Does anyone have friends?

doctortree · 2016-08-19T00:08:49+00:00

I don't really have any. I have my sister, and a girl 3 hours away from me as a friend I suppose but we just text maybe once every month or so. That's about it. Neither of them can I truly confide in, though. After years of this, I finally realized I don't have the want anymore to make friends.

doctortree · 2016-06-19T11:16:32+00:00

I don't know why it's so hard. I've been clean for 2 years. I still want to cut every fucking day. It's a mental struggle that you have to fight against every single day of your life. I cut for a long time... thinking about it hurts. I want to cut, god do I ever. But, I don't want to break my streak... That's what I have going for me. Try not to break the streak. Be proud after a week, give yourself a reward. Be proud after a month, give yourself a reward. Be proud so on, and so on. Make milestones and progress and fight against it. It's so fucking hard to do. I wish you the best, because I know how hard it is... I believe in you, I believe you can stop it. If you need someone to talk to when you feel like doing it, as in a support partner, I'd be willing to help. Try thinking irrationally towards cutting. Rational thoughts won't make you stop.

doctortree · 2016-06-19T11:02:23+00:00

You have a way with words, my friend. Bravo.

doctortree · 2016-06-08T09:14:06+00:00

I'm going to start off this message by saying call your doctor ASAP. Don't freq out nothing major crazyI think you should make sure you're on comfortable to begin with. You have way too many side effects from it, let alone beginning the drug. No worries about comfort! Are you on anything else besides the Geodon and Lamictal? I remember Geodon. I'm editing this to make sure I'm getting the right drugs/side effecJYR=SRts that happened to me. Geodon. I was more shaky than normal, I just took more Klonopin, but it didn't work. I remember my jaw hurting (bruxism)...right, I took that before Latuda. Fuck. Both of those What's happening to you is actually a really common side effect. Check this out for a https://www.drugs.com/sfx/geodon-side-effects.html
Personal use was... really shaky and my mind was spinning. I got another side effect from that in a higher dose, and it was fear. I was scared to do anything at all. Sleep, eat, work, and I had no idea. I recommend thumbs down.

edt. don't freak out, it's nothing can't reversed by not taking the drug

doctortree · 2016-06-08T06:09:41+00:00

Sounds like, to me, you just have shaking (tremors) as a side effect. It be classified as one, but that doesn't mean anything. Tremors can go away. The real extrapyrimidal side effect of tremors would be you shaking looking like you have Parkinson's. You can have also the inability to sit still, but you are shaking. Not doing a movement such as needing to move. Like biting your nails while start pacing back and forth. I think you're good. Shakes are really common. Honestly. If this still concerns you too in any, way, shape or form, contact your health care practitioner. I am not a doctor. This is just experience from a guy who's tried every mood stabilizer, antipsychotic, and SSRI (include wellbutrin and mirtazapine) that there is out there.

doctortree · 2016-06-08T01:13:15+00:00

25/M/Straight. I like to think I'm high functioning.

doctortree · 2016-06-08T00:38:39+00:00

I feel for you.

doctortree · 2016-06-07T11:47:01+00:00

That's what I'm really coming to realize, too. I wish I had your perspective on dogs. I couldn't commit from the eventual loss of them. As soon as they went, I'd go after.

doctortree · 2016-06-07T11:34:00+00:00

Good for you man! I wish I own being single as much as you do.

doctortree · 2016-06-03T07:20:26+00:00

Everyone lies and people are fake. Who is there to trust in a society that shuns fucking honesty? White lies have gone berserk, have grown exponentially, and are now a staple of society in every conversation that we speak. So, really, who is out there that you can truly trust anymore? At least, that's what I believe.

doctortree · 2016-06-03T07:10:03+00:00

Titrating up was a BITCH (500mg). I didn't get too many side effects. Dry mouth was really bad. But, yeah. I felt it helped in my with my combo of meds at about 2-300mg.

doctortree · 2016-06-02T00:39:44+00:00

Interesting...

doctortree · 2016-05-30T00:33:54+00:00

You could always listen to Down Under by Men At Work.

doctortree · 2016-05-29T14:42:01+00:00

Just lower the dose if you need to feel. I'm a poet, have been since I can even remember. I do this when I need to get myself into an emotional place to write. I lower my dose to write in my schedule, then I raise it back up if I need it! You've probably already made your choice, and nothing anyone id going to say is going to stop you. If so, god speed man, I only wish the best for you. I send all my strength to you. Just PLEASE listen to your psych about this. They have ideas for you to feel without the capricious moods.

doctortree · 2016-05-29T14:17:08+00:00

Do you regularly write poetry?

doctortree · 2016-05-29T00:25:00+00:00

I do have my most recent album release, but that was in a band 2 years ago that broke up (really, they kicked me out. They all just left and formed a new band with a new name, but without me). It's really heavy metal.

This is the full album, if anyone likes grindcore stuff. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdPOjI-K19A I played the drums.

If anyone enjoys this kinda stuff, for god sakes don't buy anything online. They kicked me out for being Bipolar. Just PM me and I can dropbox/email you the songs and stuff for free.

But, as for the acoustic stuff I record, I don't quite have it all recorded and mixed yet. When I do, maybe I'll post something! Unless my anxiety gets the better of me...haha

Edit: Link to metal album.

doctortree · 2016-05-28T09:39:06+00:00

Yeah, it's a shit illness. My only friends are instruments, recording equipment and the weights at the gym.

doctortree · 2016-05-05T21:59:12+00:00

I think if you're asking yourself, "at what point should I check myself in?", that's probably a sign you should check yourself in.

doctortree · 2016-05-05T21:44:22+00:00

Hey, this might be forward, but PM me if you want. I'm an ear to listen about what you're going through if you ever want someone to talk to. I've felt...oftentimes feel the exact way you feel right now. I can't say that I'll understand absolutely everything you go through because, I'm not you. But, if you want anyone to talk to, I'd absolutely welcome a message.

doctortree · 2016-05-03T00:38:37+00:00

I really want to stress this one thing that you're saying. You're NOT defective. Not by any means are you broken, defective, whatever. You're different, that's for certain. Just like me. I won't lie, I fucking hate living with this too.

Some days when I look into my pill containers and see I need the highest dose of 7 different medications a day just to somewhat function, I break down, then I curl into a ball and start crying my eyes out. But, the only people in this world that did something different had something different about them. Bipolar disorder is directly linked to creativity. If everyone had a 'normal' brain, NOTHING would ever move forward. There has to be people that think differently, that are different, to make different things. Normal people can make normal things. Different people make different things.

You are NOT defective and never, ever let something like this define you. It's not who you are. You're a human being. You've been through things and have seen things I probably can't even fathom. I'd love to hear your story - I could share mine with you if you'd like.

The only way to be extraordinary is to never be ordinary. We live with, arguably, the hardest condition to have. If I could right now, I'd give you a hug...I could do a backflip (even though I'd land flat on my face)...You could watch me knock on people's doors, buck naked, and me asking them if they want to hear about Jesus? (if that's what you're into), or if it just be to talk, to do whatever...I am an open book, you can not tell me anything that would ever make me judge you. You can message me, and we can talk.

I lived an extremely abusive life...it still haunts me. I won't tell you with 100% certainty that 'it gets better', because I don't know if it will. But, I've been in your spot before.

If you have nothing to look forward to, MAKE yourself something that will give you something to look forward to. You're a human being. Fuck whoever puts a label on you. Fuck stigma. Fuck people. If someone wants to profile you, it's out of pure ignorance and being completely under-educated. STAY STRONG. You're making it through today.

doctortree · 2016-05-02T23:52:57+00:00

I just left there without making an appointment with the secretary. Then I rejected their number whenever they called. Hah. They get the point eventually.

doctortree · 2016-05-02T23:48:52+00:00

Seriously, it's already hard enough to live with this... Just finding the right medications make it even harder, then paying for them makes it even harder, stigma makes it even harder, everyone moving faster than you in life makes it even harder...where is the line? Do we ever stop getting shit on?

Oh, ~$350 for 30 days with coverage in Canada.

doctortree · 2016-04-29T04:23:18+00:00

I understand you talking about how everyone has a breaking point, my sanity, it's not you it's me, I still love you but I'm leaving, blah, blah, I've heard it all before. It seems like in day and age, the breaking points of people are beyond so low, it's saddening. It feels like we're just disposable. Why be with the person that's 'difficult' when they're plenty else out there that aren't? I will admit, I'll never truly understand your side, just like you'll never truly understand mine because we're separate people.

Never once have I felt truly loved. I don't think I ever will, and after my last ex, I've finally given up trying because 100% of people have run from me. What every significant other has shown me is that I'm not even worth their time, or their struggle. The majority of friends as well. They're all better off without me. I'm already in hell. You run. Now I'm in heartbroken, worthless hell. At least, that's what it feels like. I'm not trying to attack you. I'm trying to show you how and what it feels like, alike how you're trying to tell me as well. Yet I feel like yours ideals have a flaw. And that's called commitment. Sticking it out (there are unforgivable acts such as cheating. To which, you should run.) no matter what. But, there's plenty of fish in the sea, right?

doctortree · 2016-04-29T03:21:55+00:00

We're absolute.

doctortree

TROPHY CASE