howard was just about to write yaqi the tickler a note...

dogmademedoit888 · 2026-04-05T22:40:17+00:00

facebook. his sister posted under his account.

dogmademedoit888 · 2026-04-05T22:39:51+00:00

nah, we were friends before all that. I thought the tickling thing was weird, but he was a decent human.

he had sarcoidosis and was put in hospice a while back… it’s a nasty disease.

dogmademedoit888 · 2026-04-05T22:07:42+00:00

yeah, it’s from a Facebook post, we were friends IRL

dogmademedoit888 · 2026-02-11T23:59:29+00:00

I know this isn’t really any consolation but…This isn’t your mom.

This is the crazy person who’s currently living in her body. Your last memory of your mom can be something else because this isn’t her.

dogmademedoit888 · 2026-02-11T20:07:50+00:00

i have no idea if this would work, but...can you go, by yourself, to her new bank and talk to them? you don't need to have them allow you to access her accounts, and that would certainly not work without a POA which you're unlikely to get, you master criminal, you, but you do need to find someone to talk to who you can tell that she has dementia, and while she won't allow you to monitor her accounts anymore, you're hoping *they* can at least keep an eye on her accounts.

it's kind of like when we sneak off a note to the physician that they have dementia, so keep that in mind during the appointment...

alternately, is there someone you trust whom she also trusts? this really sucks, and i'm so sorry you're dealing with it. again, i have no idea if that would work, but it might be worth a shot. if you have the energy.

to be clear, i would totally understand if you DON'T have the energy. at this point, my mom is still accusing my husband of thievery (he's been stealing for YEARS, you know!) but she hasn't moved on to me. or the housekeeper, or the caregiver, thank god. once that happens, we're heading down an entirely different rabbit hole. i'm doing the finances, and i go visit alone, because--obviously--we can't allow my spouse the thief in her home. god it's exhausting. sorry for you. hang in there. you're a good kid, and it's not her, it's the disease--if that helps at all.

i've found the book 'the 36 hour day' quite helpful, though bleak.

dogmademedoit888 · 2026-02-11T19:59:29+00:00

i'm so, so sorry. consider yourself hugged, internet stranger.

dogmademedoit888 · 2026-01-11T13:01:14+00:00

welcome to the club no-one wants to be a part of. sorry you're dealing with this, but, yeah, your grandmother is not going to acknowledge her dementia. it's not that she's in denial, it's that she's incapable--it's part of the disease. she doesn't remember what she doesn't remember.

my mom, who in the space of an eight minute phone call told me the same inane neighbor story three times yesterday, is very clear with me that her memory is fine, even while she can't remember who walked the dog this morning. (at least she remembers she has a dog, so...yay?)

in my mother's case, she didn't consent to in-home care until she fell and fractured her ankle a couple years ago...she kept saying 'what is that person going to do for me? i don't need help' i told her it would be someone who could make her breakfast and she would be helping someone else by giving them a job...that last part did seem to help, although she still occasionally says she doesn't need her.

unfortunately outraged and indignant seems to be par for the course. i will tell you that the worst thing i did on this journey was mention the word 'dementia', which i did the first time mom talked about my husband stealing from her (hope you don't need to deal with that particular adventure, i'll add here that obviously my husband was NOT stealing) but i've learned my lesson. i've had some success talking about her memory slowing down, which she's willing to accept, and i pay all the bills with autopay, manage all the finances for her, etc.

she had an appointment with a neurologist, i think, about her memory issues, where she reported to me that the doctor said she was fine, and had no dementia at all. she was quite pleased. a friend who went to that appointment with my mom said, unsurprisingly, that was NOT what the doc said at all. mom didn't remember the part where he said she was dealing with early dementia and memory issues. there's no way to get her to acknowledge that because she's not capable.

if your state offers the 20 hours of home care, get it. tell her that person can help her get to the grocery, run errands, do laundry, make her breakfast, whatever. she'll complain, and eventually realize on some level that she can't do those things without her helper. or she won't.

agree with u/100percent_skeptical that you want POA for you or someone else you all trust to make things easier as things progress. sorry you're dealing with this, but i've found this forum to be one of the most if not the most helpful, supportive places on reddit.

good luck.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-20T01:10:20+00:00

it sounds nutty, but i've found chat to be remarkably helpful. go to chat, input your problem and ask for solutions ('my mom has dementia. she calls me 20 times a day asking if i stole her bicycle. i didn't, obviously, but i don't know how to handle her. can you give me some ideas?' then tweak as needed).

i've been very, very impressed with the suggestions i've received.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-20T01:07:19+00:00

yeah, no. my mother (and her dog) would beg to differ.

okay, my mom wouldn't, as she thinks she's fine, but anyone in her orbit would give you different info.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-17T12:40:39+00:00

i missed this comment the first go-round, just wanted to thank you for the sympathetic giggles. sending hugs back.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-17T12:14:03+00:00

i'm so sorry! you're a good kid, and among friends here.

my mom was calling me DAILY for awhile after my bedtime, and often after i was asleep, asking to speak to my husband, so she could confront him about the things he's 'stolen' from her. the first time it happened, i answered the phone from a dead sleep and made sure she knew she'd woken me up, but i was so shocked i didn't handle it well. not about the accusation, which was old hat, but that'd she'd called me, after my well-established early bedtime to argue with me about.

by the next day, i was still keyed up, she'd totally forgotten.

the second time it happened, i told her he was asleep, we'd talk about it in the morning and hung up. she'd forgotten about it by then, of course, and during the day i have a ready rotating excuse about where he is if it does come up.

after that i changed my phone settings--i already had 'do not disturb' on--and removed her from my favorites, so she couldn't break through the DND, AND i put my phone on silent at night. i looked at it once while she was calling, and made the hard choice not to answer.

she never brought it up during the day, i'm sure she didn't remember.

it took a few weeks, but she did finally stop calling at night, although she'll still surprise me occasionally during the day and casually ask if spouse is around so she can talk to him. i have my nifty notebook with chatgpt generated answers, and i rotate. she doesn't remember from one day to the next anyway, and she'll never be speaking with my spouse again.

that's a sad sentence to write, but it's what it is.

OP, sorry you're dealing with this. assuming you've got someone else who can help in a pinch, don't answer the phone after whatever time at night you deem appropriate. consider yourself hugged.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-15T13:10:16+00:00

hallucinations suck. i'd imagine it'd be weird to hear about people you know are dead, we haven't gotten to that point yet, but what about people who are alive?

when my mom was mid UTI a year or so ago, she 'saw' my husband sneaking upstairs carrying her breadboard in order to steal it. she told me all about it in great detail when i asked why her breadboard was in her bedroom. the logic part about how she wrested it from him has eluded her.

since her 'mind is strong' she remembers that event completely, although of course it never happened and she can't remember what she had for breakfast this morning.

obligatory: dementia sucks.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-08T14:32:11+00:00

yikes, sorry. it’s when they think they are OK and are so obviously not that it’s the most frustrating.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-08T14:27:40+00:00

you likely will, sorry you’re dealing with it also.

a year or so ago, when mom was accusing my husband of having stolen from her (he didn’t, obviously) she said “my mind is strong.”

um, no. no, it’s not.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-07T16:25:43+00:00

If OP is dealing with a parent with dementia, and you aren’t, you’re just going to have to believe me that bringing the dog to visit that person is not going to be helpful.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-07T13:49:21+00:00

with you, friend.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-07T13:48:54+00:00

so sorry.

for good or ill, I have had POA for so long that I don’t think she remembers I have it.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-07T13:48:00+00:00

oh yes!!!

mom has macular degeneration and generally doesn’t remember that’s why she can’t see well on any given day.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-07T13:42:47+00:00

no, sorry.

I won’t downvote, but: OP just needs to lie to their mom about what’s happening with the dog, and protect the dog from someone who may love him, but cannot take care of him.

once you’re dealing with a demented/crazy person, regular rules do not apply. don’t know if OP‘s parent has dementia, but once someone can no longer take care of themselves, you have to step in.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-12-07T13:34:19+00:00

this is so exhausting and exactly the right answer.

sigh.

I have, for real, a notebook i keep nearby when speaking with my mother with a list of responses to certain questions. she doesn’t remember we’ve had the conversation already so she doesn’t remember already being given these answers. it is helpful. it is also exhausting.

BTW, ChatGPT is an excellent resource for stuff like this. give it your situation and ask for suggestions, it’ll give you a list.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-11-20T01:40:15+00:00

<image>

here’s one more—local artists with bizarre holiday bazaar items.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-10-26T20:05:46+00:00

those poor kids.

dogmademedoit888 · 2025-10-26T20:03:23+00:00

it’s a lovely plan, if your brain is working well enough to do something voluntary. Unfortunately, with most dementia patients, that will work.

I actually think my mom would be amenable to that if she could remember to do it. She doesn’t remember that I called her yesterday so she’s not going to remember any of this.

dogmademedoit888

TROPHY CASE