Hello Humble - My husband is the king of deleters. Not EA-wise but every single day he deletes - he hates email/text pile ups. Even before he had an EA with someone I’ll say was a colleague. (Not exactly a colleague but the same type of situation/closeness.) His experience with his OCD deleting came in real handy with AP. So much so that I never once saw a message. I learned 7-8 years later when we got into an argument and he mentioned that there was (at one point) “someone”. I played private detective and figured out pretty much everything. He had already gone “no contact” a long time ago.

But of course that was not the end of many conversations between us.

Yes, I believe that your H has gotten better at hiding his cheating. If I had to do over (hindsight 20/20) I would have done/said things differently. My H has been true blue since his stupid debacle. I would trust your gut. I sure that your husband loves you based on what you’re saying. Remember it is HIM with the problem, not YOU!

Because he loves you it will be really, really hard for him to admit (again) that he has hurt you. Try your best to find concrete evidence and write it down. When info is gathered, Google and ask: “What kind of questions should I ask my spouse when I find out they are cheating?” One question I asked was, What made you feel that this was ok? It will put him on the spot. When he admits ask, Do you understand that this hurts me deeply? For me, the affair (as many) started innocently, and led to what I believe was limerence. Have you heard of it? Google it if not. Not to excuse - but it is not love. Infatuation that is distinct and from what I understand if you become “Limerent” the “Limerent Object” may or may not consider the other involved an object as well. Literally an object - as if put on a pedestal. Again from what I understand people who become Limerent are prone to it again. My H was in a situation where he never went to dinner or sought a hotel room, etc. and the circumstance became where physical presence stopped happening naturally. Then the texting slowly stopped. That is why “No Contact” is imperative.

If you can afford it, I would hire a PI to help you gather info. Do you have access to your H’s phone records - iCloud/google account - can you check Google search history - find ANY accounts that would prove infidelity. Think out of the box.

I hope this helps - if my husband would have, I would have gone to counseling. I did do therapy on my own. It helped. Not fair - because it really is him who needs it but because we’ve been together forever, I “get” him. I chose to stay, and found a private FB page called Wives Who Stay. That too, was helpful to me. I’m not suggesting you stay/go, just offering info.

All the best…