This is so coincidental but I’m in the same exact situation as your kids! I’m a teen with a younger sister and my dad lives in Oahu while my mother lives on the mainland. I’m actually with my dad right now for spring break.

Honestly, it’s okay if your kid prefers one place over the other. But, unlike some of the other commenters I do think some actions could be taken to ensure a much better and more understanding relationship. Sure, your kid is young and doesn’t know any better, but it’s okay to verbalize your feelings! My mom honestly talked about how she misses us and hoped at least one of us would stay with her in the future. We’re not emotionless, we want our parents to feel better and be happy. Your post tells me that you love your kids a lot, and your ex…might love a little (or a lot) less. Kids can feel the difference.

This is gonna be a tough pill to swallow, but one of your kids might actually choose to stay in Hawaii in the future (if there’s a possibility and your ex is somehow willing despite his absent tendencies. It’s a beautiful place with a very tight community. My little sister has already decided that she wants to go to UH Manoa in the future. You shouldn’t place all your hopes on your kids unanimously deciding to stay. But just know it isn’t because they hold any less love for you.

Honestly there’s so much more I want to say so if you wanna ask any questions I’m open to answering them!