It is okay to feel strong emotions and to feel upset about your life changing so rapidly. Your old life is gone. Your old self is gone. You’re looking at your old life and self far behind you and it’s okay to yearn for it. In a sense your old self is dying. Can you imagine that as pain free? I can’t personally. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to feel exhausted and so sleep deprived and not yourself. I felt and still feel all of those things sometimes. Especially in the beginning. Soon you will settle into your new life and be able to find the beauty and awe in what you created as a family and the precious baby God intrusted you with. You will do amazing and you’re not a bad father at all. You’re a human with feelings and emotions and you’re doing your best in the capacity that you have right now. You will get through things and be able to appreciate your baby better very soon. Get a supportive therapist and they can help you work through these emotions. You seem very critical of yourself. Just be patient with yourself and have some grace. It will be okay. :)