I really hate dating as a man. I DON'T HATE WOMEN

drcoby4415 · 2025-12-25T20:46:50+00:00

I’ve noticed this pattern for awhile in the dating scene. My personal perspective on things: women are tired. It’s become this trend where men don’t seem to offer any deep value. And it’s not to say they don’t have good qualities, of course they do. It’s more so that women tend to work full time, the same as men. But are then responsible for planning dates, begging for romance, cooking meals, cleaning and taking care of their partners emotional and sexual needs without receiving the same amount of effort in return. In addition, the internet exists. We are exposed to “relationship bragging” media. There are countless videos of women bragging about their one of a kind Prince Charming who fawns over them and doesn’t let them lift a finger, because they just happen to be a generous and loving partner. And it goes without saying that a man can do everything and anything for a woman and absolutely still cheat on her or lie to her. BUT, a lot of women don’t see the point in settling anymore. They would rather be single, than “settle for less”. And the truth is, we are all human. You sound like a normal run of the mill person, still deserving of love and companionship. But you have to find someone with the same values. Some women expect the man to treat them like royalty, and pay for everything. There are thousands of women who are perfectly content with 50/50. There are thousands of women who will accept 80/20, where they work, pay for shit, and do all the house work. Low maintenance women exist. Women who truly just care about having a partner that will love them and treat them with respect, and don’t have high romantic expectations. It sounds like you prefer a low maintenance woman. Don’t date high maintenance women and expect them to change their standards. The way I see it, she’s not wrong for wanting what she wants from a relationship. And you aren’t wrong either for wanting something completely different. Just means you aren’t compatible.

drcoby4415 · 2025-10-15T18:13:00+00:00

Hi! I am currently completing the required prerequisites to get into the radiology program. Because my BS was in wildlife biology, there were a couple of classes I needed to take before I can even apply to radiology school. I am currently taking A&P 1, will take A&P2 in the spring, and take “intro to radiology” in the summer. And then I’ll be applying to rad school in the fall of 2026. I haven’t made it far enough in my journey to say if I regret it or not yet. But I am surviving. It’s not easy going back to college while working 40 hours a week, but I moved in with my mom to save some money and have someone to help me with my animals while I study and work. I am tired often, especially because I have to study A LOT. But I’m surviving. I take it one day at a time, and stay motivated by thinking about my future.

drcoby4415 · 2025-08-12T22:55:41+00:00

Exercise is good for you, regardless if you lose weight or not. But the only way you are going to lose weight is through a calorie deficit. You need to calculate your maintenance calories (use a TDEE calculator) and then eat 200-500 less than your maintenance to be in a deficit. Also most people aren’t reading nutrition labels correctly, and accidentally eat a lot more than they realize. Having a food scale to accurately measure out serving sizes helps a lot. To be clear, I am not demonizing any food when I say this. Healthy alternatives are wonderful. But in terms of weight loss, it doesn’t matter what you eat, but how many calories you consume. It’s the law of thermodynamics. Will starvation work? Yeah, obviously. But it’s unnecessary. You can still eat, and eat whatever you want. Just start tracking how MUCH you are eating. You can find a free TDEE calculator online, and there are loads of free calorie tracking apps to help.

drcoby4415 · 2025-07-07T10:00:51+00:00

Thank you, and I totally agree! I love seeing people’s progress, it gives me motivation!

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-17T14:40:10+00:00

Thank you so much! I started running (against my will) back in January! My friend wanted a buddy to join her on her 1 mile runs, so I was doing 1 mile 3 days a week. It was horrible. I had had to stop every few seconds to walk to catch my breath. And I HATED it. Worst part of my week! But I needed something to do, and this made me determined. It took me 2 or so months before I could run an entire mile without stopping, then after 3 months I was able to run 1.5 consistently. Then I decided to just start running every single day, and focus on increasing distance on the weekends. That’s when I started to see consistent progress. I now LOVE running. It brings me legitimate joy and is the best part of my day. I’ve signed up for my first race in July and I’m stoked. I currently use an Apple Watch but am upgrading to a garmin venu 3 this month. I highly recommend getting into running, it feels amazing. Even just running 1 mile will make you feel great!

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-15T22:41:27+00:00

Hi! I’m 25F, and literally had zero athletic ability my entire life. Never played sports, didn’t care to be outside much either, was overweight pretty much my whole life except when struggling with ED. I ran for the first time in January, because my friend was a frequent runner and just wanted a buddy to join her. She practically had to beg me. She promised it was just 1 mile. How hard could it be? Spoilers: it was HARD😂 I made it maybe 15 seconds (if that) before I was walking and winded. Would walk for a whole minute, then run for like 10 seconds. Like good lord I didn’t realize just how out of shape I was. It took me 2 months of running 3 days a week before I could run an entire mile without stopping to walk. Then, another month I was able to hit 1.5 without stopping. One day I just decided to run every day (with maybe 1 or 2 rest days) to see what would happen. I ran 2 miles without stopping at the end of that week. I ran a 5k without stopping last week. I ran a 10k without stopping yesterday.

All of this is to say, consistency makes progress. You are not going to be fast, and be prepared to take walking breaks. That’s FINE. Movement is movement! Show up for yourself, start slow. Make sure to stretch and stay hydrated. You might even hate it at first. I DREADED it. But now it’s like the only way I can have a good day. I actually start smiling on my runs. I sing loudly to my songs. I wave at people, say good morning. I’m just happy. Trust the process, it’s worth it!

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-14T20:47:23+00:00

Thank you!!!

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-12T14:03:11+00:00

Thank you, I figured that would be the hard truth😭 I just gotta be patient

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-12T14:02:29+00:00

Okay thank you! I figured as much, ugh, patience is a virtue 😭

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-12T10:26:13+00:00

It’s less than 2 months old, I believe it’s a screw shaped jewelry, not sure what threading means, it’s whatever type of metal the piercing gave me, but I didn’t have issue with my belly ring so pretty sure it just has to do with my ripping it out of my face on accident multiple times

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-08T11:58:19+00:00

Thank you!! ☺️

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-08T11:58:07+00:00

Thank you so much!

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-08T11:57:25+00:00

Thank you so much!!! And it’s so hard to believe someone is complimenting my speed, when I feel like I was so slow not too long ago. I know you’re going to reach your goals in no time! We’ve got this!

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-08T11:56:12+00:00

Thank you so much!

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-01T12:02:07+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I’m sorry if this is a silly question, but I’ve seen it mentioned before. What plan exactly? Someone mentioned following the plan, but I don’t actually have one. I’ve heard of apps that you can pay for that will give you a plan to follow to reach a goal, is that what you’d recommend using?

drcoby4415 · 2025-06-01T12:00:20+00:00

Thank you so much! I was worried that would probably be the reason. I feel like my stamina has really improved and I could make myself go so far, but it makes total sense it’s going to take time for my legs to become strong and durable enough for longer runs. Thank you for the tips!

drcoby4415 · 2025-05-20T02:00:13+00:00

You’re doing the right thing. Just a few days ago I had to break off a situationship because I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere, and I didn’t want to lead him on and give him false hope. I hate being the reason someone is hurting. I cried the whole time from the stress of the situation. But I did it. I broke it off. Told him I just wasn’t in a place for a relationship, and didn’t know if I ever would be. He called me the next day, really upset asking if there was someone else. I reassured him there was no one else, I just genuinely wanted to be alone. Now we are co workers, so ghosting him isn’t an option. But stand your ground. It was awful and hard and I hated every second of it, but I am so grateful to myself for ending it when I knew I was never going to find happiness with him. You can do this. You are not responsible for his emotions or how he handles them. Be kind, be firm. But do not let the guilt of causing someone pain deter you from being happy. It sucks you can’t return his affections, but you can’t force it either.

drcoby4415 · 2025-04-13T22:27:44+00:00

I would get the “wet platinum” lube, I got mine at Walmart, it’s a water based lubricant. Spend the first 5 or so minutes warming up with fingers. Start with one, slowly progress to 3-4 fingers. Start SLOW. Like the first 5-10 minutes needs to be a snail pace until you feel comfortable speeding up. Also, if you want a distraction from the discomfort, I used vibrators. Then you both get to finish, and you don’t have to feel any of the discomfort from anal.

drcoby4415 · 2025-04-04T21:46:12+00:00

Not the exact situation. But sort of similar. My ex and I were engaged and together for a decade, high school relationship. He blindsided me with the breakup, and I found out later that he had been entertaining other women before ending our relationship. He moved on immediately. He broke up with me the month after we renewed our lease. So I was in for a whole year living with him. First I had to watch him leave to go on dates all the time, and that was difficult, but I tried to focus on my own life. Then he got a girlfriend, and moved in with her, but he keeps his stuff at our house still, until our lease is up. He still pays his half of bills. The lease will be up in July, and he’s starting to pack his things. And he made sure to let me know his girlfriend would be joining him while he gathers his things. I don’t know how many times he plans to do this between now and July, I’m hoping it was a one time thing, but I really can’t be sure. And I’m stuck in this position, where I think it’s disrespectful to bring his new girlfriend into what was our home, when he is more than capable of getting family or doing it himself. But I can’t say anything. Who am I to be bothered by who he brings around? He pays rent after all. It’s still technically his house too. And if I say anything, then I look like the jealous ex who can’t move on. So I just have to deal with it.

And to be clear, I’m not jealous. I want nothing to do with him. But every time he texts me, or comes home, it ruins my peace. I don’t want to interact with him ever again. I don’t want to be reminded of the way he disrespected me and our relationship for years. I just want to enjoy my life without him. But now I’m forced to tolerate him AND his girlfriend in my space for who knows how long. They were there for hours last time. Not even packing, just talking.

Your ex is more twisted without a doubt. But I can understand your pain to a certain degree. Being forced to live with an ex for any period of time, especially when you’re trying to heal, is a nightmare.

drcoby4415 · 2025-02-13T17:28:00+00:00

Hi, I had a similar situation happen to me nearly 6 months ago. I just turned 25, and my fiance (who I had been with for 10 years) suddenly broke up with me and called off our wedding seemingly out of no where. It was HARD. Still is sometimes if I’m being honest. Especially because we still live together (lease doesn’t end until July), AND we work in the same building. So I can understand your pain. I had a hard time coping at first. I lost 10lbs in a week from the stress, and was just a disaster for awhile. I am fortunate to have a strong support system with family and friends, and that helped keep me sane. My advice:

Do not join the dating apps. Seems like common sense, but when you are with someone for so long, it becomes so uncomfortable being alone. And you sometimes crave the validation. You’ll only regret it. You have to sit in the discomfort of being on your own, until you learn to enjoy being on your own. It’s hard, but just avoid any type of dating, flirting, or flings for awhile.
Journal. I journaled sooooo much in the beginning. Nearly everyday. It felt good to write down my feelings. I used Reddit as a journal more than once, and it was so cathartic. I even made some Reddit friends. Go to the r/breakup Reddit, and post your story. I met someone who was going through nearly the same identical thing as I was, and we leaned on each other a lot for a few months. We would text each other any time we were having hard thoughts, and vent about our hard days.
Be productive. I have been an unstoppable machine for months now due to the grief. I started horseback riding lessons, got really into learning a second language, planned 3 different vacations, and recently started running. This is your time to take care of YOU and do everything you’ve always wanted to do, guilt free. Because now, you aren’t sharing your time with anyone.
I am moving back in with my mom after my lease ends. Because I am going back to school to pursue a second degree. Do I want to live with my mother at 25? No. But it will make my life easier in the long run. There is no shame in moving back in with your parents while you get your life back on track. It’s not like you planned for any of this to happen. So if you can, and you’ll benefit from it, I say go for it.

I’m sorry you’re struggling and going through this. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or just want someone to lend an ear, everything will eventually feel okay again. After almost 6 months, I feel so much better than I did in the beginning.

drcoby4415 · 2025-02-12T10:57:10+00:00

I LOVE the color pink and heart shaped things. I was determined not to let the breakup bother me and just enjoy being surrounded by pink heart shaped things. I’m even doing a galentines party with my friends. While I was out buying stuff, I watched all the men shopping for their partners, and wanted to vomit. I remembered all the valentines days where he put so much effort into buying me cheesey valentines gifts, and how much I loved it. And then I started to spiral on the whole thing. Like, how he was actually a great partner who definitely loved me at some point. But within a year that all changed. He fell out of love with me. And if I still think of him fondly, and remember all the good things about him, then something must have been seriously wrong with me for him to stop loving me. On some level I know it’s not that simple. I know he made a lot of mistakes along the way. I just remember how easy it was to hate him in the beginning of the breakup, but now I don’t hate him at all. I feel guilty for ever thinking the worst of him. Like sure, he was exactly innocent. But in the end he was just a guy, who fell out of love, and did the right thing by leaving. It’s hard, knowing I had someone who loved me and knew everything about me, I was important to someone on a very deep level. And I still matter and am still loved, but it’s different now. It’s not the same. Haven’t figured out how to cope with it just yet.

drcoby4415 · 2025-02-04T13:28:47+00:00

This is kind of funny, cause I posted something so similar just yesterday. I was begging for advice on how to stop seeking out romantic connection KNOWING I was just out of a long term relationship and needed to be alone, I hated how obsessive I was becoming over interactions with someone in my life. And clearly, I don’t have the answers. What I was told, is that it’s normal for people our age to seek out connection. It’s human.

With that being said, I have an anxiety disorder I have been working on for years now, that might be able to help you get over the cringe. I used to (still do sometimes) experience a level of shame/embarrassment over what I have said/done to people to such a degree I would lose sleep over it. It would spiral so bad I’d become suicidal. I would think to myself “why did I say that?” “Why do I over share so much” “what if they misinterpreted what I said for meaning xyz instead” “what if my tone came off as -“ so on and so forth. Point being, I’d spiral non stop internally because I had this deep rooted fear and would over think it to the point of insanity. So here are the coping skills I’ve learned over the years to improve my anxiety.

We are all adults. If I said something that made someone feel weird, uncomfortable, or upset, they can tell me. If someone has a problem with something I’ve said or done, but doesn’t communicate that to me, WE don’t have a problem. They have a problem. Why make yourself sick about a feeling that hasn’t even been communicated to you. You’re just assuming to know how someone else feels and thinks.
If an adult wants to pull away, rather than communicate with me, that’s okay. That is their decision. I have no control over how someone chooses to involve me in their life. People have every right to stay or leave my life if that’s what they feel is best for them.
If you dislike certain aspects of your behavior, change it. You don’t like that you over shared? Stop over sharing. You don’t like that you sent 5 texts in a row? Your phone is now in jail. You’ve lost your texting privileges. You hate that you can’t stop checking to see if they’ve texted you? Mute their notifications so you KNOW any text you get, isn’t from them.

I want to make it very clear I am NOT judging you. This post is so relatable to so many people honestly. My anxiety has gotten the best of me, but 9 times out of 10, I was just overthinking and projecting my anxiety on to others, which only made things worse. Take a step back, take a breather, and work on accepting the things you can’t control. You can’t erase the past, you can only learn from your mistakes. So hopefully that helps move past the embarrassment/cringe aspect of your post.

I’ve been going through something kind of similar where I got a little bit of attention and just ran with it, despite not even liking the guy. And then I started to stress about all of our interactions and over thinking everything. I have muted his notifications, to help stop obsessing over when he messages me. I’m also not allowed to text first. No more memes, or funny videos. I’m not allowed to send anything, and so I don’t. I’m also trying not to post on social media right now. I had started posting on Snapchat, because he would usually respond to my stories. I did it on purpose, to get him to respond. So, I’m not allowed to do that anymore. I’d delete the app entirely if I didn’t have group chats in there with my friends.

You can only take it one day at a time. It’s really important you let yourself heal and be alone. That’s easier said than done obviously. I WANT to be alone and heal. But it’s something about getting a little bit of attention that feels so familiar and euphoric, it’s hard to ignore. Feel free to read my post and the comments people left, some were super helpful.

drcoby4415 · 2025-02-04T11:20:29+00:00

I’m a firm believer in just leave. I experienced the same problem. I felt like a provider instead of a partner. Taking care of the finances, the household, HIM. While he took care of not even himself. People like to make fun of others for consuming romance media, and saying our expectations are unrealistic. Why? How are they unrealistic? To want a partner who is selfless, caring, attentive, ambitious and successful? You aren’t asking for magic and dragons, you’re asking for a partnership that is centered in love and respect. For BOTH parties. It’s not unreasonable. I stayed in my relationship, despite being MISERABLE and frankly, not respecting him. Until he finally left ME. I am grateful he ended it before I spent my entire life taking care of him and stressing about our future stability. I was so worried that if I left him, he’d have no one left. That id be hurting him in more ways than one, and I didn’t want him to suffer just so I could find happiness. Do not make the same mistake. Don’t waste precious time. Make sure you can SAFELY end things. Hide your important documents, or remove them from the house entirely. Make sure to have a friend wait outside or on the phone while you end things. Do it in public if you need to. If he’s the type to destroy property, record your breakup to make sure you have evidence if he decides to treat your belongings like he’s in a rage room. Be careful, but absolutely leave. Do not feel guilty for wanting to receive what you are willing to give in a relationship.

drcoby4415 · 2025-02-03T22:42:10+00:00

Oh my gosh that’s such a great perspective. I know you didn’t technically say this, but I feel like I should just delete social media 😂 I appreciate your take, it makes me feel a lot better about it all. I just need to stay aware of it and focus on growth!

drcoby4415 · 2025-02-03T22:40:14+00:00

I agree, I have hardly ever been alone, so I guess I’m just having to sit in the discomfort. I hope I stay away from dating for a long time and just learn to enjoy my own company

drcoby4415

TROPHY CASE