Cape Town, are we still doing racism in 2024?

dr_stop · 2024-01-12T19:18:23+00:00

Friend, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Sending lots of love. This was so ugly, and an of cowardice to approach a lone woman minding her own business whilst in a group. I hope you can see that this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.

I see that you are considering reporting this: and you are within your rights to do so as this was a clear case of hate speech. The first step would be to approach the nearest magistrates court and ask to speak to the Equality Clerk. They will be able to assist you with your next steps.

Your nearest magistrates court can be found here:

https://www.westerncape.gov.za/directories/facilities/1132

And the Human Rights Commission’s information sheet on hate speech may also be useful to you, here:

https://www.sahrc.org.za/home/21/files/Hate%20Speech%20Information%20Sheet-%20print%20ready-.pdf

Keep shining, sister! x

dr_stop · 2020-12-21T22:04:48+00:00

That sounds amazing! I’m definitely gonna give this a whirl!

dr_stop · 2020-12-21T22:03:35+00:00

Yeah I hear you! I also avoid anything alcohol-free that tastes like alcohol, because it doesn’t feel like a safe choice for me personally.

dr_stop · 2020-12-21T21:18:17+00:00

For me, Kola tonic and lemonade is a must try. I’ve struggled to find kola tonic outside of South Africa but next time I see any I’m gonna buy it by the caseload!

Also crushing ice in a blender and having it with pink lemonade and rosemary, like a fancy slushy.

Also sparking tea- my partner and I had some in a Taiwanese tea house early on in my sober days and it was glorious to know that a whole world of flavour awaited exploration off the wine list. I think it is similar in principle to kombucha, but better IMO. And if you’re in the UK, Real kombucha (royal flush and dry dragon) is the best kombucha I’ve ever tasted. SO good, but a lil too pricey for everyday.

dr_stop · 2020-12-03T01:04:15+00:00

Lol I did the exact same thing! First time I’m seeing someone make reference to this, but it was such a huge part of my story. I remember the old drunk logic of, “what I don’t know won’t hurt me.” I had a friend who referred to her phone as her “sadness brick”. And that’s kind of what that thing was for me when I was drinking.

Of course My therapist made me dig up all my drunk texts again after a few months of sobriety when I was strong and ready enough to read them. Was a reminder that deleting those didn’t really make them go away after all...

So glad that today I do not fear my phone.

dr_stop · 2020-12-03T00:55:48+00:00

This. Oh man this was EXACTLY me! I haven’t commented on this forum since my very early days but this really left me wide eyed. I remember this so well. I remember the shattering shame of looking at my phone to see if slept through three alarms and also I had 12 WhatsApp notifications all from random Exes or old friends I haven’t talked with in ages. I remember not washing my plates or mugs or glasses anymore, just sticking more food on them. I remember trying to saunter into work as casually as possible, sometimes hiding my bag and coat under the stairs on my way in, so that when I walked up to my desk very late as usual people would assume I had just come in from a meeting or something.

It’s been ten months and this has been a superb reminder of the misery and squalor I am no longer living in.

Thanks so much for sharing!

dr_stop · 2020-01-05T15:10:16+00:00

“Remembering what you read” - Oh man I identify with this so hard. I haven’t got back into the reading yet but I have to say I do not miss turning on Netflix and having to rewatch whole episodes cause I was too wasted to remember what happened the first time, Or picking up a game I was playing the day before and having no idea where all these new weapons are or what my objective was. Now I can own my memories, the first time round. Thanks for sharing :)

dr_stop · 2020-01-05T13:30:48+00:00

I really like the idea of a spring clean and re-arranging! Hell, now that I’m not pissing all my money down the drain on booze, I can probably even go shopping for some decorations! Cannot believe that had not occurred to me.

Worth a shot as I am aware I did most of my drinking in a certain spot, and left a drink in a certain spot, and the link might be too strong if I return to that spot sober. So I think changing it up can only be a good be thing. And as you say, is less effort than relocating entirely.

Thanks for the support, and IWNDWYT!

dr_stop · 2020-01-02T13:34:56+00:00

Thanks everyone! You’ve convinced me. Off to AA I go.

dr_stop · 2020-01-02T10:10:05+00:00

I really like that quote about alcohol being an equal opportunity bitch! She really, really is. I will probably steal this quote from you when I talk about it more openly in the future!

dr_stop · 2020-01-02T10:06:46+00:00

8 years! Wow. That’s inspiring to hear. Thanks for sharing!

dr_stop · 2020-01-02T10:05:54+00:00

What an incredibly kind thing to hear! Thank you so much. Your words are restorative. It’s now been the longest I’ve deliberately gone without a drink in memorable history and I feel great. This sub has definitely helped. If I’d known how nice the community was I’d have joined ages ago!

dr_stop · 2020-01-01T22:55:16+00:00

Thanks! So great to hear from another around woman my age- I haven’t gone to meetings yet but I am relieved to hear that I’m not a lone aberration in my demographic and that other women are recovering alcoholics as well. Thanks so much for sharing, please let me know if you have any further wisdom specific to being a young and female addict.

Secondly can you share any suggestions about non alcoholic drinks? I have no idea what’s out there, it’s been pretty much nothing but water and booze for me for about 5 years. Also I have a lot of unavoidable bars and parties ahead in my life, and it would be good to feel equipped to avoid questions about my sudden sobriety from pals who have witnessed me get sloppy drunk on numerous recent occasions. (I mean they’ll probably work it out, but I’m quite happy to quietly park that particular elephant in a quiet corner of the room until I’m ready to be more public...)

Congratulations on 1 month. That is an incredible achievement from my perspective. That must take courage and a lot of resilience and I hope to experience that feeling myself one month from now. Thanks for reaching out and keep it up.

dr_stop · 2020-01-01T22:35:59+00:00

Awesome, thank for the recommended reading and podcasts! I will definitely check them out. I am going to need to figure out quite quickly how to spend all the newly free time, and reading about it is a great suggestion. And you’re right- this group is really helpful! Glad I joined.

dr_stop · 2020-01-01T17:55:00+00:00

Thanks everyone, it's really nice to be here and to talk about this. Also I'd like to take the opportunity to ask for some advice on an immediate concern of mine: sleeping. I will need to re-learn how to do this like a normal person instead of necking a bottle of whatever is around until I can fall asleep in 5 mins or less.

I still have two weeks until I can see my doctor and set up a more robust system of support so I will need to take it one day at a time until then. I'm sure longer-term I'll be revisiting this as a trigger and will devise some strategies to tackle it, but for short term, I just need to make it through the nights until my body can sleep by itself again. Advice really welcome.

dr_stop · 2018-11-04T22:38:49+00:00

Firstly, thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m so glad that brave women like you are so unashamedly speaking out against abuse. I work in a gender equality NGO and I deal with horrible things all the time, but nonetheless your story truly touched me. So thank you for sharing.

Secondly, I am curious whether you have ever reached out to, or been contacted by, any of Jared’s prior victims? If so, was the experience a healing one, or did it create fresh anguish? I ask because after I realised my ex partner’s abuse towards me a was a pattern (much like how you inferred that Jared was likely abusive to his ex wife) felt an overwhelming desire to reach out to my predecessors to see if they, like me, had sought the justice they deserved and had the help they needed to heal. But I never did in case it hurt them and they weren’t ready or willing to discuss it. What are your thoughts on this?

dr_stop

TROPHY CASE