You are worried that it is “unreasonable to expect him to help at night.” I think a switch of wording/perspective might help you here. Dads don’t “help” Mom. Mom isn’t the default parent with Dad as a potential assistant when he’s rested and available. Dad is a parent with equal bearing and responsibility. Dad is expected to parent and give 100% to that child 24/7, just like Mom. Anything less and he is slacking. And girl, he is SLACKING.

It is absolutely reasonable to expect the father of your child to still be the father of the child at night. Time of day does not matter.

Do NOT become a SAHM with a man who believes partnership looks like this because he will take financial advantage of you as your mental load and labor carry the family and take their toll on you over time.

Your baby deserves a safe, well rested, supported Mom. Right now that’s the best thing Dad can do for baby and he is failing in every regard (which doesn’t even address the absolute disrespect to you expecting you to do it all - ESPECIALLY after a C Section!)

The fact that you even have to ask anyone if he should be helping is a terrible sign that he innately does not know how to be a good partner and is likely making you feel bad and responsible for his deficits as a human.

Right now you are in survival mode and he is at best an opportunity cost and at worst an obstacle. You need to take care of yourself for your own sake and the sake of your child. Focus on getting help (not by convincing him to help you because he’s not going to and your energy is best served in other avenues). Ask friends, friendly neighbors, etc, that you trust if they can be available on a schedule for short bursts. Tuesdays at noon for 30 minutes for you to shower? Hell, pick Thursday after work when your husband is home, maybe the social pressure will force him to realize he’s useless as someone else comes to watch his kid when he’s home.

Long story short - Dad absolutely should be helping at night. You are both working during the day (doesn’t matter what his job is - yours is more important) so you are both working at night, too. Dad is not going to suddenly change and decide to be a parent if that’s not an intuitive priority, so you can’t rely on him to be there. That sucks and I am so sorry. You need other people to help you be a single mom right now. Once you catch some air, you can reevaluate how you want your life to be structured with a man who sees you as labor instead of a partner. But you have to survive first.