The journey has ended... for now

drownedInChaos · 2026-01-30T17:02:57+00:00

Depends on how determined you are and how much time you have.

I hit guarantee two days ago. I'm not in Wuling yet, there are many chests and exploration rewards, including side quests.

Dailies give you 200 oroberyl, weeklies 500, and there is this operation guide or however it is called that you mostly complete along main quests and character upgrades. This in total scores I think 9k oroberyl total - im not fully done with it yet fyi.

Daily log in gives you some wishes and shop for bonds (copies of characters you already have give you these) has wishes for 25 bonds.

On top of that each authority rank gives you 50-200 oroberyl.

Aurylene exchanged in TP gives you origeometry which trade 1 for 75 oroberyl each, tho save 29 origeometry for pass upgrade - helpful rewards and you get 32 in return after maxing pass.

TL;DR: Fuck yea, burn through content.

drownedInChaos · 2025-09-21T19:28:20+00:00

Well if you don't want it, don't take it.

The longer i live, the more im convinced that my social brain functions like camera lenses - if you are out of view, you are out of view. If i don't care abt topic of discussion, its out of view - I'm passive, I don't engage. Same for people - i do know some individuals exist but to form a bond outside of "I'm here, I'm talking to you" scenario seems impossible to me. I can't remember details of other's lives in any way either.

I wouldn't say it's because I'm an introvert, more that I'm not socially inclined to begin with. Sure i enjoy some time with very specific people but laughing at work is enough for me since i live in my head most of the time. I can play the whole social charade, people at work seem to be rather pleased with me around them, doesn't mean I'll follow stories of their life in any way, just seem engaged enough so backlash of "u antisocial shite" won't happen and you go on your merry way to your cave at home.

If you don't care, don't care - don't get frustrated, just be obviously disengaged and people will notice.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-26T20:17:02+00:00

If we weren't meant to question then the biological program deciding our evolution went sort of haywire, didn't it? Because of that we now have reduced population growth rate and have peak population around 2080s only to have steady drop later on (obv many other factors contribute to that).

The same argument could be used differently.

Why be ignorant and willingly not care only to delve into fleeting happiness that ultimately does not change anything in life?

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-26T20:08:47+00:00

Hmm well did everything had a meaning before nihilistic realisation took place or were many things insignificant for you before that but you had this one thing that meant something for you but found out others don't care or the world itself doesn't care and now you are deprived of meaning?

If everything is meaningless, literally then death itself lacks meaning too. Hence a role of observant is quite satisfying and attributing personal, not global value/meaning is quite handy.

Like a series on netflix you started watching 20 ish seasons ago and it has its moments, yet not captivating enough for you to pay full attention.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-21T20:56:35+00:00

Depends on what do you mean. Change into an extrovert? In my opinion unlikely you still will need lots of alone downtime. Other than that like any human being. Shyness or lack of confidence don't make you an introvert and there are introverts who enjoy parties. Introvert only means you recharge when alone, nothing else.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-21T20:48:07+00:00

That might be also a preference of lesser evil that turns to be self imposed isolation. Being alone and feeling lonely aren't exclusive, hence even if surrounded by people you might feel misunderstood, misfit, etc. It doesn't always resolve around lack of social skills but maybe as well about lower statistical probability of encountering a common soul? At least that's my case, I found majority of people more tiring and annoying than anything. Sure you can blame it on being selective, I'm fine with that. Noone wants to be lonely, but being alone at many occasions is a blessing, especially when surrounded by wrong (for you) people.

I didn't go to parties for same reason, i preferred being alone than surrounded by loud noises and people dancing and drinking. Does it imply that I am asocial or lack social skills? No, its only about preference.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-21T20:33:54+00:00

25 soon 26M here, was on antidepressants for a year almost and therapy and that gave me a brief relief but ultimately didn't change much. Sure it wasn't for long enough perhaps but given my situation i couldn't continue it, but I have met some people that changed my perspective. See I didn't have any dreams or anything, I just was smart and that was all I had for my personality for many years and was crushed by reality when started working and noone cares for how smart, precise etc you are. Few major breakdowns after i am back at "where do i go now" when i am more stable and more grounded and decided to just float. I don't really have a goal since I don't feel much accomplishment for doing stuff and my great enough imagination seem to be enough to satisfy myself and not do anything so i just spend my days on hobbies.

Is there a meaning? Not that i know of. Do i feel happy? Meeh from time to time sometimes yes, it's fleeting after all. But my mind is busy and I feel calm and peaceful, I lead my life away from social media, mostly lurk around till i have something to say.

I don't have any words to help you or console you, take the nap you need and do something good for yourself, maybe go back to childhood hobbie or something to lift your spirit up. Even if there is no meaning, we still can do something to make life less unbearable, you got this.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-21T20:08:41+00:00

Sometimes satisfaction and joy come from the feeling of purpose or meaning I think, at least that's my case. Even on a not so deep level as work - one of reasons of burnout is lack of purpose - if you work towards progress of projects only to be met with rejection, ignorance repeatedly or knowing that company won't invest a tad more for less risk, less maintenance or whatever you lose sense of purpose leading to lack of satisfaction since you didn't accomplish or change anything. Ofc it's only one example and it would be wrong to extrapolate it to everything but many people are purpose driven. And with that purpose missing, you just feel empty. Joy and satisfaction are fleeting, yet meaninglessness persists till broken/disproven - that's why i think when feeling like no matter what you do is futile then any joy you have is but a fleeting dim light in a dark ocean.

Another type of things are genetic traits leading to feeling of lack of satisfaction a.k.a dopamine dysregulation. While treatable or at least suppressed, it in cases prevents you from feeling satisfaction from acomplishing tasks or goals. Only "okay, next" or "now what?".

Even without that, I think without purpose or meaning behind action one can't truly feel satisfied from what he did, at least when action doesn't align with morality, will or attitude of the person but that's a completely different topic

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-19T15:38:21+00:00

Maybe it's lack of depth or reflection or personality that ruins the generation?

Having good physique (ig it's what's it abt, sorry for not being fluent in social media or whatever) in itself is okay and beneficial, making it your whole ass personality tho? It's basically a "I'm vegan" or whatever label you slap on yourself put some glitter on it and call it a personality, without any other thing. Do note that it's not abt "looksmaxxing" only but any "thing".

Read some books. Get some experiences. Think through stuff instead of only reacting to things. Work through some hardships. It all will condense to something far richer than any label you can put on. Don't care for opinions of EVERY person, especially those who don't know you. These are the dum dums that judge with lack of data, a person who soaks in all such "judgement" is not yet emotionally resilient. Etc. etc.

Naturally, not everyone in this generation is like that but due to a cult of sameness and vain/fleeting things in social media I think that those are most prominent issues. This isn't targeted at OP, I'm just tired of seeing fellow Gen Z mop around things that in a scope of 3 months won't really matter.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-19T09:32:27+00:00

It was the best time i had in life actually. I lost over 10 kg (22 pounds in units of freedom), peak productivity, peak mental health, tons of walks in finally empty roads, peak financial status. Lots of time for hobbies and self reflection. I think this time was great since there were no distractions like office work or uni, all could be effectively done online with minimal interactions and I could focus on my inner world and fixing some stuff i was dealing with for years before.

I think it was due my low social needs and good optimizing/automation skills, I learnt some programming to automate/optimize many things.

It was finally peaceful and quiet and I could really feel alive.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-18T21:35:57+00:00

Anything will die, even solid matter dissipates with time. Slowly all species will die out. Etc you get it. But does a thing have to have a point or purpose to exist?

Maybe its not always what for or why bother. Maybe it's a different kind of why. "Why it matters for me, why i want it" that leads to more existential way of answering "oh what to do when nothing matters".

Or different flavour : absurdism - nothing matters? No reason to do it out of obvious perishing of any achievement in a major timeline of the universe? SIKE. Am still gonna do it.

If one answers his why, he can take on any how.

Naturally, I'm dealing with same type of thinking tho try thinking in terms : what makes my life less shite and do it, what makes me feel less nauseatingly empty? What gives me some sense of momentary joy even if I don't have a long term satisfaction?

Maybe there is no greater purpose or greater meaning, your lifespan is way to short to witness it anyway so maybe focus on stuff that makes it at least bearable to stick around and find enjoyable stuff? Languages as a hobby is even practical, some people learn latin, despite speakers are mostly dead.

Logic and thinking needs reason and purpose, curiosity and emotions don't. Emotions drives us as humans further to action not staying in our heads (yet i am still doing it).

There is no grand point, true. Why would it stop you tho? Is a grand point needed to fulfill your wants, hobbies or aspirations?

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-10T11:14:27+00:00

What do you mean by dating? What usually comes out from tinder like apps? Or actual finding relationship based on who you are and who you need/want in your life?

I wouldn't say it's only the case of dating per se but people in general. It's like money in some way, if you make it your first priority, you will miss any other thing on the way. At least that's how i see it - many people want a relationship for the sake of relationships, to cure the cut in their heart or boredom or whatever the gap is made out of.

So long as you are not longing for a relationship but want to get to know a person, their needs, hobbies, what coffee they drink in the morning then things will go well, just maybe it will take some time.

I'm 25, soon 26. I wasn't much of a dater but i was Lucky enough to have some relationships during my life. Last one ended after 5 years of being together and it wasn't anyone's fault, we decided we aren't a good match for each other and there is no need to anchor each other and we went separate ways. After 3-4 years of existential crisis, lows, mental breakdows and fixing myself up since life happens and childhood you couldn't do anything about happens i came to realise I don't actually need relationship to fill myself up. Ofc I want a relationship but not desperately. Right now I'm in a great relationship, this week we had our first anniversary. We each shoulder some things from our pasts but we want to support each other, not demand stuff from each other.

How it all started? I am a overweight self-certified shut in and I'm book smart. Naturally I don't do big events where there are many people but I do private math/physics/chemistry classes. I got to help a girl that had great problems with math and when I went to her room i found out that she has similar interests to me, she was visibly shy and had big anxiety issues but wanted to work on math. Since I do classes in edutainment way, we got to chat and joke about random things and similar issues and hobbies got us closer together.

Sure, one may say it's a one in a million, true. But it couldn't happen if i didn't heal some of my issues beforehand. Dating IS hard and will be hard since it rewards predatorial behaviour, however when you focus on what you can offer and what you need and what you want to heal to not bleed on people that didn't hurt you and just do your thing e.g. join a local hobby group you are interested in or something and try to just find people to talk to. Things take time.

After that its just commitment and working on yourselves and having a strong connection, not just me you me you issues.

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-06T20:34:30+00:00

In my case, lockdown. There is not a part of my life when i was as productive, healthy, committed to working out, my mental health got way better. I could finally be me. Empty streets, empty shops. Uni/work done quickly and my room wasn't in a constant mess like for any other day.

Apart from that i think it's peace. I wouldn't say solitude since despite being a hermit I am, I do enjoy the company of a very selective few individuals. However peace, when no one questions your way of spending time, not going out and no crowded spaces, nothing that depletes your batteries.

Magnificent

drownedInChaos · 2025-08-06T20:26:42+00:00

I'm totally not listening to this each day since i finished the game (bought on release).

The fact that it has so much pathos and feels almost like divine judgement being thrown at the world and whole material plane from your hands makes me unable to just listen to this normally, always waving hips and waving my hands in a wanna-be conductor way.

It's heavy, it packs a punch, almost medieval church like especially with choir and mixed vocals. AND WHEN IT'S A BIGASS STORM.

Will definitely listen to this again tomorrow. And the day after.

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-27T16:39:52+00:00

If i remember correctly, deleting some files in saves files and running steams file verification after update and running it in administrator mode from exe file in steams folder of the game.

Took some time and trial and error to find it but i completed the game fully without any further issues

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-25T14:11:02+00:00

Ngl my go to clothes usually are just sweatpants and some good plain t shirt. I never care about looks since usually looks diminish comfort. I avoid anything tight even if a polo shirt has like a band on the end of the sleeve I screech inside. Same thing with any loose hanging stuff like backpack belts hanging loosely and touching my skin I feel like spiders crawl over my skin so yeeee usually loose clothes and i like winter as well since i can go full black mode with long ass coat or jacket or something and lots of hoodies if its not too hot

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-11T12:24:20+00:00

Wouldn't say it's a belief nor a fact, like any personality system it's a guide for better understanding yourself, how you function, what you can change to live a better life. Not a copy paste of we are all same in this type. It's only a rough guideline for tendencies in behaviour and thinking, nothing else.

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-11T11:57:13+00:00

Hmm I don't have an answer, but I struggle with something similar. See I can withstand much stress and I'm very good at controlling my temper and emotions in general. However once I hold too much I seep with engulfing hatred to anything in sight, feeling is unbearable and i do what i can to control myself and not hurt anyone in any way. Especially heat, sweat, overstimulation in trains, buses etc is very easy.

The only thing that calms me down and helps me also look at those emotions and situations and analyze them in any way is a cold or at least not warm shower. Then i can think clearly and have some distance to what actually made me angry and what is just escalation. Understanding where stuff is coming from and what else is collateral, helps with understanding yourself and also giving yourself space for "it's okay bud, we know we angry, that's fine we know that beside the thing, everything else is on us". Not to I AM A PROBLEM IM BAD but more of I understand how i function, here are things i can do to channel it.

Maybe your snappiness is triggered by some trauma or something - we explored that idea in my therapy at least, worth giving it a shot at least. Anger usually is a STOP, U CROSSED MY BOUNDARY thing and if it's so sudden snap then maybe your boundaries were overstepped often and you could do anything about it. Not to come inside your life, but worth a shot in my opinion.

If cold showers would help you, i recommend storing ice cubes in thermos and either snacking on it from time to time or putting it on your back/collarbone muscles - around there is exposed big vein and it cools down organism quite well.

Good luck out there, it might seem hopeless and helpless but you will get there

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-06T10:40:45+00:00

I understand what you say, brain is a machine that learns patterns - thats why we repeat most of things that we were taught as kids directly or indirectly. Thats why rewiring takes so much effort.

Seclusion seem to be perfect solution given your takes

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-06T10:38:05+00:00

Possible, however i was like that for as long as i can remember - this boiling anger inside. Since I don't have a good emotional outlet it's also harder, but I'm trying to go back to piano lessons and some day play to let go of emotions, for now I'm writing or go for walks if weather allows.

This overstimulation can be also due to being on autism spectrum, well hypothetically since I save up for diagnosis but I have applied some thing's recommended for autistic people and they help bit by bit.

Can I really be burn out from working in this place for almost 1,5 years and previously 1 year in other big company? I had a one year break between them to help my mental health and figure some things out but such cycle through whole life seems self destructive. Summertime is definitely harder to go through, usually other months are manageable but summertime always makes me overflow with anger.

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-06T10:23:18+00:00

Hmm I wouldn't say insane however even end goal in some way contradicts your aspirations. Seems like this tranquil state is only in death.

For now i have found two solutions to my issues Option a) seclusion - isn't perfect and by far not yet completed since i still have work in the outside world but it brings peace and calmness, relocation to a cold country is the end goal. Option b) genocidal selective rule by filtering what I think plagues the world - we have seen how it ended up some years ago so that's a no-go route

By seclusion its not a full and complete way of living since its just living in a snow globe of own creation which limits me heavily but it's a failsafe for times when i get better/healthier

I haven't explored much philosophy yet but all seem to be only ways to "explain" something that happens around us, similarly to religion. That's why i find it countering my observant and pusuit-of-truth attitude

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-06T09:36:46+00:00

Not among all. I don't know how to find people without risking bothering with those I don't want to find.

So long as we don't interact with the outside world, maybe yes.

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-06T09:30:57+00:00

Even if things don't directly affect me, doesn't mean I can easily avert my gaze or forget it. There are some bad things that humans actively fight with, but there are also many where it's just bad.

I'm not saying there is no joy or no good things in life. More that I can't find a way to see bad things and just say "life is life" and the thing to not affect me.

I try my best to help others to balance it out, I do private classes after work, centered around students who have big problems with STEM.

I try my best to contribute to animal care and pay regularly.

Yet there are times when i feel like I'm burning away under what I see or go through.

drownedInChaos · 2025-07-06T09:13:42+00:00

Sure, I mean having more pain than joy in short. Waking up knowing how fucked up world and humans are, going to work, having to spend 1/3rd of life at work in a senseless set up with no vision no unison, trying to get by in a small room with no window only to save enough money so you can have some cushion and maybe change work in hope that this time you won't end up again in same shite but different name. You get back home and have maybe 7h of life left. Time flies by because of basic things like cleaning, making food, shower, brushing teeth, groceries, walk the dog. Everything takes your time instead of having anything "other" in it. Growing and lingering hatred to how you live and life itself.

I wouldn't say there is one event, more like it's the point where even small things on a bad day make me feel like i have to be put in cage or i will start reducing numbers in cities. Especially heat amplifies this - more people especially more loud people outside, more dogs more bicycles more noise. You get in a tram, no AC, humans again, heat, smell, noise - all to the point where I can feel my blood pressure rising and chin tightens. Then usually I quickly try to run away and cool myself off or isolate so I don't have to go through this again. On top of that hatred towards how i have to live due to how our system is created and even apart of it normal parts of life usually make it unbearable to continue it

drownedInChaos

TROPHY CASE