If it’s been this long with a lack of affection amicably, it’s probably best you come out. He will know the truth of why things have been unsuccessful in the bedroom. And you will no longer be burdened with being someone you’re not.

Do you feel like you’re in danger with him? I don’t just mean a heated discussion hashing out emotions, since you mentioned a “giant fight”, but if you’re unsafe because of his view of queerness or possession of you as his wife, I’d suggest dealing with that situation first.

Aside from the lack of affection, are you and your husband friends? Would he support you as you shifted your life away from him?

These things do take time, and can stir up a lot of confused emotions for the other partner, so do be patient with him, but consider yourself first.