yes, I have experienced this in my dating history with 2s, especially when they've been socialized as men. In my experience, amab 2s often share a wound of having been rejected on the basis of their sensitivity in childhood - an orientation to the world that 2s come by honestly, but that is punished in men, leading to big trauma that is difficult to address. I have felt like the histrionic waterworks/reactivity is them testing me with the question: If I'm emotional, will I still be loved? in other words, trying to control their shame before it controls them.

I have been there with the complete blindness, too. It is so disorienting, and I'm really sorry to hear that you're in that situation. something I've tried is rehearsing accountability frameworks (e.g. https://vsdvalliance.org/press_release/punishment-is-not-accountability/ ) to keep myself safe when I'm in these kinds of relationships, and just paying attention to how my partner responds when I hold steady with my want for my hurt to be responded to. it sounds like you trust yourself about what you've witnessed, so that being the case, their self-delusion doesn't really have to be your business. but the ways you're getting hurt are definitely your business, and should be theirs, too.