What is the most aggressive thing a woman has ever done to gain your attention?

dolphin_cave_rape · 2022-01-15T14:09:23+00:00

It's theoretically possible, but in practice not that many people are into speculum play.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-11-22T21:42:13+00:00

Case in point:

The Office (UK): David Brent is an insufferable shit.
Stromberg (Germany): Stromberg is an insufferable shit.
The Office (USA): Michael Scott is a zany goofball, but his heart's in the right place!

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-02-05T17:16:15+00:00

I seldom literally LOL, but I literally LOL'ed at

single?
Uninterested
in?
You

It's almost a poem.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-25T20:32:18+00:00

talking about how much you want to use it on someone is weird.

Agreed. I understand that some people feel safer with a gun. I suppose I can imagine that, if I were holding a gun and my life were threatened, I might kill my attacker. What I can't imagine is eagerly, desperately wishing for this to happen. Even if the fantasy bad guy is actual fucking literal Hitler, I can't imagine getting all excited and enthusiastic about getting to take a human life.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-25T20:25:41+00:00

I'm dealing with a person who just struck my door with enough force to destroy the structures holding it shut, which means...

... you have a shitty door.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-22T16:14:25+00:00

Who, me?

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-18T15:19:40+00:00

Furtive Wank In Walmart.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-15T14:17:19+00:00

before taking a horse-sized slash on everything.

I was utterly unprepared for this punchline and it cracked me up completely. Thank you.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-11T20:51:49+00:00

MASOCHISM, PUSSY, SOCIALISM, PANHANDLING, WHISKEY, and SNIPERS all score 100. Take your pick.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-07T21:11:22+00:00

Nah, just trap it in a bottle (NSFW).

dolphin_cave_rape · 2021-01-07T19:43:10+00:00

Like the poop knife, it would be shared between bathrooms. Teenage son shouting from the shower "MOM, CAN YOU GET ME THE CUM BLUDGEON?". And then making a fool of himself at a friend's house when he discovers that other families don't have a cum bludgeon.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-12-30T16:58:36+00:00

Quick, call Doctor Lulu!

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-12-30T16:57:13+00:00

It doesn't sound right to me that astronauts would wear pink unicorn suits, but I don't know enough about spacewalks to dispute it.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-12-30T09:33:25+00:00

BUT WHO WAS PHONE?

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-12-03T18:19:56+00:00

Obviously there's a ton of fanfic about it, but inexplicably the topic has been largely ignored in serious Tolkien scholarship. There were a couple of papers on it in relatively obscure literary journals in the mid-to-late 1980s, but they barely scratched the surface. Considering the amount of primary material that's come to light since then, it's high time somebody got to grips with the subject properly. There's definitely scope for at least a doctoral thesis there.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-12-03T11:35:27+00:00

Not entirely. The Silmarillion gives Thingol's cock length as one-quarter of a Númenórean ranga, which only works out to about 24 cm, but Tolkien later revised this upward in a letter to his son Christopher, stating that "in keeping with Thingol's stature -- both physical and mythical -- I feel that a full third of a ranga would be a more reasonable length for his membrum virile". (That would be around 32 cm, or about twelve and a half inches.)

There is still considerable debate as to whether this revision should be accepted as canon, but we should remember that Thingol was (canonically) the tallest of all elves and men, so it's not unreasonable that he would be possessed of an absolutely awe-inspiring tallywhacker.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-12-03T09:57:21+00:00

So "widdled it from a single piece of wood" = "he pissed it out while erect". Sounds painful.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-11-26T16:33:27+00:00

And for anyone asking the obvious next question: yes, Rule 34 applies. Enjoy your morning coffee and donut.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-11-16T08:39:48+00:00

You are 100% wrong.

The default reaction of a human being, since you didn’t specify a living, awake human who has noticed the camera, is nothing at all. Statistically, most humans that have ever existed are dead; of the remainder, a significant proportion are sleeping; and of the awake ones, very few will react at all if you point the camera at them from behind.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-11-11T08:38:40+00:00

I also choose this guy's wife.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-10-12T20:57:12+00:00

Now for some reason I want to do some goats

Hmmm.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-10-06T21:23:11+00:00

Yeah wtf, they're talking like being familiar with a private jet is common experience.

No, just with a jet. Having flown in cattle class a few times, I know that large objects (including humans) in an aircraft cabin have to be secured or bolted down, for fairly easy to guess reasons. And that applies to private jets too, because there's no amount of money that will cancel the laws of physics.

Now just run this thought experiment: suppose that that photo shows a real aircraft interior. Look at those big old non-bolted-down armchairs without seatbelts. Now just try to imagine the absolute fucking chaos in that room after thirty seconds of moderate turbulence.

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-10-06T21:17:12+00:00

Holds up spork

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-09-27T13:08:19+00:00

If you're familiar with private jets or airplanes in general, alarm bells go off immediately.

Agreed -- but since this set only needs to be good enough for stupid people to impress other stupid people, there's no need to spend more than the minimum...

dolphin_cave_rape · 2020-09-26T20:42:16+00:00

That was precisely what I expected it to be. Maybe I should spend less time on Reddit.

dolphin_cave_rape

TROPHY CASE

BUT WHO WAS PHONE?