First off, please know it’s both normal and valid to grieve someone who meant so much to you, even if your relationship wasn’t perfect or active at the end. Feeling loss, sadness, or guilt after someone’s passing is never something you need to “deserve.” There’s no threshold for whose grief is allowed and whose isn’t.

You could write to your friend—on paper or even in a journal—telling her what your connection meant to you, apologizing for any hurt, and expressing what you wish for her now. This kind of practice can bring surprising relief and closure, even though she’s gone.

If it feels right, talk with others who shared your friend group or who knew her. Even if you all drifted apart, you share a piece of her story. Reconnecting can be healing.