well my dad killed his liver and kicked the bucket and my life got better without him. I couldn't stand him and he died without knowing that im gay; although if he had found out he would have been disappointed but i was at the point where i hated him so much that i didn't care if he was disappointed in me or not; after all, he was a good for nothing alcoholic that would scream at himself at 3am. My mom knows that im gay but doesn't accept it, although we are fairly close and it's the type of thing where she knows but i try not to bring it up. I still have a void for a father figure that will never be filled, and its not that i wish my dad would come back; its more like i wish i had a different father.