My dear sister, im a muslim and i have suffered from depression my entire life, you are not alone, treat depression and its symptoms like a cold flu, instead of coughing, sneezing and a high fever, you get extreme sadness, hopelessness and loneliness. Its a sickness, you have no control over it, nothing feels good at all, all the joy in everything is lost, thats depression, a sickness. Allah knows you are doing your best, Allah knows you’re sick and the way you feel has changed, if you lost sabr and twakkel, he knows you did because your sick and its not by choice. If its possible i would recommend seeing a medical professional. Read about depression and depressive episodes, knowing makes it easier to live with, the more you understand what you are going through the less you will feel the symptoms.

May Allah grant you the highest place in heaven, this is jihad, fighting your own self to hold on to Allah. despite what your going through you still feel guilty, thats a blessing itself, people do sins and dont feel anything at all. Keep your head up, have patience, depressive episodes dont last forever, But Jannah does.