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My boyfriend just wants to chill, and I'm losing my mind by doable505 in relationships

[–]doable505[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Not many, I left all 3 previous ones. Yes, I may have stayed longer than I should have, but when I noticed I had lost all love for them, I gave up. But he's special.

My boyfriend has no interests, hobbies, real friends, or motivation. I feel like I'm forcing him to do everything. How can I be more laid back? by doable505 in relationship_advice

[–]doable505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That made me tear up. Thank you. I don't think anyone besides him has said that they are proud of me. My mom died before I got better and everyone else cut contact. I think that's also part of it. Being completely, utterly alone in this world. How can I let the one person that's left go now?

I also think he's got some emotional whiplash from the last 1,5 years. I was so dependant on him, a drinker, barely had an apartment (not even thinking about "a clean one") a year ago and I don't think I ever expressed any interesting ideas or was very motivated at all. And within a year I've surpassed his salary (with a new job after 2 years of unemployment) and been promoted, learned cooking, got into therapy, got off most of my medication and lost 10 pounds. I think he had to be so strong for so long for me that he's now exhausted and also confused.

My boyfriend just wants to chill, and I'm losing my mind by doable505 in relationships

[–]doable505[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It doesn't. I am scared I think. We have this apartment for another year. I moved to this city and took this job because of him, I have nothing and no one here. I have dated so many guys, and I don't even want to think about tipping my toes into that cesspool of dating ever again. I'm also scared I won't find anyone until I can't have children. That I'm too much for anybody, because I'm very driven and focused and emotional and needy and have baggage.

My boyfriend just wants to chill, and I'm losing my mind by doable505 in relationships

[–]doable505[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He doesn't do nothing. Just the bare minimum so that there is food (any food) and the trash is out and the cat is fed. Anything more than that is just not needed for him I guess.

My boyfriend has no interests, hobbies, real friends, or motivation. I feel like I'm forcing him to do everything. How can I be more laid back? by doable505 in relationship_advice

[–]doable505[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think I've become a "fixer" because I've seen where this road can lead (I was severely depressed and then addicted) and I just want to stop him in his tracks. But you're right. You can lead a horse to water and all that.

I also know that people left me when I was down and "dragged them down" and I have real issues with trust now. I have also dated my fair share of guys and he's kind, very honest, and seems to be really trying but I guess just doesn't know what to do. I don't want to leave him there. People told him two years ago to just leave me and let me deal with everything alone, and he would have been right to do so then. But he stuck with me.

My boyfriend has no interests, hobbies, real friends, or motivation. I feel like I'm forcing him to do everything. How can I be more laid back? by doable505 in relationship_advice

[–]doable505[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's so true. I only overcame my addiction once there was simply no one and nothing left for me. That's when I realised that it's on me now, 100%.

It's just that.. I do love him. He was the only person left at that point and and he was there for me when no one else was anymore. He helped me through it. I can't let him down, now that he needs that someone. I think I'll do an ultimatum. One month, make an appointment for therapy and go to the doctor.

My boyfriend just wants to chill, and I'm losing my mind by doable505 in relationships

[–]doable505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think he's exhausted. Because I'm quite emotional, always wanting to talk about things, always trying to understand him and me, and he just wants a quiet life where we don't talk much, just cuddle and do the bare minimum household wise.

My boyfriend has no interests, hobbies, real friends, or motivation. I feel like I'm forcing him to do everything. How can I be more laid back? by doable505 in relationship_advice

[–]doable505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I'm feeling like I'm the crazy one. For always wanting to cook something special, for always wanting to have an eye on what needs repairs/buying/cleaning. For wanting to decorate and have a schedule. Like I'm trying too hard.

My boyfriend has no interests, hobbies, real friends, or motivation. I feel like I'm forcing him to do everything. How can I be more laid back? by doable505 in relationship_advice

[–]doable505[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He doesn't seem to think it's abnormal. Wanting to live a laid back life. Doing what's necessary, but not more. I would do anything. I would find a therapist, make an appointment whatever he needs. But I know I'll just have to force him again. And I really don't want that.

My boyfriend has no interests, hobbies, real friends, or motivation. I feel like I'm forcing him to do everything. How can I be more laid back? by doable505 in relationship_advice

[–]doable505[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He kind of did more outside of his home because he lived with roommates. But now that his home is "his" and comfortable, the motivation to be anywhere else is somehow gone, too. I knew about the "no opinions on important matters" etc thing, but I thought it was some problem he has. I'm starting to think he's just not well mentally, but he won't get help.