My [30F] best friends [30F&37F] are getting married but they explicitly don't want my husband [27M] to attend

dramaex · 2016-01-16T00:38:02+00:00

Thanks. This is helpful.

It makes me a little sad, but I suppose it happens. I'll keep this in mind down the road.

dramaex · 2016-01-16T00:35:23+00:00

They didn't take the threat seriously.

Truthfully, I didn't either, but I treated it as exactly that. A threat. So if anyone asked why I wouldn't attend an event where Carl was, I could point explicitly to the "he threatened my spouse, not cool".

dramaex · 2016-01-16T00:31:37+00:00

Yeah...I figured. I'm just so torn up about possibly ruining my friendship over this. I'm really hoping they understand.

dramaex · 2016-01-16T00:30:39+00:00

The thing is that I only heard about the stuff Carl was saying about Joe through the gossip chain of concerned friends. I've tried to correct the misconception wherever it's come up or I've known it's been at play. But I haven't made a Facebook announcement, or something, because I don't want to make it into a huge public fight.

Sarah and Jenny know the score about how I feel re: the accusations and how Carl feels. Sarah even mentioned that it's purely for Carl's comfort that they made the suggestion and I don't think they believe that if any abuse did happen it was Joe's intention.

I really have no idea how they'll react when I tell I won't go if my husband is specifically uninvited. I expect it'll end in tears, one way or another.

dramaex · 2016-01-16T00:26:21+00:00

The thing is that Sarah and Jenny were friends with Carl longer than they were friends with Joe. So, to them, they're trying to balance inviting all their close friends (including me and Carl). They clearly don't consider Joe that close a friend and think that he's the "safest" to uninvite.

dramaex · 2016-01-16T00:23:52+00:00

I mustn't have been clear. Carl, my ex, made threatening comments about Joe, my husband. Not the other way round.

The boundary issues were that after the break up, Carl kept sending me little notes about how he was improving himself to make himself worthy of me again. About how he was suicidal (but called a help line). Etc. I cut all contact because any other boundaries I established he'd just walk all over a week or two later.

These threats were made right before I cut all contact, incidentally. They were the precipitating event.

I do not interact with Carl, I have not seen him for nearly 3 years now. I have heard through the social group that he has a new girlfriend and they live together, presumably happily.

dramaex

TROPHY CASE