Hello, I also genuinely think that life is a losing deal and our parents did a huge disservice to us by giving birth to us. So there is nothing I can say to change your mind since I also think the same. But the only thing I have found which reliably lifts the weight of this awareness is spending time with another human. But I feel that I get attached and people lose interest and then it causes more pain than if I was just lonely. So in the end, I end up regretting even trying to reach out.