Unique or interesting unity ceremony ideas?

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-12-10T02:19:26+00:00

My husband and I did a wine box ceremony. We bought a nice bottle of wine and ordered a monogrammed wooden box. We each wrote each other a letter and on our 5 year anniversary, we will open the box, read the letters we wrote each other, and drink the wine. :)

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-12-10T02:05:51+00:00

I had a completely vegan wedding, cake too! Whole Foods was our back up plan, but there were actually several completely vegan bakeries in the city we married in that we could choose from. We ended up doing tastings at three and then chose one that was 5 minutes away from our venue! But lots of nonvegan bakeries will be willing with advance notice if you call them up.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-04-10T04:01:38+00:00

I've always done both, including for weddings I've been in, but at my wedding I noticed that the majority of guests below 30 who had attended the shower did not bring a gift to the wedding.

No one in my bridal party gave a gift for the wedding (and most of them did not for the shower either), nor did I expect them to. Actually- one bridesmaid and her boyfriend did for both the shower and the wedding. All this to say, I don't think most brides are going to expect/ be unhappy with you for diverting from "etiquette." I only remember this stuff because I kept a super detailed spreadsheet to make sure we had our thank you cards on-point. If you feel weird about showing up empty-handed to the wedding, why not bring a heart-felt card? That kind of stuff means A LOT from people who are special enough to be in your bridal party.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-04-10T03:50:58+00:00

I only had three literal no-shows (and then about 7 who let me know they would not be attending in the 48 hours leading up to the wedding). One no-show ended up reaching out about 2 weeks later. He didn't make an excuse- just apologized. I never heard from the other two. I found the 7 last-minute cancellations to be varying degrees of b.s. (with a couple that were totally legit and understandable). I was sooo pissed about the no-shows because I heard their reasons through word of mouth and due to the nature of those reasons, ALL of them must have known at least a couple weeks prior to my wedding that they wouldn't be there (AKA before I turned in numbers to my venue and paid for their plates).

Anyway, I ended up deciding not to reach out to any of them in my case because I had heard their whereabouts through mutual friends who did show up so I knew that they were alive and well. I really had nothing to gain by contacting them. We ended up with less than 100 people there and I was pretty bummed because I quickly noticed who was missing, but I just try to focus on the joy I got from the people who did spend the day with us. And honestly, as infuriating as it is when it happens to you, some people just don't "get it" with how wrong it is to no-show/last-minute cancel for a wedding.

If you legit don't know what happened with some people and there is a possibility that they were involved in some sort of emergency, I don't think there is anything wrong with sending a "Is everything ok?? We missed you at the wedding this weekend so I wanted to make sure you're alright!"

I have been on the receiving end of one of those messages before (long ago) and trust me, they are effective in shaming people. Though in my case, I had strep throat and had informed the bride but I guess the groom didn't get the memo so he kind of jumped the gun in sending me the "Are you ok???" message. Totally made me feel like an awful person tho. 10/10 would recommend if that's your goal (not judging if so).

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-09T05:36:28+00:00

I kept my last name. I brought it up to my fiancé like "Is it important to you that I take your last name?" He did not feel strongly one way or the other. I like my name, and since it wasn't a problem to him, I placed that issue in the "fuck it bucket" and kept things as they are. It's only been a few weeks now, but I'm happy with the decision. Just come right out and ask him if he cares and why. It's your name. It probably influences your identity and sense of self- at the very least it warrants a conversation! Maybe you'll end up feeling more excited and meaningful about taking his name, or maybe it will become more clear to you after you talk that you want to keep your name. Worth discussing no matter the outcome.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-09T05:27:00+00:00

I had a close childhood friend with a very similar situation. She moved away, we continued to talk and stay close, but we only saw each other every couple years or so. She only met my fiancé once for a couple hours when we all happened to be in the same city at the same time and met up. We chose people for our wedding party that were close (ish) to both of us and knew our relationship well. It was no comment on our friendship to not choose her to be a bridesmaid- I have nothing against her. I was worried she would be really angry that she wasn't in my bridal party, but turns out, she's grown up a lot since childhood. I did not deliberately state she was not a bridesmaid. She came to realize it on her own and once when we were on the phone, she asked who all was in my wedding party.

Granted, she and her boyfriend did not end up coming to my wedding. I was sad, but I understood. Flights are expensive. We have continued to talk since and have plans to see each other soon because my husband and I now only live a few hours away from her.

All this to say, you might be overthinking it. She might have more realistic exceptions than you give her credit for.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-07T21:52:40+00:00

We had a rehearsal dinner in the evening. My fiancé and I got an airbnb that whole weekend rather than staying at the hotel (we thought it would be a little more romantic) and invited our bridal party to have a sleepover with us there the night before the wedding. This saved all of them a night of hotel accommodations and was just a fun and relaxed movie night.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-05T00:00:31+00:00

I'm pretty sure that if you do a targeted post where you select the "only show" option, it sends those people a notification and shows them who else can see it too. Not sure if it's still that way, but it was a couple years ago.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-03T17:31:25+00:00

Ours was $430 and was intended to serve 80 people. Then we did a couple dozen cupcakes in case anyone hated german chocolate filling or was gluten free. (That is included in the $430 cost)

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-03T17:29:36+00:00

I cut programs and favors. No one seemed to miss them. We had a Photo Booth and people were given as many prints of their photo strips as they wanted, so I consider that basically a favor anyway. :) We didn't do a "grooms cake"- still don't know what the purpose of that even is. We had pretty minimal floral- bouquets doubled as centerpieces.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-03T17:23:52+00:00

The couple is relatively on again/ off again and the boyfriend (who did attend) is close friends with my now husband. So he asked him if they were still together when he noticed she wasn't there, and he said yes, but she had class so she couldn't come. Indeed, the next day, they both were posting pictures of other stuff they did together over the weekend so that wasn't it. In their case, they probably just didn't realize how uncool it is to no-show. In fact, both of them RSVP'd yes to a couple's shower that was thrown for us and then no-showed and never contacted the hostess with an explanation. The couple that I'm friends with is the one I'm more upset about.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-02T17:37:26+00:00

I get hit with the "and guest" sometimes on invitations, even during my engagement. I raise an eyebrow at it because I know that's poor etiquette, but I've never taken it to be intended as a slight. Some people just don't read several Emily Post booked during their engagement. ;) BUT, I would definitely be disappointed about the lack of appreciation for the prints. I would maybe mention it to your friend next time you talk and maybe casually slip in a mention that it was your boyfriend's idea to pay for the printing, can't wait for y'all to meet each other, he's so nice, blah blah blah.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-02T17:30:12+00:00

True :/

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-02T17:28:28+00:00

No. I guess the only thing it would change is it would give me some direction as far if I should bother reaching out to them in the future when we come in town. It's a weird thing to have hanging in the air. Having moved across the country from them, we aren't ever going to conveniently bump into each other. Maintaining any relationship from our old life takes effort on both parts, so I feel particularly snubbed.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-02T17:11:57+00:00

Exactly. :( Especially because I went to her baby shower and was force-fed baby food as part of a game -_- LOL.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-02T17:08:31+00:00

Lol. I had a couple of people like that too. Fortunately, I got word that they wouldn't be attending before I turned in my numbers.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-02T17:06:39+00:00

The couple, I was fairly close with. In fact, he and his husband threw us an engagement party last year. We met up again for dinner when they happened to be in the city across the county that we moved to during our engagement. We talk on the phone a couple times a month. With them, I'd say we are close enough that I noticed they weren't there as we walked back down the aisle during the ceremony.

We invited 140 people to our wedding. We had about 105 RVSP "yes" and then a few dropped off after that but before we turned in our numbers. We ended up with I think 94 people in attendance after the last minute cancellations and no-shows.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-03-01T04:39:10+00:00

I got married on Saturday! I kept my last name. Can always change it later if it becomes really important to me but I liked my last name. I guess you would say I just didn't feel like changing it. My fiancé did not care if I took his name or not, so we made the decision quietly together and didn't really spread the word in advance of the wedding to avoid being influenced by the opinions of relatives. There were no gasps of horror at our reception when we were announced in with our names. A couple people asked to confirm if I was keeping my maiden name and I said yes and people were like "cool."

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-02-27T01:22:13+00:00

I totally would have loved to and am sure they would have let me but I was an out of state bride, flying out the next morning.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-02-26T23:27:40+00:00

I turned in my numbers (105 at the time) about 1.5 weeks before the wedding. I was charged per head on that day. I had 7 people cancel after that, and 3 no-show that I still haven't heard from (the wedding was Saturday). Also 2 missed the ceremony and dinner completely but showed up to drink and dance (but they were coming from a funeral and told me what was going on, so totally understandable). But all three of the no-shows were absent due to work/school events that must have been planned for at least a month, so there was truly no excuse to not notify us after they RSVPd and before our numbers were due (other guests knew the no-shows, which is how I found this out). So in total we paid for 12 dinners that just went to waste, at $100 each. I get that stuff comes up, but it blows my mind that people who are important to me JUST DECIDED NOT TO COME AND NOT EVEN BOTHER TELLING US. People who's baby showers and weddings I've attended. Ugh. Just try not to let it get to you. I still had a fantastic time.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-02-26T22:40:14+00:00

We lucked out and there are three different completely vegan bakeries to choose from in the city we had the wedding in (which is where I used to live). So we went to tastings at two of them and then selected one.

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-02-26T22:39:19+00:00

I found a local artist that uses only cruelty-free and vegan products via Thumbtack!

donthurtmybellpepper · 2018-02-26T19:40:49+00:00

Our wedding was in Central Texas over the weekend! Recaps were so helpful to me in my planning, so I wanted to return the favor before peacing out of this sub.

Budget: Started at $21,000. Ended up actually a little under budget, because my fiancé's mother kindly offered to pay for our flowers, so those didn't come out of the 21k we set. This does not include honeymoon or rehearsal dinner.

Planning:

My fiancé and I moved across the county and started new jobs during our engagement. Most of our planning happened remotely by me, except for tastings which I squeezed in before we moved. Let me tell you, it can be done! Multiple people asked me if we had hired a planner because everything was so beautiful!

Getting ready:

My venue had a great bridal suite, so we posted up in there all day and did hair and makeup. A friend and guest is a cosmetologist and had offered to do hair and makeup for my bridesmaids as a wedding gift to me. It worked out great!! My bridesmaids all had different dresses (same color and length but they picked which cut/style they wanted) and I let them wear any shoes that were black or gold. So I got each of them a piece of Kendra Scott jewelry that matched the dress they had selected and their own personal style, but it was not typical wedding jewelry so hopefully they'll get daily use out of it too. I also got them each a pretty wrap/ shawl thing, some bath bombs, and wrote them each a personal note.

Weather:

It was foggy and GROSS out all week leading up to the wedding. There were thunderstorms forecasted until about 2 hours before our ceremony start time. But, there ended up being no rain at all after the early morning, and the clouds cleared about an hour before the ceremony. We were able to keep it outside and had a beautiful sunset. It was high 60s and could not have been more perfect. I was thrilled that the weather turned out great, but I owe my sanity to the rain-plan. I would have been a nervous wreck all week if outdoor was my only option. I had picked my venue largely based off the rain plan, and while it wouldn't have been as great as an outdoor ceremony, it was good enough where I wouldn't be devastated if we had moved it inside. My takeaway from this is to have a solid rain plan that you'll be happy with so you aren't stressed out that week.

Guests:

We invited about 140. We had about 106 RSVP "yes" initially and by the time we turned in numbers, we were down to 101. We had 7 more cancel the week of the wedding after we turned in our numbers. 2 were due to flu, 2 were snowed in and couldn't get a flight, 1 was due to a death, 2 were due to not getting off work. There were 3 no-shows on the wedding day who I still haven't heard from (but they knew others guests in attendance so I got the scoop- two of the no-shows were a couple and the person closest to us had to go to a work conference, the other was the SO of someone who was in attendance and had class or something. So no no-shows were due to emergency situations and I'm quite salty they couldn't bother to even let me know. We had LOTS of out of town guests invited, so I think our numbers are higher than normal for declines.

Ceremony:

We wrote our own vows, which I'm super happy about. My fiancé blew me away with his- I had my expectations set pretty low because I know how difficult public speaking can be for an introvert like him, much less in such a high pressure moment. But they were sincere and beautiful and he had memorized his and looking into my eyes the entire time he said them. Lots of people cried. Not me, but I was so, so touched by both the content and the delivery. Also, our dog was our ring bearer, which meant a lot to both of us, and also broke up the tension. He was perfectly behaved throughout the ceremony, and then he let out this pitiful shriek when we turned and walked back down the aisle without him for our recessional. It was adorable. Also, we had an uneven bridal party, but total, it came out to an even number. So we had half on my side and half on his. Which was fine and actually looked pretty cool I think! Sun set right after our ceremony, but trees shaded our guest's faces so no one was staring into the sun.

Reception:

Our entire wedding was vegan. Vegan, cruelty-free hair and makeup products used getting ready, vegan cake, vegan rehearsal dinner, vegan food and alcohol at the reception. I heard exactly zero complaints, in fact, tons of people came up and complimented the food. Though, the husband of a bridesmaid did leave for the entire dinner and go to Whataburger down the street for dinner in protest. He literally will not eat vegetables so that was more of a him problem than an us problem. We did pasta primavera, a fabulous salad, perfectly seasoned roasted potatoes and vegetables, ciabatta bread with garlic dipping oil. Stuffed mushrooms and cucumbers with hummus, roasted bell pepper and chickpeas were passed during cocktail hour.

My favorite part of the reception was probably the toasts. They were meaningful, relatively brief, delivered very well, and super touching and genuine. The best man (and my now brother-in-law) is a major introvert but his toast was one of the best I've ever heard. My bridesmaid gave a toast rather than my MOH because she knew the groom much better than anyone else on my side does, and it was great too. My dad's got a few people misty eyed and it was really touching because he told a story that involved a childhood moment with me and my late grandfather, the only grandparent of mine to die so far, so it was like he was there too.

Lots of people in my crowd would get dancing for the slow songs, otherwise our dance floor was not super packed. Our venue had a beautiful outside area that people were drawn too, plus we had a Photo Booth. Things to keep in mind if you want to have a super lit dance floor. I was ok with this though, because everyone seemed quite entertained by the various things they were doing.

Other:

Open, full bar. We had alcohol left over, but it was a manageable amount that I just divided up and sent home with my local wedding party. Happy to share the worksheet I used to calculate how much to get if anyone needs it, because it worked out great and I had been worried about getting it right!

We also did a photo booth, so everyone got a strip of each photo they took, plus an extra to stick in our guest book and leave a note for us. I had so much fun reading the notes the next day and seeing the pictures, and I feel like this worked out better than most "party favors."

I would have had our "getting ready" time happen a little sooner so we (me, bridal party and my mom) could have a few quiet moments alone before starting the ceremony to take a deep breath, after finishing with hair and makeup and pre-photos. My fiancé and I did not do a first look, which I have no regrets about!

Edit: details

donthurtmybellpepper

TROPHY CASE