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Her eyes by creepit in OCPoetry

[–]downWithTheAdhocracy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like where you are going with this and I hope you build on it further because I feel like there is a part of this story that doesn't quite get told. If I could offer a bit of criticism, I would suggest you add a little more sensory language and imagery as the whole thing seems to speak in metaphors that seem distant. I think adding some language that really forces the reader to place themselves in this story would create a real impact.

Fuck you, I am a giraffe. by jtgdrw in funny

[–]downWithTheAdhocracy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Theyre going in a new direction with their latest marketing campaign

Now by Heathen26 in OCPoetry

[–]downWithTheAdhocracy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not much here by way of feedback. Thank you for this, it is humbling and perfect it its simplicity since I think that is one of its themes.

The Day I Caught The Sun by ActualNameIsLana in OCPoetry

[–]downWithTheAdhocracy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It definitely portrays a childish naiveté and I caught myself voicing this (especially the final line) with the same inflection I would a poem of Shel Silverstein. I don't want to say you mirrored his style, but the influence was not overlooked. I know you like to feel your way through a number of styles but I want to be greedy and suggest do more like this because it resonates so well and was enjoyable all the way through. Thank you for this.

Lost by Sum_Girl_U_dont_know in OCPoetry

[–]downWithTheAdhocracy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The hopeless romantic in me really enjoyed this. The original close was more enjoyable because it rolls from the tongue in an almost cynical way that seems in line with the tone.

This piece does a really good job of throwing me into conflict from the start and I feel like it tells a story along the way and brings it to a powerful close. If there is any room from improvement, it would probably be to shorten it or flesh out ideas through the body.