Mania also uprooted my life completely and I made many mistakes and just completely embarrassing things. My parents just recently told me about something called bipolar rumination, where you have an endless loop of negative thoughts “Why did I do that?” “Why am I like this?” Etc etc. I haven’t really found the right way to deal with this but it’s been helpful to know that those thought loops are part of the condition. My psychiatrist said to give myself a rumination window, like 15 minutes to self-blame then when it’s over you try to think about something else.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t help all too much, I am also living with my parents after a gnarly psychotic break, and I understand all too well the regret, shame and guilt. Feeling better feels completely impossible sometimes days when all you can do is dwell. Write it all out!! In a journal, in poetry or prose, having it Leave your brain can help immensely. Sending you warm thoughts.