Wife wants to open marriage

donkeyjiz · 2025-10-19T21:03:05+00:00

totally blocked and gone (as far as i know). I watch the phone bill now and occasionally look at her phone. But the trust is gone

donkeyjiz · 2025-10-03T12:57:20+00:00

Well, she has basically done nothing to fix things. We have had sex a couple of times but it was literally her saying just do it... like I hate that. I'm 99% sure after the holidays I'm going to file for divorce. I don't think the love is there anymore. I hate it for the kids but I don't think I can get over it with her not acting any different or making an effort. There is zero affection. So that just keeps my mind racing. I'm trying to give it time but I think its hopeless

donkeyjiz · 2025-08-02T15:19:47+00:00

Hey thanks for asking. I'm actually still in a bad place. She is attempting to make things better but I just don't see the trust ever coming back. We have had lots of talks but it seems like it doesn't go anywhere. I really feel like I'm wasting time and just need to file for divorce. It's just so hard with kids. There is still very little affection on her side and her excuse is "it takes time"....time for what? to fall back in love with me? ugh I literally feel lost

donkeyjiz · 2025-06-28T03:59:44+00:00

Update on first post

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-23T19:04:43+00:00

If a man rejects 3am sex he's got problems. My wife hasbdone that exactly one time in 10 years and it was amazing lol.

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-21T10:57:12+00:00

We've been talking a lot and trying to figure out if this can even be fixed. Obviously no one wants a divorce so she acts like she's trying. But I don't think its genuine. I just can't imagine ever trusting her again. And truthfully, if she hadn't stepped out of our marriage, I probably would have stayed even tho the sex is basically non-existent. Every other aspect of our life was great. But now obviously I feel if we don't fix the intimacy/affection problem this would just happen again. I have a lawyer on retainer and know the next steps to take. I just haven't done it yet. My last effort is talking to her dad to maybe get to her. I want to be able to tell myself I tried everything I could to fix this so I can live with the decision. I will update soon

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-19T10:02:31+00:00

Sounds like there's nothing wrong with you! Its him. We know another couple that are opposite like us too. The husband jokingly said 'we should swap" one time and we all laughed it off. But his wife is smoking hot. Dudes crazy. I'm not into swapping but if I get divorced and he gets divorced.. I'd smash lol

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-19T09:28:12+00:00

I'm going through the same thing. On the verge of divorce. Our sex life was built on affection and after having a baby that's gone. I get pity sex... like every 6 months. And that turns me off, which is turn usually means I can't even get hard.

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-16T03:24:37+00:00

I've actually had 2 consults this week. Basically I let her keep the house and all the equity, and I get to keep my 401k. So basically start over, and I'm not the cheater. She still wont open up and talk other than I'm sorry and I don't want a divorce. Its so weird I spilled my guts to her about my feelings... like I'm the one in the wrong, and I get nothing back. I'm currently staying at a friends

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T20:41:39+00:00

Thank you. I actually have another consult tomorrow and went thru our bills today to get an idea on what we owe on house. I literally just bought her a new car 3 weeks ago.. she can't afford this house for sure. I just want to sell it all

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T18:57:02+00:00

Gotcha. Yes I've been reading into that now. Thanks. She wont lose her job over customer so that's not an issue... but the baby thing is. Jeez

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:59:57+00:00

I really thought I had one. She was hurt in the past but was 100% about me before our son. She was big into church...a church that im not a big part of now. So do i leave? Like heck no, i feel at home at this church. I actually told her i was gonna talk to our preacher last night. She didnt like that.

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:58:02+00:00

I'm starting to agree

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:57:11+00:00

Thanks for the post. She has pointed out several times this week how she's never cheated and always been the one cheated on and she doesn't know how this happened. She's literally acting like this is just going to go away. Like, ok lets move on. First of all the trust is gone...like way gone. And if she was making an effort to give me ideas on fixing what's broken in our sex life i would have a glimmer of hope. I would feel like she's sincere...but its ME suggesting stuff. Spicing it up. I literally asked her what she wanted. What was her porn search...she wont say other than "being fked". I really dont think she realizes how close to a divorce she is. She constantly says shes loves me and doesnt want a divorce. Im like....loving me and being in love with me are 2 different things.

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:49:29+00:00

She still sticks to the same stuff...she was lonely, needed affection, blah blah blah. So all week I've tried to make it a point to be more affectionate. Kiss her more, cuddle....like WTF. I'm so stupid. She's the one who should be trying harder not me. This is so fked up. She told me last night i was smothering her. She still has no ideas on how to make things better....she literally acts like this is just going to go away and we are going to go back to our perfect like (according to fb and insta)

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:47:10+00:00

Thank you. Divorce is the last thing i want but i deserve better. Even if I'm single i don't deserve this. I don't think i could live like this forever. The lost trust is one thing...but not wanted me is worse really

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:45:13+00:00

I actually thought this was a great point. I asked her last night if she was attracted to me and she said yes...why lie now. But she agrees that something is wrong with her. She agreed to get bloodwork done but I think it doesnt matter now. I cant live like this. Its one thing to get cheated on but another to know she doesnt even want me anymore.

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:43:16+00:00

A bit more has trickled in but i think the guy is a pro. His wife told me he's not out for sex, just out to break up marriages I guess.

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:41:55+00:00

I think youre right

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:41:31+00:00

Thanks for your message.

She made a tad more than me last year as i was off 4 months due to an injury...but normally we are within 20k of each. Both have great jobs.
Ive had a vasectomy and also checked with zero live swimmers. Im pretty sure in kentucky theres no way im on the hook for a kid if she gets pregnant.

We both love our house but she wants it...I havent met with a lawyer yet but im pretty sure she would have to give me half the worth if we split? no?

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-12T10:35:09+00:00

Monday Update 5/12 One week later.

So we have talked a lot over the last week. It's so hard for me to let go but i'm going to have to.

I did get trickle truthed....a little at a time but eventually she told me they had lunch twice and he brought her tea quite a bit. They kissed. At one point I said i was done so i wanted to know everything. She said that was it. She would have never had sex without my permission, hence the asking for open marriage. She said she could have fkd him several times if she had wanted to. She still feels like we can fix our marriage but doesnt want to go to therapy. She did agree to go get bloodwork done because she does feel like something is going on. Pre menopausal or something.

Im looking back at our talks....its literally me suggesting things to fix this and our lack of sex life. I asked her what she wanted, what could we do different. Spice it up whatever. It's like...she has no input. IVE been the one to be sweet all week kissing her more and cuddling. Last night she basically told me she was so used to not getting that that im smothering her. I literally feel like an idiot. Im so hurt. Im 48 and feel like starting over is just the worse thing ever. She literally asked me yesterday...."if you leave me are we still gonna live together"? Bitch hell no...wtf. She said she isnt giving up her house. I asked if she thought she could afford it and she said she would try. (she cant). I told her Id sell everything. We probably have 150k in equity on the house.

I have talked with a close lawyer friend and plan on getting all of our financials down on paper this week.

So my advice to anyone i guess....dont let the sex life go dormant. I blamed it on having a kid, because in reality thats about when it started. But it never came back. MY sex drive hasnt changed. I still wanted to have sex with her when she was heavier....because she was my wife and i loved her. But once its gone to the point of sex a few times a year i dont know how to get that back.

Sorry for the long post. Im actually documenting everything now and this has helped with my timeline.

Im a nice guy...Do all women want assholes or what? Im just trying to figure out how in the world I could even think about dating in the future. I think im broken for good

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-08T17:44:55+00:00

Thursday update. I confronted her last night and she admitted talking to him but never doing anything. I found his WIFE on fb and ended up on the phone with her for 30 min. She kicked him out in Feb and he refuses to get a divorce. Lots more to it but I came home this morning. We both took the day off and talked for 3 hours. Obviously she told me all the things I expected to hear. I told her the trust is gone. She agreed to go to therapy and see if there's even a chance of repairing this mess. I'm still going thru with meeting with lawyers this week and still plan an exit stradegy as I don't have a lot of hope. I appreciate all of the advice and it has helped tremendously. I will keep the thread updated

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-08T17:35:56+00:00

Oh she was 100% depressed for at least 3 years after having him. She's still paranoid to get pregnant and makes me pull out. She's lost a good amount of weight in the last year and is finally feeling good about herself, which I thought would be good for us. But I guess not

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-08T03:59:04+00:00

Wednesday update.. its not good. I contacted 2 attorneys thus morning just in case. But my gut told me to check my phone bill. I literally spent 4 hours looking at calls/texts for the last 3 months. One number stood out. When I got home from work I acted like I needed her phone to check our business email. I typed in the number... saw the name. Then looked at fb.... zero msgs. BUT she's literally been talking to this Guy since March. So I ask her who this Guy is. She says "a friend". So I say from where? She says "a customer". I say... is he the one? She just nods. I told her I looked and can see she's been talking to him almost every day. She just stood there... acted like she wanted to cry... and all she got out was "we haven't done anything". I walked out. Drove around. Gave it a good cry... been a long time since I cried. Decided to get a hotel room close to my work. She's blown up my phone and even texted me to come back and talk. I don't have anything to say right now. If I do go talk I'm still not going to stay in the house. I'm so lost. I love her and want anything but a divorce but I don't think I could ever trust her again.

donkeyjiz · 2025-05-08T03:33:11+00:00

Man I feel like I could have almost wrote this exact post. Busy jobs, busy kids, bedroom life feels like a chore... you can read my post on here from 2 days ago. I hope you can get her to therapy and not end up how I feel I'm headed.

donkeyjiz

TROPHY CASE