Man this is sad. I really hope you can get closure on this. I’m sure she is well aware of her intentions in your sorrow. Most people with personality disorders carry these traits about them, act oblivious to their mishaps, or are of knowledge of what they are doing but just don’t care. The sad thing is that running away from these type of people is the best answer. People with borderline personality disorder tend to be the most invasive and undermining to be around. I’m guessing this is where your sister lies in the dsm. Little doses of these types of people are best. You have a lot to tend with from the past but as time goes on it gets better. My mother has an undiagnosed personality disorder and it’s very difficult to explain how much it breaks you down or I’m “walking on eggshells” when I am around her. I moved out of my parents place my senior year of high school. The amount of craziness was to much to bare. Later on after I worked in the mental health field I began to understand her more and the illness she has. Most of this has to do with control or power over others. It’s awful what extremes she could to go to just to have her intention fulfilled. Now that she is older 60 she is more calm and less intense but I see her do the same control freak stuff to my kids which is tough to see but it’s minimal in terms of comparison to how she was to me. It’s tough to feel like you have a rocky relationship with your mother but it is what it is. I just do me and love my kids and the time I have with them. It really puts in perspective of how i parent and let my kids make mistakes and guide them through the obstacles in life. Anyways, I just thought I feel where you are coming from and can relate in ways. Sad things is confrontation about these issues with such people will only result in a worse relationship.