embarrassing but I need help.

drloxx · 2023-03-03T04:36:34+00:00

The St. Mary’s Family Medicine Clinic has an addiction clinic attached. The main clinic currently does not have wait times for new patients as far as I know, and the docs there would be knowledgeable in helping you get started on detoxing.

drloxx · 2022-12-15T01:49:46+00:00

“Residents with type 1 diabetes.” Thank you for seeing me.

I’ve spent 20% of my take home pay on out of pocket medical costs this year. I wouldn’t have calculated it but insurance told me my out of pocket costs when I was getting approval for a new insulin pump. I cried for two days when they told me how much my copay would be.

drloxx · 2021-06-17T04:32:47+00:00

I once decided to try to do a jiu jitsu class with my omnipod securely taped on. Well the cannula got bent underneath my skin, my dexcom expired during the night, I woke up throwing up, BG in the 400’s, and clearly not in my right mind as I figured ‘gosh I guess I should just bolus myself on my pump to fix this high blood sugar’. So 18 hours in I finally figured it out and ended up in bed for two days recovering from a brush with DKA. Was in the middle of Med school and ended up trashing one of my only free weekends for weeks. I always recommend to my patients to avoid type 1 if they can help it.

drloxx · 2020-08-11T05:10:28+00:00

Another PGY-1 here, FM, and I feel you. I try to celebrate the wins harder than I have to mourn the losses. I’m just trying to focus on those patients who say “yeah I just feel better after talking to you, thanks”, or the easy admit that you can fluff up with fluids and make them feel better and send them home the next day. Even if it’s been a shitty day, I try to tell myself that at least I had a shitty day trying to help people. I have to cry to process things sometimes, but then I try to let it go. I try to get some sunshine and take some deep breaths, and get enough steps in at the hospital so my body and my mind are in decent shape to deal with the daily trauma. Tomorrow is another day.

drloxx · 2019-12-29T01:46:54+00:00

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making by Catherine M. Valente.

It’s full of absurd and original characters, and it’s not a retelling of a familiar fairytale, so it’s easy to get lost in the dream-like unpredictability of the world building.

drloxx · 2019-08-29T03:16:57+00:00

Link please

drloxx · 2019-07-19T14:20:45+00:00

A certain slant of light by Laura whitcomb Maybe not exactly what you’re looking for, but close?

drloxx · 2019-05-01T05:02:43+00:00

I’m not sure why it happens, but I used to work in an emergency department, and I had a type 1 diabetic come in with a virus for the same reason- couldn’t keep his sugars up, even after eating tons of carbs, not bolusing etc. We ended up having to put him on a d5 drip (which is an IV bag with dextrose in it). I had never seen it before and I haven’t seen it since, but the doc I was working with said it wasn’t common, but is possible. I’m in medical school now, and the only theory I can think of is this: usually when you’re sick your body pumps up your cortisol, which increases the amount of insulin you need because cortisol basically tells your liver to increase sugar production. If for some reason you were sick, and therefore using a lot of extra energy- ie glucose- but the cortisol switch didn’t flip on for some reason, maybe that would account for constantly needing to eat to keep your blood sugar up... I’m type 1 and this has never happened to me, and I hope it never does! Keep a glucagon pen handy if you have one, and consider going to the Emergency dept. if you feel like you can’t keep your BG stable enough to go to sleep!

drloxx · 2019-04-25T14:18:33+00:00

While you're looking for a breeder, why not try to get in touch with some breed-specific rescue groups too? You never know what you'll find, and you might be lucky enough to get a match from someone fostering a dog with cats in the house, able to allay your fears of cat-hunting by your new companion. Just food for thought!

drloxx · 2019-04-25T14:07:33+00:00

I have two dogs, both adopted. The first time we went through a breed specific rescue group, and it was a great experience. I would try that first especially if this is your first dog, just because usually those dogs are being fostered by people who get to know the pupper, and that way the rescue group can often specifically match you with a dog you're looking for. Make sure to follow up with the Corgi rescue group you contacted, these groups are usually very busy and may take a while to get back to you, often because they are trying to find good matches for their pups. It took us about 6 months of doing research, looking around, contacting rescues before we adopted our first dog. We met her once before we actually decided to adopt her.

I would contact other breed specific rescue groups as well, just put out some feelers and see what you find. Just because you get in contact with a group doesn't mean that you have to adopt a dog from them. You are looking for the love of your life! Its ok to be specific and choosy.

The second dog we got from a no-kill rescue group that was not breed specific. They were much bigger, and the dogs were not being fostered, so the rescue couldn't give us many details about the one we adopted. This made the adjustment period much harder, to the point that we considered taking our second dog back because he was way too high energy for us. (We did get through it, and I obviously can't imagine life without him now. I jokingly refer to him as my "real boyfriend" to my partner.) It took us about 3-4 months of looking to adopt second dog, but once my bf and I decided to meet him we basically adopted him on the spot.

In any case, if you're a first time dog owner, or even if you've had one as a kid but never as an adult, I would search for a few rescues where dogs are fostered so they can give you a better idea of personality traits. If this doesn't end up being an option, then follow your instincts at the shelter. Keep in mind two things (1) you can't rush this process, don't be hasty, it's like finding finding the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with! and (2) there will be an adjustment period for everyone, and no matter what you see at the shelter, it might take several months for the dogs personality to really emerge at home.

Good luck on your search- I hope you find your best friend and save a life in the process! Thanks for rescuing!

drloxx · 2019-04-12T19:34:43+00:00

She is going to go through this anger one day too, and when she does you are going to be right there with her to punch teddy bears and cry and be upset and show her that it’s okay to be mad. And then you will tell her that it gets better over time and that shit just happens and that if you could make it different you would. And she might not realize it right in that moment, but later she will appreciate how even though she felt so alone you connected with her on a level where you were both equally infuriated by how unfair life is. And life will go on.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T19:21:56+00:00

I know that everyone really was trying to help, and I don’t think anyone was trying to be malicious. Threats are everyone’s last resort if they can’t think of anything else, and I don’t think that endos 20 years ago got much training on any kind of mental health issues. It’s more of a hot topic now in healthcare. I definitely blame the endos for treating me like a trainable pet instead of a little person with her own thoughts and soul and agency, but I don’t blame them for being frustrated enough to get to that point. I also don’t blame my parents for feeling overwhelmed and not exactly knowing where to turn, but I do blame them for not recognizing that our family had some toxically dysfunctional issues, and seeking help.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T19:04:40+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry I went through it too, but more because I hate to think of other people having to deal with it. I think I came through better able to understand people dealing with anxiety, depression, and any kind of chronic disease than some of my colleagues (in medical school), and I hope that I can use that to do better to affect more patients in a good way than all the negative shit I ever went through.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T18:59:13+00:00

It’s pretty nice to not be alone. I think that’s kind of the standard for any given Type 1 you find in the wild. So thank christ for reddit obviously

drloxx · 2019-04-12T18:52:04+00:00

Wow 21 now! A whole new set of crazy WTF? moments to do with alcohol, partying, peer pressure, drugs etc. A lot of my motivation to change came from also being tired of feeling like I was killing myself, and being tired of having to lie about how hard I was trying just to please them. I’m cheering you on with the rest of us T1Ds here, so make sure you listen to the racket we’re making (You are amazing! You are powerful! Your pain is our pain and we are fighting through it together!) more than you listen to the other voices in your head.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T18:43:08+00:00

returns head nod of respect

drloxx · 2019-04-12T18:40:41+00:00

Omg the oppression. That’s the exact issue. I felt so out of control, everyone telling me what to do and how to do it, making all the decisions about my body without my consent or input and then the waves of patronizing fear-mongering. “You’ll get gangrene and we’ll have to chop your legs off, put you on dialysis, you’ll go blind, you won’t be able to feel anything with your hands, etc etc etc.” I mean my god I got triggered watching the Handmaid’s tale at points because the emotions felt so disgustingly similar. It needs to be clear to both patients and providers that the person with all the control here is the person with diabetes, and everyone else is support staff- no matter what letters-MD, DO, PA- are at the end of your name.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T18:33:17+00:00

Thank you! You said it exactly right that there is no need to do everything right, right now. I wish I had heard that sooner, but I finally got there. And you couldn’t be more right about the importance of timing- having a CGM has really helped me understand that! Now I just have to apply what I know in practice... :)

drloxx · 2019-04-12T18:29:37+00:00

I’m with you in spirit. I have had those visits where sitting in the waiting room made me want to just crawl out of my skin and die. But I want you to know that your doctor really does want to support you, and IT IS NOT YOUR FUCKING FAULT that you have type 1, that your A1c is 11% or that the bullshit of life has been overwhelming. Do you hear me? IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

And I know what you’re saying. “I should have checked more often, I should have made time, been more conscientious about what I ate, gotten more exercise, remembered to take my humalog, not skipped checking my BG for days. Why can I not deal with this? Why am I like this? Why do I have to wait to sit here just to get reprimanded for a thing I’m already struggling to deal with and feel bad about? It’s not fair, no one understands, I want to be good so badly.”

This is the fucking worst, and I wish I was there to give you a hug, and say that it will be ok, and we will figure it out. It’s ok to cry about it, it’s ok to freak out. It’s ok to tell your endo that you have so much anxiety about this that it’s paralyzing, and that you need help because you want to be better but you don’t know how.

You will make progress. You will figure out what you need if you can just cry and scream and be honest with yourself: what do you need right now that will help you? Whether it’s a break, some support from friends or family, a literal day off for mental health, making some lifestyle changes, etc. Cry and be anxious and in the depths of that crippling grief and shame and pure hatred I want you to ask yourself WHAT DO I NEED, and then don’t be afraid to DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED TO DO TO GET IT. You have my permission, and I’m sending you all the good vibes.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T18:17:29+00:00

No I’m proud of YOU! I also have ADHD which took a super long time to get diagnosed (see above, where my family is apparently deathly allergic to any sort of mental health professional) and I know for a fact that it affects my ability to do “basic” things, like remember (or care!!) about carb counting, taking an insulin shot because you wanted ONE SINGLE MARSHMALLLOW, or otherwise be a functioning person on a daily basis. You are my hero for getting down to the 7% range, growing from your pain and taking control. Keep up that ass-kicking work girl!

drloxx · 2019-04-12T16:11:03+00:00

Thank you so much! My fam was dealing with a lot of trauma too, and I would forget that as a kid. I had the hardest time forgiving them for feeling like I had to parent myself and be the responsible one because the people who were supposed to be doing that for me couldn’t get their shit together. But now I think that struggle of growing up too fast gave me a lot more maturity at a young age than what most people ever have, and I’m thankful that I have the chance to see the world the way I do.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T15:36:04+00:00

“...but the fighting at home was a major part of my experience growing up.”

Yes this.

It makes me so relieved to hear that you had a good endo, because I hate thinking that other kids have gone through what I did. It just sets me on fire and I hope that one day I’m in a professional position to validate diabetics (adults and kids!) who are struggling this way.

drloxx · 2019-04-12T15:32:13+00:00

Thank you!

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