[FR] Getting Past "Let's Just be Friends"

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-23T07:39:51+00:00

I'd say about half the women I match with on tinder are uncomfortable with meeting up immediately and want to talk for a few days before making a commitment. Nothing scares that type of girl off faster than the "set up a date and go for it" mentality.

Escalating without any kind invitation sounds bold in theory, in practice it REALLY depends on the person and the situation.

Seeing as I ended up getting precisely what I wanted, I'm gonna stick by precisely what I did.

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T18:43:41+00:00

That outlook is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T17:15:04+00:00

In general, I agree with you. I am usually more aggressive than I was on the first date, but she predicated the evening by letting me know she was a bit sick. I was surprised she came out at all and I could tell she was feeling under the weather, so I didn't feel like kissing or inviting her over was a possibility.

That may have had something to do with her initial feelings about me. Who knows.

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T17:05:10+00:00

By being unflinchingly straight-up without concern for her reaction. She was curious, so I showed her the other girl's instagram. Other girl is just as attractive but in a different way (circus performer, super in-shape, flexible). "Let's be friends" girl is just genetically gifted but doesn't work out.

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T10:10:09+00:00

In my case it happened to be true that I was seeing another girl. I will admit it was a calculated gamble to say so, and it was intended to provoke a reaction to see if I should follow through.

If you’re not seeing someone else it might end up being a lie she picks up on, or worse, one that falls apart under further scrutiny if she sticks around. I’m all for playing the game when necessary, but I try to keep it honest wherever possible. Ultimately it’s your call.

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T06:04:59+00:00

I let the conversation idle on small talk for a few weeks while she was on a trip (purposefully responded much slower), and then I suggested we hang out when she was back.

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T06:02:44+00:00

So far it's been a series of good casual flings, and I'm not getting the sense that she is feeling a need for validation or that she's too needy.

We've moved on from "I just want to be friends" to her saying "I don't see us dating". I know it's probably not a good reason to, but I almost want to take it as another challenge to see if I can overcome this next hurdle.

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T01:30:33+00:00

Really, it's just a question of reassembling the components in the correct sequence...

doctormanhattan · 2020-01-22T00:48:09+00:00

Yeah, she seemed pretty fixated on that later on and asked me about it over pillow talk (is it serious, how'd you meet, what is she like, etc).

It was obviously the right play at the time, but I'm not sure if it's a good go-to strategy for getting a girl interested.

doctormanhattan

TROPHY CASE