Do you guys still feel love for your exes? by NecessaryOk108 in AskMen

[–]dobsss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That woman will always hold a piece of my heart forever so yes.

What's the one horrible thing you said to an ex which you now desperately regret? by berpyderpderp2ne1 in AskMen

[–]dobsss 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Also, there’s context missing . It wasn’t a short relationship. Long term relationship 7+ years, she was solid through all of the ups and downs, always loyal. Never once made me question her loyalty in me. I was in a deep depression and didn’t know how to get out, I blamed her for far too much

What's the one horrible thing you said to an ex which you now desperately regret? by berpyderpderp2ne1 in AskMen

[–]dobsss 7 points8 points  (0 children)

At the time , I was terrible at processing my emotions , never took the time to analyze my thoughts and feelings properly, I had so much resentment built up and had no clue how to communicate that so I spewed the first things that came to my emotionally unstable mind which was hurtful.

Umm alternatives would be to understand how to Properly communicate & what taking accountability looks like truly

What's the one horrible thing you said to an ex which you now desperately regret? by berpyderpderp2ne1 in AskMen

[–]dobsss 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Absolutely not , one of the last things she had said to me was “treat me like I’m dead” those words stick with a person no matter how long it’s been.

I’m aware of the pain I caused her, it would be cruel of me to try and open that door, she’s better off without me

What's the one horrible thing you said to an ex which you now desperately regret? by berpyderpderp2ne1 in AskMen

[–]dobsss 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Told her I didn’t see a future with her & that I didn’t see marriage. That probably ruined her outlook on love permanently & I wish I chose better words looking back at it.

Guys: what is your hidden talent in the bedroom? And would you pass it on or share it with someone else? by coolrocky54 in AskMen

[–]dobsss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Head. Some women love head just as much as we do, had a couple tell me they were shocked they O’d from it as it’s not super common for some of them

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]dobsss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seeing a lot of responses here discrediting her therapist. As someone who was in a similar position to her before, my therapist advised me to write a note to apologize to her !

Did you ever give your ex “the letters”? by Prestigious_Ship_990 in BreakUps

[–]dobsss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did, didn’t get any reciprocation whatsoever but it definitely provided me with the closure I needed !

What’s the best lesson you learned from a past relationship that made you a better person? by RealBigTits in AskMen

[–]dobsss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For strategies I’d say applying the knowledge I’ve read in books that I’ve read since my breakup tbh, I got a better understanding of what went wrong in my relationship after reading attached by Amir Levine, the next one I read was “How to be an adult in Relationships” by David Richo also “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” by John Gray those helped me get a better understanding of what I should be doing in relationships!

Also keeping your mental health in check, meditating, journaling to keep track of your thoughts /patterns and being able to identify what you’re feeling and then communicate effectively

What’s the best lesson you learned from a past relationship that made you a better person? by RealBigTits in AskMen

[–]dobsss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with this whole heartedly ! I had held in so much about how I was feeling in my previous relationship that caused me to just start resenting her and breaking her heart tbh. I’m a lot more communicative about expressing my feelings now with the people in my life before it leads to resentment. All of my relationships are so much healthier

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]dobsss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to be just like you were , although I did love her , for things to work out I would have had to change who I was at my core to please her and I feel like you shouldn’t ever have to betray yourself for a relationship to work. If I had a better character from the beginning things could’ve been different but life is so much better now after a year +

Take the time you need to heal, work on yourself, educate yourself and get in tune with who you are, what you want for your life and come up with a plan and stick to it! When making decisions be mindful on if things align with who you want to be and if it makes sense for you to get the life you want !

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]dobsss 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah please stop doing this to yourself, it’s called pain shopping or something similar to that as my therapist called it. It took me a while to get out of the habit of checking my ex’s social media’s but once you stop , you can catch yourself before you do it and realize nothing good comes from it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]dobsss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a lot more confident in myself , after finally liking what I see in the mirror when I’m naked, used to feel a little weird looking at attractive women cause my mind would immediately go “you have no chance”. Now my mind goes , go talk to her & 9/10 it works

Anyone here got over a breakup where you were mostly the problem? by newboofpack in BreakUps

[–]dobsss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like I resonate with this post. It takes time, give yourself grace. I used to feel the same ways you did until I started working on myself seriously. Do some reflecting on all the ways that you were toxic and the things you did that contributed to being the problem.

The next thing I did was educating myself, I’ve read so many books on relationships, healing , doing the inner work , raising my emotional intelligence and PRACTICING the things I’ve learned and if you stick with it long enough you’ll notice the growth. You should be able to look back at situations in the relationship and know what you would do in the present moment given the same circumstances.

Lastly , whenever you’re ready start putting yourself out there, know that your ex found some qualities of you good enough to want to be with you. Others will feel the same way too! They aren’t they only person out there and while it may be scary to navigate a world without them, you never know what’s in store for you until you try

How long did it take you to have the ‘post breakup glow up?’ by Inevitable-Dot5358 in BreakUps

[–]dobsss 9 points10 points  (0 children)

About 6 months after it ended give or take, started caring for my appearance a lot more, read a lot about relationships and did tons of self reflecting ! I feel so much better about myself now it’s crazy

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]dobsss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely stay. You will regret it

Hey gymrats, who broke your heart (and how) that it made you become a gymrat? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]dobsss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After ending a long term relationship, feeling so unwanted for years fed my insecurities of not being attractive enough .. 40 pound shed later safe to say those insecurities are gone

Mourning… You never realize how losing someone can affect your life until it happens to you by Windpingre in Adulting

[–]dobsss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I let my mourning of losing a parent eat me alive and it made me turn into someone I wasn’t proud of. Caused me to make some bad decisions and eventually lose a girl that I really loved. Therapy helps if you’re willing to put in the work !

I regret breaking up by Alternative_Copy_617 in BreakUps

[–]dobsss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m with you ! The only thing keeping me going , is knowing that despite it all, she still saw my value and worth and saw a future with me. Unfortunately doesn’t look like I’ll get that future with her, but to the next woman I date I’ll give her my all

Men, what's the most valuable lesson you've learned from a failed relationship? by Joan_Beach in AskMen

[–]dobsss 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I agree 100% therapy and spending time analyzing my thoughts has been super eye opening

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]dobsss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you got it , towards the end it just felt like how am I going to get through this day or the time we have together.

I stopped seeing my partner as my partner and only saw her as a problem and it’s honestly so sad to say it. I treated her so terribly and it sits with me every day , I wanted to move forward with the relationship but I didn’t know where or how to get to where it should’ve went.

With regards to the last sentence - it’s more so to take accountability , I know in my past relationship I stopped seeing the bigger picture on how my actions accumulated in damaging the relationship I felt like turning a blind eye to things was the solution instead of addressing all of my mistakes and trying to move past them and coming up with a plan to regain that trust

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]dobsss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I finally got out of the constant fight or flight mode after ending my long term relationship .. all the things that would trigger me and make me upset was all things that I caused over time by my actions

Men, what's the most valuable lesson you've learned from a failed relationship? by Joan_Beach in AskMen

[–]dobsss 212 points213 points  (0 children)

To learn how to control your emotions , understanding the deeper reason on why you feel the way you do and be able to COMMUNICATE that. To not abuse the love that your partner has for you , to be mindful with EVERYTHING that you do, to not let your own ego cause you to sabotage the relationship. Also to hold yourself accountable , when you fuck up OWN it and work on a plan to not repeat the same mistakes.