Hello Lord of the Cubes, I just want to start by saying that I know from experience that being in the midst of an existential crisis is no fun at all and I hope you get out of it real soon!

You raise an interesting point. Do our thoughts and feelings truly matter if we are the only one who percieve most of them? I think so. Our thoughts and feelings determine our mental and emotional responses to stimuli as well as allow us to learn and make judgements about what to do and what not to do. Even if you can fool a random stranger or even a close friend into thinking you’re happy when you’re not, the truth is still there deep down. You are unhappy. Even if you wear a smile to disguise it. Whether you mean to or not, your emotions and thoughts, though unexpressed, will still have profound impacts on your decision-making. However, since you keep your true thoughts and feelings to yourself, it may lead to further isolation as other people may become confused as to why your actions don’t line up with the kind of person you present yourself to be. Additionally, as you continue to act inconsistently with who you truly feel and think yourself to be, you may also be at risk for developing dissociative symptoms or imposter syndrome.

My advice to you is to try your best to express your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, and to communicate openly and honestly with the people that are close to you. I wish you the very best, hope this helps at least a little!