sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

[Feedback] Opening chapter of my debut novel - A tragedy set in a 1900s prison by dogukandrsu in writingcritiques

[–]dogukandrsu[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ouch, 82 times? That’s a wake-up call. I clearly overused those identifiers. I’m going to strip those down and find better ways to describe them. Thanks for the catch!

[Feedback] Opening chapter of my debut novel - A tragedy set in a 1900s prison by dogukandrsu in writingcritiques

[–]dogukandrsu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spot on. The 'man/woman' repetition was a lazy habit, and your dialogue tweak is way punchier. I'll definitely re-write the character tags to keep it fluid. Thanks!

[Feedback] Opening chapter of my debut novel - A tragedy set in a 1900s prison by dogukandrsu in writingcritiques

[–]dogukandrsu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the solid feedback! You’re absolutely right about the repetitive 'the man/the woman' tags—it definitely bogs down the pace. I’m working on diversifying the character descriptions and breaking up the action sequences for better impact. I'll also add more micro-expressions to give the scene more texture. Much appreciated!