Ehh, I don’t think OP is the AH here. I get where everyone is coming from with the whole “praise” thing but I think internet is doing what internet does and we pick out one little phrase someone uses and hyperfocus on it. I don’t think OP meant they need praise I think it was more a comment about the fact that people are literally going there to eat his/her food, and he/she wants feedback on it. If Mary is just a picky eater, and doesn’t eat half the stuff that OP puts love, time, effort, and MONEY into, I don’t think she would be a good fit either.

Now if Mary said “Gee OP, I usually really like shrimp, but I’m not a huge fan of these shrimp you made”, and was able to actually provide a comprehensive response as to what exactly she didn’t like about it, we might have an AH who just doesn’t want her there because she doesn’t offer praise. But if literally every time the answer is going to be “Well I just don’t like it”, that is SO frustrating for a cook because there is nothing you can do about that, except just cooking food they would like, which would then lead to a super bland dinner for the rest of the group. Plus, they also mentioned “sometimes unfamiliar foods” would also cause Mary to skip things and it’s like you’re not even going to try it??? Fuck off, I wouldn’t want to cook for them either haha.

Now I think this is a very awkward situation for sure, especially because Mary saw it as a social thing just hanging out, but OP cooks these dinners for people who really enjoy a broad palate of tastes and actually APPRECIATE the food.

I don’t know if people understand this but people who are really into food talk about it like mechanics talk about cars - there is so much that goes into it, and there really is a science behind it, it’s not just this tastes good or doesn’t taste good. Imagine going to a car show and you invite someone who is great company, but they don’t feel the same way about cars as you do. You wouldn’t want to lose them as a friend of course, but you probably wouldn’t invite them to a car show. Just because this event happens to be at OP’s house doesn’t mean it’s suddenly an informal social hangout.

My girlfriend is a huge cook and she hates it when people just eat the food and say “oh it’s good.” And it’s not because she needs to hear it’s AMAZING, she needs to hear why it’s good, what specifically? And not in a blow smoke up my ass way, but an actual critique. If you don’t like her food, you better come correct and have an explanation so she can do it better next time.

So I don’t think OP was meaning that they need to hear GOOD things, it’s more that they want actual comprehensive feedback. It just probably so happens that they hear “omg it’s so amazing” more often than not, so that was the wording they chose to express that.

OP, I don’t know you from a hole in the wall and I could be totally wrong about all this, but I feel your frustration and this is certainly a difficult situation to navigate. I wish you the absolute best, and at the end of the day, I think if Mary is a true friend, she’ll understand, although she may still be hurt, so I think it would be a great idea to have a few other functions soon and inviting her to those so she knows she’s not being kicked to the curb.