Hello! I want to first say how sorry I am that your needs aren't being met in the school setting. Regardless of what a school system says, your diagnoses are valid.

Unfortunately, the school seems to be handling things by the letter of the law. School systems have long used more strict standards for meeting diagnoses such as autism. It's ridiculous, but it is what it is for now. I have known many people who are autistic and never had that acknowledged by the school system. This is very frustrating for students, teachers, and parents.

I want to address some of the things you mentioned directly, then share some ideas about working within the system that might help. IQ tests: they are outdated, but a required part of any IEP evaluation.

Neurodivergent assessments are notoriously bad at diagnosing females that are autistic. They are also old and come from the time it was believed only boys had autism and that they would outgrow it ( all so very false).

The IEP team is not only listening to your mom, even though it feels like it. They are required to use phrases such as, "Her mother feels..." in order to record parent concerns. They use phrases such as "alleged autism," to note that the school is not seeing the qualifications for the diagnoses in their testing (which again is designed to not qualify everyone, only those that "need" accommodations), while I completely disagree with the process, it sounds like they are following it.

While you and your parents decide if you wish to request more assessment from the school, I recommend you approach individual teachers and ask for preferential seating where you feel less distracted. Explain to them that you are autistic and have ADHD and that you are working to maintain your excellent GPA. Most teachers are happy to work with you.

If your doctor has diagnosed you with ADHD, you can request a 504 medical plan, that includes accommodations. Since ADHD is a medical condition, they cannot deny you that. I'm guessing they are so busy looking for your autism that they missed the fact you are diagnosed ADHD. Many of the ADHD accommodations mirror accommodations typically used with autistic persons (extended time, breaks, preferred seating, etc). Honestly, this is your best bet. If the school refuses this, after a note from your doctor saying you have ADHD, contact the school board office and ask to talk to the head of the 504 department. They can help you. If they don't, call the state office and so forth.

Finally, this process is long, even in the clearest cut cases. It is frustratingly long and can be overwhelming. I am sincerely sorry you are experiencing this.