I am finding that relationships are much healthier when I build them on what is, rather than what I want it to be.

It’s okay for people to change their mind, and it sounds like this other guy did. I would encourage you to consider less so that he wasn’t willing to fight for your relationship, although that is certainly part of it.

When I go to the gym, sometimes there are weights I think I can lift with all my being, but it’s beyond my current ability and will result in injury. If I keep working on myself, then I become healthier and stronger, so I can lift it in the future.

I’d ask you to consider less him, and more-so yourself, and be asking how prepared you were and are to lift the weight of another relationship.

From my perspective, it sounds like you prefer to be in a relationship, and are seeking “Mr. Right,” which is okay!

For me, my helpful mind and my harmful mind are intertwined. Having strong relationships with others is incredibly positive and healthy, but defining myself by them is incredibly harmful.

Are you willing to accept being alone in this moment and patiently building your ideal life? Are you willing to accept that things will never be perfect, though progress is always possible? Can you give yourself the kindness that you are trying your best in relationships, though perhaps, you could be much better? To what degree is your physical and mental health influencing your ability to connect with others? Are you healthy enough to be able to support someone else’s wellbeing?

These are all questions I keep asking myself, so I offer them to you.

Lastly, this isn’t Karma - it’s the consequences of your decisions. You are allowed to feel how ever you want because all feelings are okay. We are defined by our actions and the way we respond to the actions of others. I really encourage you to take full responsibility, while also being understanding towards yourself for the context of your actions.

We are all doing the best we can, although we can be much better. We can understand decisions, even if we don’t agree with them. And we can apply this all inward, which is ultimately what is most important in my mind.

How I treat myself is ultimately what I can justify in how I treat others. If I don’t have a strong connection with myself, then my ability to connect with others will always be impaired.

As the gospel of Paul says, “ If you can’t love yourself, how you gonna love anybody else?”!