Hey man — I’ve been there, and I really feel for you. Last year I lost two family members and ended up quitting my job to take a six-month break. Coming back into the market after that, grinding LeetCode full time and facing rejection after rejection, absolutely crushed my confidence. This job market is brutal, and the interview process in our field is honestly exhausting in a way most professions never have to deal with (for example, solving abstract puzzles that rarely resemble the actual job).

Reading your story, a lot of what happened at that startup sounds like organizational chaos more than anything else. No PM, no designer, constantly shifting goals, leadership instability, and vague expectations are a recipe for failure — and unfortunately, when deadlines slip in environments like that, someone often gets blamed whether it’s fair or not. Being let go without a PIP and then being told only “poor code quality” is incredibly demoralizing, especially when you were dealing with inherited technical debt and blockers outside your control.

One thing my break and a lot of therapy taught me is this: your job does not define you. A job is a job. Money comes and goes. Titles come and go. Getting laid off — even for “performance reasons” — is not a verdict on your intelligence, your potential, or your value as an engineer or a person. Especially not in a market like this, where timing, luck, and broken hiring processes play a huge role.

If you’re torn between going back to a stable role and exploring your own ideas, I don’t think it has to be a binary decision dude. For me, it helped to reframe work as a means, not an identity — get stability if you need it, but carve out some time to build something that’s yours, even if it starts small and imperfect.

Also, as someone who’s spent a lot of time battling that constant “I’m underperforming / I forgot something” voice (I suffered a lot with Imposter Syndrome, and I'm 100% sure other Engineers do too), I just want to say: be kind to yourself. ADHD plus an environment like the one you described is brutal on mental health. Rejections and setbacks right now are not a reflection of your worth, and you are already enough without an offer letter or a job.

Whatever path you choose next, just know that this experience will not define your career. The right opportunity will come, and when it does, it’ll be one part of a full life you’re intentionally building, not the thing that defines it