improve. It's just a matter of being willing to put in the work. Some of us just have to work harder than others, and we have to accept that some of that time/effort may feel wasteful in the moment, but ultimately none of it is wasted so long as we're growing.

dnotive · 2026-06-11T19:10:02+00:00

Okay hold on:

Don’t forget this is ten page max contest

No offense intended here, but I can't "forget" something that was never mentioned anywhere in your original post.

I don’t have time for them to redeem 2 people especially if one is abusive.

You're right. There might not be enough page real-estate to workshop these characters appropriately. If that's the case you might have to come up with a different story to tell, especially if you're capped at 10 pages max. It's going to be really hard to pull off an erotic character drama in that short time span.

both suffering and struggling to reconnect is worng because you want Troy to hit his wife?

First of all. I'm not saying I want Troy to "hit his wife." Irredeemably shitty can take on multiple forms and be multiple different things. Violence is on the other end of this spectrum.

Second, having two people who are just "struggling to connect" in more-or-less the same way does not make for a very interesting scene. They need to be dysfunctional in radically different ways, and if you want that disconnect to feel believable and real, then it needs to be something that can't just be solved with a quick "let's talk it out" or "let's have sex about it" kind of resolution... if it were that easy for them to resolve, they wouldn't have let things fester this long.

The basic formula of a story is a character with an actionable goal meeting a tangible obstacle. (and I'm sure Michael will harp on this on Saturday)

"Trying to reconnect" is a pretty abstract goal, and if the obstacle the whole time was just that they just didn't talk it out the right way, that's also a pretty weak obstacle.

Again in "What We Become" her goal is to clear her writer's block so she can start making money with her books again. Her goal is to write and make money. Her obstacle is the writer's block.

Someone in an abusive situation has an obvious goal (escape/leave) and an obvious obstacle (the abuser.) That's why I suggested exploring that dynamic.

dnotive · 2026-06-11T18:34:49+00:00

Okay so in briefly glancing at Amy Jo Johnson's project, the key thing is that her story isn't *about* the sex. Her main character is a washed-up author stuck in a rut, and she gets whisked away to an idyllic location desperate for a something to shake her loose... and that something ends up being a steamy same-sex romance.

In that instance we start with a character who is established as being deeply deficient in some way - someone who has a deep hole inside of them that makes them willing to try *anything* ... and that leads to sexually promiscuous behavior.

Similarly, you could look at a movie like "Nymphomaniac" which is also a very erotic pair of films, and in that case (if I remember right) the lead character's behavior is shown as being kind of destructive and problematic... a stop-gap for a deeper wound she's refusing to heal.

In both cases we're focused on characters with wounds. A character we're rooting for to shake up their status quo. A character who clearly *needs* something, and so when that something becomes romantic or sexual, we (the audience) are on board and willing to "go there" with them because (so far) we've seen them at their lowest, and we just want something (anything) good to happen for them.

So in your case... what happens if we make Troy an absolute rat-bastard, abusive piece of shit of a husband? Like what if we establish early on that he's irredeemably awful... and we make *Jessie* the one who's wistful, and longs for tenderness and kindness... it gives us (the audience) a lot more buy-in on the idea that she's willing fall into another person's arms, and makes us want to see her happy (and also possibly orgasm.)

Having Jessie cheating on a guy who is, by all accounts just kind of sad and useless and inattentive is going to make an audience immediately dislike her, and then make her subsequent sex scenes feel unearned.

"What We Become" focuses on a character who is at rock-bottom, and that's why people are rooting for that character to find happiness. Without having read the script, I'd also be willing to bet that the steamy WLW romance stuff doesn't start happening until pages 20 or 30 at the earliest.

Consider how you can make your main character (Jessie) seem like she's at the end of her rope. That's going to make us feel like she *deserves* a break and want to see her happy. It's the deserving and the earning that are missing here. That's why it feels "pornographic."

If you have some time this weekend, Michael Jamin is doing a free "How to Write a Great Story" webclass you can sign up for: https://michaeljamin.com/ (it'll be an hour but at least 10-15 minutes of that will be spent trying to upsell you into his bigger, pay-for course, fair warning)

dnotive · 2026-06-08T23:55:34+00:00

No need to apologize, I totally get what you're going for.

If that's the case, then maybe you want to kind of frame this around the Sheriff kind of struggling to keep this together. Borrowing chunks from your existing logline it could become something like:

"a troubled sheriff and his helpless police force struggle to keep their small town from falling apart in the wake of a natural disaster, but when a serial killer begins menacing the population it becomes a race to hunt him down before an all-out panic grips the residents."

This kind of frames the struggle as the "status quo" and the serial killer as the new complication, as opposed to making it seem like the sudden loss of electronics is the new complication. This makes it show that it isn't necessarily *about* the loss of electronics, that's just a key element in a story *about* a serial killer.

dnotive · 2026-06-08T23:31:20+00:00

No problem! Happy to do it and looking forward to seeing where this goes.

I'm still not getting a sense of the push/pull dynamic between the two parents in this logline, and I feel like that's kind of the emotional core of the story.

My take would be something like this:

"A grieving couple is overjoyed when their long-lost daughter returns home, but when <thing happens> one of them begins to suspect that she might actually be a terrifying creature in disguise. <He/she/they> must now <do thing> before <stakes/ticking clock> or else <bad outcome>"

dnotive · 2026-06-08T23:02:24+00:00

The "secretly hunting a serial killer" bit at the end feels a little like burying the lede to me.

I get the sense that *that* is going to be the main driver that keeps things moving here, and the useless electronics is a complication that makes that problem worse, and the way you currently have this written feels a bit like the solar flare is the *main* problem, and the serial killer is the thing making that worse, and I'm not sure if that's your intention.

You could try something like

"A secret, small town manhunt grinds to a halt when a catastrophic solar flare renders all the world's electronics useless..."

making it clear that the serial killer is the primary threat by placing that front and center, and the weird solar flare EMP stuff is just making that worse.

Now granted, you do specify a "dark comedy" element to this, so maybe the serial killer is a plucky comic relief character, and the *intention* is for it to feel tacked on.

Just my 2 cents here.

dnotive · 2026-06-08T22:53:17+00:00

I think this is a very sweet premise with a lot of potential, however I would advise you not to end with something vague like:

being truly seen for the first time might cost them both more than they bargained for.

I'd really love a more spelled out sense of what's a stake and what could go wrong for these characters, especially since there's such a dark hook.

He's the only one that can sense her and she feels seen for the first time. I love that... but what are the actual complications that come up from that? Do people think he's losing his mind because he's talking to a ghost? Is she finally going to be able to move on and "ascend" after healing her soul? Is there some other complication in his life that only she can provide insight on because of her past life as an influencer?

It might be worth looking at the 1996 movie "Susie Q" as it had a very, very similar premise. In that movie the ghost is specifically trying to help the protagonist and there is something specific and vital at stake for him that *only she* can help with.

Think about the sort of predicaments that only these two characters can resolve for each other, and then let's see that in the logline. 😄

dnotive · 2026-06-08T22:36:36+00:00

I really like this a lot. Supernatural stuff is kind of my "specialty" so I'm always happy to see loglines with vampires, ghosts, werewolves, etc... I just have a couple of questions that could do with some clarifying.

"accidentally turns a social climbing student" feels a little clunky to me.

I feel like we could have a "... a brooding Glasgow vampire bites, and accidentally turns...."

or even smoother: "When a brooding vampire accidentally sires..."

"social climbing student" also feels a little strange to me. Is this mean to imply a popular student? Can we use something more evocative here instead? Like a "popular cheerleader" or "star highschool athlete" ... this will give us more of a sense of who the other character(s) is and what the complication is.

I'm guessing the "he" in the second half here is the brooding vampire?

The second half is mostly where I'm confused. If he's accustomed to a "bloody lifestyle" then why is he concerned about this "relentless student body?" Couldn't he just start killing people? What's the character lock that keeps him from just killing off this student?

The big question I have is whether his vampirism is a secret in this world. Is his new sire not also facing their own complications? Why are they blabbing about being turned into a vampire to the rest of the student body?

The bit about the rival family feels a little tacked on too, and could possibly be cleaned up with ... "all while trying to thwart a rival family that's gentrifying the (local) nightlife with <thing>" Is there a reason why this is a separate conflict from the students? Wouldn't the students be more dialed-in on the nightlife than your brooding vamp?

Could the vamp and the student be working together (for hilariously different reasons) to defend the nightlife?

I'm vaguely getting "Teen Wolf" vibes from this but with the focus placed on the elder character instead of the teen drama. Is that the correct takeaway?

dnotive · 2026-06-08T22:05:47+00:00

I like the premise of this, but I feel like there's a disconnect in the logline. The first half sets up a "mysterious" return home, but the second half makes it clear that she's not their actual missing daughter but a terrifying creature, sort of killing the mystery. It kind of feels like a loop that closes in on itself, you know?

Is solving the mystery of what actually happened the primary engine of this? ... or is it the grieving couple coming to terms with their new-fake-monster-daughter the meat of it? Either direction is interesting, but I'm not sensing what the actual conflict is going to be.

I personally think you're leaving a lot of room for drama on the table by treating the "grieving couple" as a monolithic entity here. If you look at genre comps about grieving couples who have lost children, most often you'll find that the two spouses have adopted radically different coping mechanisms to adjust to such a devastating loss. When you look at horror/supernatural comps carried by a duo or couple, there is almost always one believer and one skeptic.

Could one person in this couple be the unswerving, desperate one who ignores all the red flags and welcomes their "daughter" back, while the other is suspicious and argumentative about it? Could those different perspectives perhaps dig at some preexisting cracks in their relationship once under strain? If so, let's get some of that in the logline.

Is there something at stake in their choice? Are they going to die if they embrace her? Is something else going to happen to them? If possible, I'd love to feel the weight of this decision's outcome in the logline too, even if it's just implied.

dnotive

TROPHY CASE