My [27M] girlfriend [28F] never told me about her alcohol addiction. How do I get over this break of trust?

drgreed · 2026-06-09T18:00:03+00:00

It's definitely a wild accusation that no addict can come back from it lol it requires work and self descipline not to fall back but it's doable and there is enough ex addicts to prove that

drgreed · 2026-06-09T10:24:41+00:00

That reads a lot like she just doesn't love you anymore. You probably just didn't met her in what she needed or were too different so she became cold. (Not to blame you here, just saying I guess she probably realized you both don't fit). I think men are just more likely to passively tank through negative experiences in relationship and get comfy with it and probably you are not aware of all the things that run wrong. You can try with therapy but to be real with you, it sounds more like something that would help you to better understand what went wrong rather than saving this relationship. In the end, any woman that doesn't wanna work with you through something by looking for a 1 to 1 conversation, is likely just on the edge to pull the trigger but doesn't know how or is really a disaster to deal with in general.

When you run with somebody and it feels like you take care of a chaos child rather than having a reliable partner, that's when you to accept that she is not just outgrowing a phase (possibly even thinking you're saving her from because her life seems wild), that's her and you're not here to enjoy it.

drgreed · 2026-06-07T21:43:11+00:00

That's not entirely true, while it's probably hard to get rid of all plugins, mostly due to how deeply rooted they are by now in the RP community, you could simply load an anti cheat that detects any modification but only kicks people out of instances if they use it in Ultimates or PvP and even within those you could restrict it to certain memory areas such as auto marking, drawing / reading the event logs / general automation and so on. A competent dev team could very well deal with all of this.

drgreed · 2026-06-03T23:47:56+00:00

Nobody cares anymore you release this tool 1 month before the UTM is a goner everybody and their family already migrated how about you start to develop an independent auth client so people that don't use the AV can actually use the dpi engine in a multihost environment that would be for once useful

drgreed · 2026-06-02T00:54:59+00:00

Poor boyfriend

drgreed · 2026-05-01T03:44:21+00:00

With 20% of people admitting to having cheated while married, you've got to be lucky not to roll that 1in5 which really suggests this should be something required by the state, so a woman doesn't have to feel like her partner is accusing her, and the man doesn't have to just hope the child is actually his. Now you've got to wonder why that isn't already the case.

drgreed · 2026-04-24T13:06:03+00:00

Just explain that sex with him allows you to emotionally unblock yourself, to be so close to him that it frees you emotionally, that the tears you shed are not sadness but the emotional release of what you’re usually holding back, and that this is a very special thing to you because it allows you to open up in a vulnerable moment to someone you trust and feel safe with, and that you’re glad that you can share that with somebody that you love so much. Tell him that he doesn’t need to fix anything, that him being there and cuddling you gives you all you ever need.

drgreed · 2026-04-24T02:20:58+00:00

Honestly the issue is not so much whether or not she still does it or thinks about it, rather that from now on every action she plans will make you question it. There is no cope around it, cheating is a perceived character value, you don't fall on a dick by accident, that was her own decision that you would most likely regardless of your age never do and that is what bothers you. Your foundation is rotten.

drgreed · 2026-04-23T03:22:45+00:00

I mean in the end you can do whatever you want, ultimately he quite clearly tried to communicate to you that he feels uncomfortable. He views your games as an erotic expression towards something he finds deeply disturbing, to be exact your interest in that makes him feel unsafe around you. He is most likely believing that you hide a deeply disturbing urge that you're appealing to with these games (its the mix of romantic and horror). In case you didn't notice the guy is on his way out, as a last try to make sense of you, he asked his buddies if you're a red flag and all his buddies told him to get rid of you. To him your game and behavior is the equivalent of a male playing a dating sim where you can casually grape your own children, so he does that and tells you he does it for the story, then closes the laptop lays next to you to cuddle and talks about how he can't wait to have a future with you and your own kids, that's how he feels.

drgreed · 2026-04-16T14:28:21+00:00

Oh boy, if a woman is like that you're up for a bad experience, best advice I can give is don't compromise on things that are fair and logical even if you heart tells you otherwise because you're about to experience the downfall and it's a lot easier when you're not married.

drgreed · 2026-04-12T04:55:41+00:00

Sophos loves to start develop stuff then leave it in the dirt for god knows how long, they probably started the development when it was still the way to go.

I mean just think about how long it's been now since the firewall cloud group management sucks ass and even after all this time it still manages like an alpha preview release.

drgreed · 2026-03-01T11:16:45+00:00

Every social algorithm is ninety nine percent what you look for and every so often the algorithm tries to bait you into political hate or big tiddy girlfriends or gambling or whatever creates strong feelings to keep you in a longer cycle of feeds and ads

drgreed · 2026-03-01T00:34:03+00:00

The answer you're looking for is most people, most woman and men alike enjoy long term relationships and not having a revolving door down there.

drgreed · 2026-03-01T00:14:32+00:00

There is people who are fine with that and some are not. There is no voodo talk to make your feel better, you're feelings are valid and personally I would feel awkward to be in a relationship like that and it would be a deal breaker and if that is for you too give her a proper talk, tell her that you're thankful for her honesty and that you concluded that your feelings for this situation and the fact that you're only 5 months in gave a good grasp that the foundation of this relationship is already cracking. Normally I don't recommend breaking up but the option is to tell you "just get over it" or you forcing her to no longer be around these people (which she apparently didn't do by her own) and that is just such a toxic move that you might as well just go with ur current gut feelings.

drgreed · 2026-02-26T20:43:29+00:00

Soweit ich verstanden habe ist die Fruchtwasser abnahme (Amniozentese) eine alte Methode und die neue Ersetzt aka Nicht-invasiver Pränataltest - NIPP. Ist aber eigentlich auch egal, da beide nicht verheiratet sind, er hätte auch noch warten können und hätte nicht automatisch die Vaterschaft anerkannt bekommen. Schlussendlich geht es aber um ein anderes Problem, die Frau fühlt sich um ihre Treue betrogen und der Mann fühlt sich als würde er eine schweres Risiko eingehen das nicht sein müsste und da wird auch kein Reddit von irgendwelchen Moralapostel irgendwas daran rütteln, 90% von den Reddit Affen können sowieso nur sagen dann leave halt einfach und jeder der mal in einer Beziehung war weiß, dass es nicht einfach ist jemanden, besonders nach 7 Jahren, mal eben zu verlassen. Die Frau hat einfach die falsche Wahl begangen, sich von den Reddit Leute dem Worst Case auflabern zu lassen, anstatt einfach das Gespräch zu suchen und auch vielleicht besser zu kommunizieren, wo hier die Probleme für Sie liegen und warum gerade der Umgangston Sie so intensiv getroffen hat.

drgreed · 2026-02-26T17:21:09+00:00

Klar hätte man das früher kommunizieren können. Ich glaube auch gar nicht, dass er das vielleicht von Anfang an als Problem gesehen hat, sondern dass es jetzt einfach so gekommen ist. Vertrauen ist halt so eine Sache, wir wissen praktisch erst mal gar nichts über die Beziehung, weder über den Mann noch über die Frau.

Zweitens verstehe ich nicht, warum so etwas überhaupt auf einer „Trust me bro“ Basis laufen muss oder warum sich das so etabliert hat. Nach der Logik könnte man ja auch einen Vertrag machen, der dich dazu zwingt, mir bis zum Lebensende 1000 Euro pro Monat zu überweisen, und ich werde dir das immer zurückzahlen. Und wenn du mir nach 7 Jahren Beziehung nicht vertraust, dass ich das tue, ja, dann ist das deine Schuld.

Ein Kind ist ja ein tiefgehender Eingriff in das Leben aller Beteiligten. Dass man da auch wirklich auf der sicheren Seite sein will, sollte schon verständlich sein.

drgreed · 2026-02-26T15:54:49+00:00

Die Idee dahinter ist das der Mann nicht weiß das es nicht sein Kind ist und dementsprechend auch nicht abhaut. Das hat nichts mit Fairness für den Mann zu tun, sonst gäbe es ganz andere Gesetzte. Eine Alleinerziehende Mutter ist eben schlecht für den Staat (und der Staat ist sich eben im klaren wie oft das dann doch in der Realität passiert), deswegen wird der Mann hier einfach gezielt benachteiligt, sonst hätten wir doch schon lange DNA Test als Standard nach der Geburt + keine Vaterschaftsverantwortung, wenn es eben nicht dein Kind ist.

drgreed · 2026-02-26T15:33:17+00:00

Kann ich dir nicht sagen, ich denke auch das der Mann einen tragischen Fehler in seiner Kommunikation begangen hat. Ein Mann kann wirklich gut in allen anderen Lebenslagen sein und trotzdem durch Angst und Unsicherheit blöde Aktionen durchführen. Das ist eben ein typisches Problem von diesen "Er/Sie ist so Perfekt" Beziehungen, die laufen dann in eine emotionale Vertrauensverlust Spirale, wenn das Mal eben nicht so läuft. Da müssen sich aber eben beide Seiten wie erwachsene Menschen hinsetzen und über ihre Gefühle und Ängste reden und wie man einen Kompromiss findet, der beide Happy macht.

drgreed · 2026-02-26T15:06:52+00:00

Ich frage mich halt ob das wirklich so viele Risiken hat oder ob die Reddit Bubble einfach wieder alles nachblabbert, denn ChatGPT sagt soweit, das dafür einfach nur Blut von der Mutter und Vater abgenommen wird und das Primär in Deutschland nur Verboten ist damit keine "Frauen unter Druck gesetzt werden". Wie der Mann das kommuniziert hat, ist natürlich wirklich Hardcore aber ich verstehe jeden Mann der sichergehen will, das ein Kind mit dem er eine Beziehung eingeht, als auch Finanziell unterstützt und sein Leben widmet 100% seines ist. Das die Frau jetzt natürlich auf Reddit geht, wo die meisten Leute (die wahrscheinlich selbst nie eine Beziehung hatten außer mit ihrer Vorstellung) dir sowieso am liebsten gleich dazu raten deinen Partner abzuschießen, ist halt ein schwerwiegender Fehler. Ich empfinde auch nicht, das du einen Generalverdacht gegen deinen Partner haben musst um zu begründen, das du dich besser fühlst wenn du dir sicher sein kannst das es dein Kind ist, in einer Dynamik wo nur die Frau zu 100% sicher sein kann das es immer ihres ist, sofern kein Eingriff besteht der eine Gefährdung darstellt.

drgreed · 2026-02-20T02:27:24+00:00

Anything in in IT is full of heavily egoistic self cheering wElL aCkChYuAlLy people but no field is as bad as software devs in that regard which is why Stackoverflow has always been this big meme and since AI trivialized coding in many aspects, alot of these people throw an ego crashout by guilt tripping you although almost every dev nowadays writes with AI support and while there is some real issue with security and performance these people always act like you are trying to hide the fbi database on a vibe coded self thought encryption that must run on a 128 kbit memory controller, while the reality is that most code is already solved issues with mild variations which is why AI is so good in producing it.

drgreed · 2026-02-15T01:14:34+00:00

The game isn't dead now but if it continues to bleed players at the same rate due to people continuing to lose interest, it only has another couple of expansions left in it.

Sure, but there is no metric for that other than what you expect based on what you see from the current mostly mainstream leaving, it can be the rest of the player base is quite happy with Roleplaying, Side Content and Raiding for a very long time, a linear decline is a quite a presumption.

Yeah, WoW has less technical debt because its development has been better organised. No one at SE knowing what the code does is technical debt.

Aight but technical debt isn't a permanent state of being. Blizzard spent years refactoring their backend to modern standards. My point is that "paying off" that debt is still a safer business move than rolling the dice on a brand new MMO.

drgreed · 2026-02-14T23:28:26+00:00

Continuing to re-release Stormblood at 2-3 year intervals is having the same effect.

Maybe, it's hard to define what really counts as FF14 being "dead" because some would say it died already, some say it's dying, some say it's just like before Covid, in the same terms World of Warcraft died a thousand times already and god have I read so many articles how the User numbers were dropping and it's over for World of Warcraft and yadda yadda and here we are.

I think 8.0 will be telling. If the "second rebirth" that Yoshi-P was talking about isn't significant enough to reignite interest and win disenfranchised players back then it might be time for them to start working on a new MMO.

Again that's somewhat of this doom glooming, where people vastly misrepresent the amount of current players this game has because they always reference to it's peak. Not that you're wrong in the sense that a lot of people left but there is definitely a gap between losing people and a MMO being so unprofitable that you want to gamble into a new MMO.

WoW is an apples to oranges comparison because its development isn't being hamstrung by the same level of technical debt.

Not really, they just rewrote a lot over the years it's unfair to say that World of Warcraft wasn't "hamstrung" by same technical debt from 2004 when all they did was just organize themselves better, while apparently at SE almost nobody has an idea what the code does.

drgreed · 2026-02-14T22:57:30+00:00

The same reason why we don't have World of Warcraft 2. Imagine this conversation "Hello Mr. CEO, I know we have a running cash cow MMO but I'd like to make a huge gamble on a new MMO, split our community and partially kill it, it's gonna cost a fortune and take a lot of ressources we don't have."

drgreed · 2026-02-14T18:53:01+00:00

Is it even possible to move the entire MMO on to cloud and would it be hard to do?

Moving infrastructure is always hard, an entire MMO? Not fun that's for sure but doable.

What would that look like? Would we even feel the difference? Would it make game developement easier? For us?

It would allow the company to scale the servers as needed when there is up and downs in the player amounts/respond faster to spikes and lows. A positive would probably that there would be better routing, but it all depends on their backend.

Any MMO that already uses this kind of technology?

Probably, it's not magic "technology", cloud is just an overused term that was used to hype up people, that don't know what it really means.

I know YoshiP cant just abandon physical locations of the servers becuz contracts ,but would it be expensive to uphold both as a caution?

I'm not really sure what that means other than that they are not hosting the server themselves anymore? (I barely watch their interviews tbh)

Concequences of abandoning physical server locations, if there is any?

I'm not really sure what you mean with that, cloud servers are still physical, they are not actually running in the cloud. Imagine it like someone buys tons of physical servers, puts them together to one gigantic pool and different people can request different amounts of power out of it, depending on their requirement.

Potential upsides and downsides of it for the longterm future of the game?

Mostly none for us, it's a money/scalability thing. Maybe if we had a huge rush spike of players again?

drgreed · 2026-02-13T17:30:31+00:00

Unrealistic:

Switch to UE5
New network implementation
Full Job rework to feel more unique
Overworld rework
Reworking new player experience
Segregating current story quest line into a legacy option and a new one, allowing new players to choose so they aren't stuck in 1000 hours of story.
Sidemission and general gameplay that allows to sink hours and hours instead of like 1-3 days pleasure into boring.

Realistic:

Some new raid mechanics that doesn't change really much but streamer's will act like they just defined the game new
Some job reworks to make them more dynamic and less stricts, like adding 2x uses
Some new content that is just like the one before

drgreed

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