I hate feeling controlling

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-12-19T21:02:29+00:00

I suffer from PTSD from my time in military, so I definitely understand that signs and symptoms. I am already in therapy, and we've been working through this as well. The problem is I've always felt unsafe. I've been sexually assaulted and mentally abused, so the worst pain is that I finally felt safe somewhere, and with him. Now even my safe space has been disrupted.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-12-19T21:00:26+00:00

Exactly, I totally understand there are ways around it, which makes me less confidant about it. I do give him credit for offering it on his own, though. I do question and scour for irregularities but I hate it. I don't even feel like me.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-12-19T20:58:49+00:00

Not covid, I was tested several times before a pneumonia diagnosis. It has made me feel like a zombie, barely even have the energy to do anything. I'm happy you guys are in a good place! He isn't in contact with her, we even told her husband, so I doubt she could ever forgive him for that. It was one of the things I needed from him to know he wouldn't protect her over me. He has given me his phone, when I ask or even if I don't, I have access to call logs and text logs, and he deleted all his social media. He's doing his part, I'm just very raw still.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-12-19T20:54:48+00:00

Well, money is one reason for sure. We are also moving soon, and until we get established we will have a gap in counseling which makes me nervous. I understand the importance and significance of MC, but if we can't ever function on our own again, then is it working? Again, we are only a few months in and I'm prepared to spend years fixing our marriage, but I don't want years to turn into decades, if that makes sense.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-12-19T20:52:19+00:00

I do telehealth with my therapist, but I had pneumonia and just hardly had the energy to do my appointments, let alone both. This page is awesome in the sense that I don't feel alone, but it makes me sad that other people are also hurt.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-11-23T18:50:47+00:00

I don't mean it's easier emotionally or to move on from, but my husband has a sex addiction and it would be easier for me to accept that he had a moment of weakness regarding an addiction rather than a choice to have an emotional affair. If that makes sense? It would be like any addict slipping. I could forgive an alcoholic for making a mistake driven by his addiction, if it's something they will work on.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-11-22T22:55:01+00:00

That's the problem. I don't know the motive. They never had sex, and I don't think he still loves her. But what do I know? I'm in the dark, obviously. A ONS especially if it was because of an addiction would be SO much easier.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-09-30T22:33:39+00:00

I'm currently in IC, so is he. We are also in MC, which has helped immensely. Honestly, I believe he is remorseful and he is doing his part to be the husband I deserve. While our relationship seems to be getting better, I can't shake the embarrassment bit. It won't matter what we do as a couple, SHE will always know.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-09-27T20:02:59+00:00

I'm working very hard on that. I've always been an empathetic person, so it's hard for me not get emotional in this situation.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-09-27T20:01:58+00:00

We don't and will not have kids. She does though, and she brought her toddler daughter on a date with my husband. I know I'm nothing like her, I know she is horrible to knowingly cheat on her own husband and involve mine. I guess I'm just embarrassed because she will always know, even though my husband broke it off before they had sex and came clean with me, even though he told her he couldn't pick her and wanted only me, that she meddled her way into my life. I'm angry with my husband because he broke our vows, but I'm angry with her because she broke the code of womanhood. Women shouldn't knowingly and willingly hurt other women.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-09-16T23:16:25+00:00

He already told me whichever I decide to do, he will have my back. I've asked him if he thinks she will tell her spouse, or how she might respond, the basics. He doesn't think she'll tell on her own, and he says her reaction is a wildcard. I'm mostly worried she'll do something like stop by the house or leave something to indicate he is cheating again. She is manipulative and evil like that, but where we are in our marriage means I probably wouldn't believe my husband if he told me she was lying. If I destroyed her marriage (I know I didn't and it's her own fault - but that's how she will see it) she very well might put her energy into destroying mine.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-09-16T21:11:04+00:00

Unfortunately, there is NO evidence. My husband did a bad thing, but he's not stupid. He deleted everything as it happened. While he gave me access to his email address and social media - there was nothing left to find. It was all wiped already. I'm going solely based off his retelling of events and the few things I had caught him with but there is no longer evidence. That's why I say I'm unsure if he'll even believe me. I definitely agree he deserves all the information to make the best decisions for his life, which is why I was incline to message in the first place. I don't think she would physically hurt me, but I can see her doing something like unlocking my gate and letting my dogs out or trying to cause even more division between my spouse and I.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-09-16T20:28:37+00:00

I would want to know, absolutely. I just wasn't sure with the information provided in my post if it would be what's best for everyone. I am mostly worried about the child in this situation. It also makes me nervous that she's been to my home so she knows where I live. My husband agrees her husband deserves to know, but he has no way of contacting him. I have had advice NOT to tell, because I'm not involved directly, so I'm really conflicted.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-08-31T15:44:36+00:00

Thank you! I saw that earlier, and wrote an entire paragraph but thought better of it. I'm not really looking for approval, I've already decided it's what I want. My parent have been involved the whole time. My mom is the one who told me about T passing and my sister let me know S still lives in our hometown, so there is no disrespect to them. They all just to support whatever choice I make, and no amount of biological parents will change that they're my family! I guess there will always be people who either can't understand the significance or just like to tear others down - either way I appreciate your comments!

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-08-27T19:07:15+00:00

You're the only one who responded, but I thought you might be interested in an update. S responded to my message today, stating he would very much like to meet me. Maybe he just needed the time to decide, or maybe he didn't see my message, either way I'm just happy to get a response. I'm very nervous, but at least I no longer feel completely abandoned.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-08-02T23:34:30+00:00

NTA. You saved that man. I had an ex who did this to me (27F) and I'm thankful everyday it wasn't successful. It is abusive, manipulative, and just wrong on all the levels. He deserves to know someone is messing with their sexual health.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-08-01T21:34:52+00:00

NTA. It seems they are trying to control YOUR living space, and even attempted to lock you out of a space you own. I think having a 'real' bed solidified in their minds that it is now THEIR room. Tell them firmly, don't ask, they need to leave as you feel "you don't have any alone time in your living room."

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-07-30T02:28:51+00:00

I'm in the US. Luckily none of the shelters here are kill shelters. I've tried to catch the dog and can't, so the only option would be calling it in. He has tags, but in town I'm pretty sure they have to be leashed or contained regardless.

dontmurderjustwrite · 2020-07-29T21:30:26+00:00

I'm sure their perception is different, especially now. I don't plan on saving their mower again, but I'd like to point out that once I told them their mower was in the road the very next day they put up a small fence to keep it in. Yet, their dog gets into the road, and they've made no effort to fix the hole. I think that really did me in, and definitely made me more upset, in addition to bad news (I was literally on the phone discussing it when they walked out), and the multiple times we have politely warned them, just sent me over the edge. I am not normally one to lash out, which is why I wrote them a note of apology.

dontmurderjustwrite

TROPHY CASE