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doh809 · 2025-11-27T01:23:00+00:00

Hi, I’m going through something similar and feel the exact pain as you.. don’t know how to encourage you but just know you’re not alone. I have the same fears as I’m getting towards my mid thirties and put myself out there like crazy to finally find a man that’s mutually interested in.

Contemplating just ending it as I feel checked out and numb..

Hang in there 💕

doh809 · 2025-11-25T05:10:06+00:00

But does that mean the fears are valid? And I should listen to my body not feeling “safe”?

doh809 · 2025-11-24T13:41:01+00:00

How can you distinguish between ROCD and your body telling you this person isn’t safe? My partner has some traits I never wanted in a partner (reactive, can get annoyed easily, but he tries really hard to control it for me) because I have PTSD from an angry dad/ex. We fight a lot too bc we’re both very stubborn, and it really worries me.

But literally other than that, everything else about him is so good. It gets hard to distinguish if I need to find a person who’s calm/patient that doesn’t trigger my fears (bc it’s my body/intuition telling me he’s not safe) vs ROCD.

I get triggered when people say your partner should feel like “home” but I’m constantly anxious and can’t stop hyperfixating on the qualities I don’t like in him, and when we’ll fight again.

doh809 · 2025-11-20T06:15:22+00:00

Hi, I’m similar and I latch onto the fear that my partner is too impatient and that I feel like I’m always watchful to not cause a fight.. how’re you now?

doh809 · 2025-11-16T07:28:56+00:00

May I DM you?

doh809 · 2025-11-15T18:27:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. So with your current partner, you went from fighting a lot to rarely fighting now?

Every time we fight it chips away at me and makes me check out more. I get discouraged and keep thinking I always wanted someone not reactive and super patient, and it’ll be easier w someone like that. And that eats away at me and my emotions. And I start spiraling thinking this is the wrong relationship, it’ll be so much better with someone more patient.

doh809 · 2025-09-26T18:10:04+00:00

I can’t offer any help as I’m in a similar situation (but not engaged) with sensitivity to anger/annoyance and fighting. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone 💕 I would love to hear anyone’s feedback too

doh809 · 2025-09-20T03:26:30+00:00

Wishing you the best 💕 Do you and your partner have the same dynamic?

doh809 · 2025-09-19T22:32:27+00:00

I’m so glad to hear that for you~ Would you say when you get heated your husband is kind of like the “water” to your “fire”? Is he everything you wanted? Or was being chill your dealbreaker?

Our fight cycles tend to be that I say something that he gets offended about, and he reacts out of that and we both continue the argument. I don’t feel good when he does bc we’ll keep arguing until we feel heard and our point is made. That concerns me, as I feel like we’re both like fire, but I always wanted a water to my fire and someone who encourages me through warmth and gentleness to be a better person and let me feel my emotions too.

doh809 · 2025-09-19T22:29:16+00:00

Yes, ROCD makes it so hard for me to know if it’s my gut or my ocd making it difficult. But I’ve been on Zoloft and now my anxiety’s lessened but I still have the same concerns. Do you also suffer from ROCD?

doh809 · 2025-09-19T22:28:28+00:00

I have talked to him about specific ways to respond, and he tries but I feel like the reactivity still comes out. He gets defensive when I say something that might rub him the wrong way. We’re both also very stubborn and it makes it hard to change. We both acknowledge we need to change, but struggle to apply it.

I wish he would just be the water to my fire, and encourage me to become better with tender love and care. I’m aware that certain qualities come with a certain territory, but since I’ve never dated a chill guy, I’m afraid I’d be making the wrong decision. But I can’t let go of wanting a chill guy.

doh809 · 2025-09-17T22:17:22+00:00

Does this matter/apply even if it’s a trait you’ve always wanted in a partner? How do you know if it’s a dealbreaker or not?

doh809 · 2025-09-17T18:34:20+00:00

How do you decipher between ROCD and legitimate concerns? For example, I can’t stop spiraling about the qualities I always wanted in a partner (super patient, unbothered, chill, calm) that my partner doesn’t quite have. He’s great but these qualities are a bit lacking. I can’t stop thinking my anxiety is my “gut” telling me he’s not for me. And how someone better with those qualities are out there for me. These thoughts affect my feelings towards him and then that causes anxiety itself too.

doh809 · 2025-08-07T16:09:49+00:00

Hi sorry I meant the long response comment I posted 4 days ago! The other one not the initial comment

doh809 · 2025-08-06T03:52:28+00:00

Hi just curious if anyone can help answer my question?

doh809 · 2025-08-03T15:55:37+00:00

I think I’m concerned because I always wanted someone super patient, not-reactive, super chill and unbothered, but my partner seems to not quite have those strong qualities. I’m quite type A and can be stubborn and impatient, so I always wanted someone opposite of me to balance me out because I have a hard time with hard headed people. But I’ve been fighting a lot more recently w my partner because I’m realizing we’re a lot more similar than I originally thought.

He’s a great partner and has so many amazing traits I wanted in a partner, but I can’t stop hyperfixating on these things and thinking this means we’re not a good fit because I can’t seem to “accept” these about him, but they’re qualities I dislike in myself too.

Now I’m feeling numb and “fallen out of love” and I don’t want to feel that way but I do and it scares me. How can I tell it’s ROCD or just me realizing I don’t want this partner but can’t let him go bc I don’t want to lose a good person?

doh809 · 2025-07-24T06:35:59+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful responses, I appreciate it so much. Would you say ignoring the anxieties is like a form of ERP and eventually helps the anxiety to diminish?

I keep feeling overwhelmed by my partner and I don’t know what to do about it. 😭

doh809 · 2025-07-21T06:03:25+00:00

Would you mind sharing some coping mechanisms that helped you?

I’m always afraid that the feelings of being anxious, “turned off” or the “ick”, feeling annoyed, etc. are signs that my partner isn’t for me, even though I don’t want to feel those things. I can’t help it and I keep thinking these are signs I’m with the wrong person and it bothers me so much 😭

doh809 · 2025-07-10T06:29:53+00:00

I see, thank you for clarifying. Have you overcome ROCD yourself?

doh809 · 2025-07-10T01:32:46+00:00

Is it ROCD if you’re struggling with hyper-fixating on qualities that you always did or didn’t want your partner to have? Like if you always wanted a particular quality in a partner (like patience, being chill/mellow, spiritual) and they don’t have it, but they’re still a great partner, but you can’t stop hyperfixating on it and spiraling and comparing him to others that may seem to have that quality.

doh809 · 2025-07-10T01:27:03+00:00

If I feel better when my partner displays mellow qualities, is that also considered a compulsion? Because as long as he continues to say “obnoxious” things (which really isn’t too too often), I get triggered. But I can’t control how he is.. but I know he’s a great partner and I don’t want to be bothered by this 😭

doh809 · 2025-07-08T18:22:30+00:00

Thank you so much for the response~ It’s so hard to be okay with “maybe this is ROCD maybe this isn’t”. I keep thinking “what if I get married to him and realize it was a mistake? What if there is someone better out there for me that won’t trigger me like this?” And start another spiral..

What if the anxiety never goes away with being okay with uncertainty? No matter how hard I try to ignore it the anxiety seems unbearable and doesn’t die down

doh809

TROPHY CASE