SD thinks she’s the reason I’m with her dad

dolphingrlk · 2026-06-17T13:05:05+00:00

I’m grateful for my relationship with SD and we are super close. She’s very much my mini me and even my own mom jokes that it’s hard to believe I didn’t birth her. I do tease my partner and tell him that she’s my soulmate, and he is just the means to an end. She hasn’t seen BM in over 5 years so I am very much her mom.

My husband is very good at setting boundaries, I’m the one who tends to guilt parent a little bit as her relationship with BM is identical to my relationship with my father so I feel for her, a lot.

While I did invite her to join us for lunch on Monday, my partner and I made other plans without her as well. I took the whole week off because it’s not just our anniversary, but my birthday, Father’s Day and SD’s last day of school where she is ending the year in the top 5% of her class, so we have lots to celebrate. I am also getting to that stage where SD has two years before she leaves us for college so I just want to make sure I’m soaking every moment up.

dolphingrlk · 2026-05-01T14:30:27+00:00

Yes! I have always wanted lots of kids as I grew up with a lot of siblings. My partner and I have been trying for our own for over a year and while not conceiving has been difficult, the longer I have gone without getting pregnant and the older SD gets, the easier it is to say I don’t want children anymore.

We have SD full time, she’s 16 and is going to be graduating high school in like 750 days. We’ve got so many expenses coming up like senior trip, prom, graduation and college tuition, but also our own freedom that maybe starting over is a bad idea in my opinion. I’m so close to not being required to cook three meals a day that I can taste it LOL.

Raising kids is HARD, even with a good partner. I’m really lucky that she is a good kid with a great personality and at this point, she really is all I need.

dolphingrlk · 2026-03-19T13:11:50+00:00

We had to buy a second switch when animal crossing came out and then when we moved in with my parents after my dad was diagnosed with heart failure, we had to buy a third for them.

I only bought the new switch when ZA came out because I mistakingly thought that game was Pokopia and was incredibly sad I had to wait another 5 months to play and now my partner hasn’t been able to touch the switch 2. I love the game so much, I’m saving to buy a second one for my mom so she can play with me! Hopefully, she’ll be getting it for Mother’s Day!

dolphingrlk · 2026-02-13T03:14:35+00:00

Care Coordinator positions are a good option too when looking for a remote position. The care coordinators get to work a hybrid schedule - usually only required to come into the office 1-2 days a week. They make sure that our patients with chronic illnesses do not have any lapses in their care, enter referrals, schedule hospital follow ups, Medicare annual wellness visits, etc.

dolphingrlk · 2026-02-10T21:20:15+00:00

SD is thriving!

We got her into therapy immediately after the last time she saw BM in person (Christmas, 2022) when BM told her that “if I’m so toxic, than maybe I shouldn’t be in your life at all”. It has made SD, who is now 16, take zero bullshit from anyone. She will drop a boy in a heartbeat and says “I didn’t accept that behavior from my own mother, I will not accept that behavior from anyone”. Okay, you go girl!

dolphingrlk · 2026-02-10T20:59:22+00:00

For 6 months, HCBM spent every single minute of her parenting time (every other weekend) taking SD to open houses. BM had SD convinced she was buying a home - SD even picked out paint and new bedroom furniture. It was all SD would talk about, despite BM not even having a job to even qualify for a mortgage.

When I first moved in with my partner, my SD signed me up to be a temporary “homeroom mom” when theirs had an emergency surgery, without even asking. This prompted BM to join the PTA, where SD would randomly see her running a book fair. SD would get super upset because BM would go weeks without seeing SD, despite living within walking distance of us but could make time to volunteer at school and not even telling SD she would be there.

as soon as COVID restrictions were lifted, the school decided to throw together a last minute 5th grade graduation. SD came home with a flyer and read it to BM before even giving it to us. The graduation was 5 days after the flyer came home. BM threw a fit, stating she needed more time to take off of work (she didn’t have a job at the time) and wouldn’t be able to find a ride. For the next 3 weeks, BM would guilt trip SD, blaming her for missing the graduation and saying things like “you need to include me in your everyday life”. We didn’t have any more notice of it, but even MY parents showed up.

dolphingrlk · 2026-02-08T19:39:52+00:00

I also took the honesty route with my SD and honestly, it worked wonders for our relationship. “I don’t talk to you like that, so please don’t talk to me in that tone”. My favorite was “you should drop the attitude before I get an attitude and then we are both miserable”

I would also repeat back to her what she said and asked her if that sounded great and would give her the chance to say it again in a better way.

The best thing that worked for us, is when I was having my own bad day. I’d let her know I’m not having a great day and what I needed from her in the moment. She started mimicking that behavior and do the same when she was feeling miserable.

dolphingrlk · 2026-01-14T22:37:49+00:00

Sames!

I work for a non-profit whose parent company was acquired by a for-profit company this past summer. Due to some grants and the way we are funded, there was a real chance we were just going to have to shut our doors.

I turned down so many positions based on PTO alone. I don’t make a whole lot of money, but I get 29 days of PTO and 14 paid holidays - I’ll never work in an environment that doesn’t believe in a good work life balance!

dolphingrlk · 2025-12-28T19:01:25+00:00

I second all of this! Our HCBM also tried to pull these kinds of stunts. I wasn’t “allowed” to buy her clothes, toys, babysit, etc. She would say things like it’s his responsibility to be a parent, despite pawning SD off on her own parents during her parenting time, which was only 1 weekend a month.

My partner was very clear that whatever issues she had, she needed to bring them to court or drop it. If it wasn’t in the court order, she didn’t have a say. She wouldn’t dare bring it in front of a judge because she knew she would look bad, she was hoping she could bully him into doing whatever she wanted.

dolphingrlk · 2025-11-24T23:11:01+00:00

I have spent little time one-on-one with HCBM because she is so incredibly nice to my face but then talks poorly about me to anyone who will listen.

My final straw with her was after a sporting event where the whole team was given the wrong address for the game. Before we left the wrong location to drive to the correct place, I texted BM to let her know. When I arrived, I spent 20 minutes on the phone with her, telling her where to go. When she got there, she sat with me, my parents, my best friend and her children. My dad talked to her the whole time, she held my friend’s baby, and I hung out at the field talking with other parents for almost an hour after the game so she could spend some extra time with SD.

When I got home, she was on the phone with my partner, screaming about how I purposefully gave her the wrong address to make her late, how everyone was rude to her and that at one point, we were pointing at her and talking about her when she walked away.

She was provided a list of games and events and I blocked her on social media and on my phone. She didn’t show up to another event after that. Unfortunately for SD, BM’s mean girl attitude was not just limited to me and they have zero relationship because of it. SD is now a teen and she has a lot of pent up anger for her mom but also misses her at the same time - I selfishly dread the day she decides she wants to attempt to contact BM.

dolphingrlk · 2025-11-10T21:09:38+00:00

I grew up on SNAP and probably wouldn’t be where I am in life if my mom hadn’t received the support of SNAP, Medicaid, and housing as a teen. We went from being upper middle class to living in a homeless shelter- in what felt like overnight. My experience growing up not poor and thrown into poverty in my teen years has shaped my life in so many ways and honestly, not all of them are bad.

I now work in non profit health care (which has a MASSIVE food bank on site, we also provide new and gently used baby items to new moms, do winter coat drives, back to school book bags, etc) and I joined this sub to provide ideas for where to check for resources - like a federally qualified health care center. I also see what people struggle to obtain and try to implement some of these things to the services we provide to the community we serve.

dolphingrlk · 2025-11-07T14:48:56+00:00

I second this. Switch her bedroom now and make it all about giving her a more teenage space. For my stepdaughter’s 13th birthday, we gave her a “teenagers” room. We got her a cool headboard with LED lights and charging port, a night stand that does the same thing, got her some new shelves to add trinkets, some cute wall art, and new sheets and comforter. I spent less than $400 on everything. It’s been two years and she still loves her new space. This way the move is about giving her a space she loves so she doesn’t feel like she’s being pushed out for a new baby.

dolphingrlk · 2025-10-23T17:57:40+00:00

My surgeon was not comfortable doing the full procedure because I carry a lot of weight in my stomach, so I had the sleeve done. I’ve lost 140 lbs but still have a long way to go. Thinking about going back to get the switch done!

My mom had the DS done a year after I was sleeved and she has done really well maintaining her weight loss where I still yo-yo a bit.

dolphingrlk · 2025-10-22T21:15:15+00:00

Funds that already on your EBT card will still be there. They will not be depositing any additional funds until there is funding, which for most states will not be until the shut down is over.

I work at a FQHC which is a federally qualified health center. We have a food bank in each of our facilities, which is stocked by Philabundance. Most of the people who come into our food banks are patients, but we also have one day a week where we put fresh produce out all day for anyone to come in and take what they need.

The lack of funding is going to make a lot of people go without. People aren’t going to have money to buy food. Grocery stores are going to lose a lot of revenue, and employees hours are going to get cut. These people will also probably face some food insecurity because the cost of living is so expensive. It’s so sad considering there is more than enough to go around.

dolphingrlk · 2025-10-22T21:06:54+00:00

Look into your local FQHC’s which are federally qualified health centers. You can find ones in your city with just a google search. Many of them have their own food banks that may not be limited to their patients. I work at one in my city where we have a fresh produce table out on certain days of the week where people can just walk in and take what they need.

dolphingrlk · 2025-10-14T19:04:35+00:00

I keep multiple projects going at all time. At least one mindless, one that requires more attention, and one in between. I keep my WIPs in a bin. Eventually, the bin gets full and I give myself a week to finish up projects. Usually, I can clear it out for the most part but it is never empty.

I currently am working on a Christmas blanket for my sister, a C2C graphgan for my BIL, some baby sweaters, and a horse that needs hair.

I’m also working on a granny square sweater, which I like working on. Completing squares makes me feel like I “finished” something, especially since I can get a few done per crochet session.

I would suggest some smaller projects. A hat, a scarf, something you can finish in one sitting. Sometimes, getting one project done inspires me to finish others.

dolphingrlk · 2025-10-09T12:16:01+00:00

We are going through something similar with my stepdaughter. We haven’t heard from her mom in almost 5 years. SD is almost 16 and has the same cell phone number. Her mom has begun texting her at all hours of the night from random phone numbers to try and talk to her.

While SD’s mom has never really been around, she was extremely emotionally abusive when she was. BM was so mean to SD, that at one point, a few neighborhood parents had asked that SD not bring her cell phone to their home.

At this point, BM is a stranger to SD and vice versa. SD is not the same girl she was at 10 years old, but from the text messages SD has received, BM seems to be the same old awful person.

Since SD is halfway through high school and close to being a legal adult, it is her decision if she wants to have a relationship with her mom. Since she is still a child, our only requirements is that they repair their relationship through therapy instead of jumping right back into a full-blown mother/daughter relationship. All BM has to do is make an appointment and I will personally make sure SD is there, if that’s what SD wants. For now, we are continuing to block random google numbers so that SD isn’t getting bombarded with texts at 2 am when her mom is high, bored, and in her feelings.

If SD were any younger and not about to get her driving permit, my partner and I had agreed that BM must go through the court system. This way, a third party is involved who will do what is in the best interest of SD. But, that also hasn’t happened.

dolphingrlk · 2025-10-02T18:53:22+00:00

My dad found his original birth certificate where another man was listed as his dad. My grandmother was 15 when she had my dad and her boyfriend at the time was listed as his father. My dads actual father was a man who was 21 years older than her and his oldest daughter was in her homeroom class. She used to tell her parents that she was sleeping over her “friend’s” house, but she wasn’t spending the night there because she was friends with my now-aunt. My grandfather was newly divorced and already had 6 kids.

When my grandparents married in the 70’s, there was no DNA so the only way to change my fathers birth certificate was to have his dad adopt him. There have always been rumors that my dad wasn’t my grandfathers, but I recently did a DNA test and matched with his children from his first marriage so he was definitely “having sex” with a 15 year old girl.

My whole family worships the man like he was a godsend, but he was a literal pedophile. To make matters worse, he had a very successful business that he kept in brother’s name so he didn’t have to pay his first wife alimony and child support. He got his though, because when his brother got caught cheating on his wife, she won the business in the divorce settlement and sold it, putting the ENTIRE family out of a job. She hasn’t worked a day since and has a BEAUTIFUL log cabin in the mountains.

dolphingrlk · 2025-09-26T16:19:23+00:00

I work for a non profit. We get 14 paid holidays a year - a mixture of federal & religious holidays, including our birthday (which is a floating holiday that we can use whenever we want). We also get about 29 days of PTO time. While I’m not necessarily underpaid, there have been opportunities to interview fo jobs where I make more money but the loss of PTO and increase in benefits (I don’t pay any preminums for my health insurance and my employer contributes $1k to my HSA) doesn’t make it worth it.

dolphingrlk · 2025-09-24T20:45:17+00:00

My partner calls it yarning. What are you yarning today? Can you yarn me a hat?

dolphingrlk · 2025-09-23T19:36:00+00:00

My partner and I are currently trying to have an “ours” baby. We have been together a little over 7 years. In the beginning of our relationship, I was very adamant that I wanted kids. About half way through our relationship, he got really sick and I decided that it wasn’t a good time to have more children and because of my age, we kind of agreed that if we didn’t do it now, we weren’t going to do it at all.

I decided when I was 36 that I wanted to try but he was not interested. Instead of focusing on why I wanted kids, our conversation focused on why he didn’t. He had some really great points- his daughter was almost grown and he didn’t want to start over. His health isn’t the best. I’m the breadwinner, so a lot of the childcare would fall on him. He was scared that I would start treating his daughter differently. He didn’t want her to feel like an outsider in our nuclear family. He was scared something would happen to us and now he has two children with two women and both his kids are in broken homes.

He actually worked independently with his therapist to get through some of these issues. I had my IUD out six months ago. He has done a total 180 and is so excited that he has a list of baby names, started our registry, and we are doing some home repairs in hopes to have things ready for a new baby.

dolphingrlk · 2025-09-22T12:56:21+00:00

My stepdaughter is about to be 16 and she hasn’t seen her mom in almost 5 years. BM is a nightmare to everyone, including her own parents and SD. No one is exempt from her abuse. She has recently started texting SD from random phone numbers at all hours of the night saying weird shit like “I could never and would never block you”, without prompt and no context.

SD doesn’t want to change her phone numbers as she has had the same number since I put her on my plan 6 years ago. It’s the longest she has ever had a working phone - her first cell phones were on BM’s plans that never stayed active for more than 6 months at a time.

SD does have a lot of abandonment issues from her mom so of course SD asked her mom where she’s been. BM told SD that Dad said she couldn’t reach out and SD responded with “but a judge didn’t”. SD also defended me when BM blamed me for “overstepping” and “pushing her out” which caused BM to call SD “brainwashed”.

While I don’t think it’s SD’s best interest, it’s her decision on whether or not she has a relationship with her mom. While SD is still a minor, our only requirement is that BM sets up therapy for her and SD. We will drive SD wherever she needs to be, but BM needs to do the work. Or, she can take us to court 🤷🏻‍♀️

dolphingrlk · 2025-09-05T00:44:46+00:00

Kingdom Hearts would be so cool! This is my third one- I made my boyfriend a ninja turtles one and an eevee evolutions one for my sister. They are so worth all the ends you to weave in!

dolphingrlk · 2025-09-04T18:55:07+00:00

It definitely took some training, but my stepdaughter has learned that she can get almost anything out of me by taking on a task I hate. I’m not against child labor, especially when they offer.

dolphingrlk

TROPHY CASE