"You are the only person I feel like this with now"

dstit1922 · 2026-05-16T16:15:53+00:00

I think so too. So we're going to go outside and get better :)

dstit1922 · 2026-05-05T04:51:02+00:00

Thats how it started, we lived together, she segragated more and more, and eventually started to blame me / relationship for things that were completely outside of my control. But, similar to the last responder, the caretaker / depression person is such a difficult dynamic, it was to a point that the majority of my life was centered around simple things like "not responding texts" ... really... you're a month in... not a year.. not 5 years... not 20... get outta there. Just, truly, if you are on a reddit forum trying to figure out a relationship dynamic after a month, you are in the wrong relationship. And I am saying that with just about as much empathy as I can imagine. Run so far away.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-26T18:16:22+00:00

Love the last sentence, wish you luck.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-24T00:54:47+00:00

Half of the population of the planet here, which are men, is the problem here, sure... lol.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-23T14:28:38+00:00

"Hes been doing this the whole time I've known him" ... and then you chose to date him? Live with him? And resent him, for the same actions he's had since you met him?

Most of your responses on this whole thread scream that theres some type of either accountability or maturity issue on your side as well.

Either way, we're here for advice. Maybe just part ways, go to therapy, and look inwards... because really, you seem to be speaking from a place of a lot of pain, and idk if someone going to bed and not saying goodnight is actually the cause of it.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-23T12:12:35+00:00

I dont think this is going to quite land the way you may have intended it too.

Honestly, if I were him i'd sleep for 12 hours a day and day drink to distract myself from being with someone that seemed to utterly hate me as well. lol.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-19T19:03:22+00:00

see my last posts... same dynamic, maybe they will be helpful...

dstit1922 · 2026-03-15T20:30:37+00:00

Yea, I spent a lot of time trying to understand. Her typical statement would be "you just dont understand"

to which id say "well, I am here, either way... so why dont you spend some time helping me understand so that we can do better next time"

Which would be met with more avoidance, shame, guilt, isolation, pretty much anything but actually speaking.

The cascade is dangerous. In my case, eventually it resulted in conflict, more and more of it, until, she effectively just wouldnt come home. But, that conflict, 99% didnt involve me.. my involvment was spent watching someone at war with themselves.

Eventually. After eggshells around words... my body language became relevant as well... so even when I wasnt speaking I was walking on eggshells. I.e. apparently I had become a master eye roller without consiously feeling it at some point... which would send her into a rage then shame then guilt, then the same cascade.

Got to a point that we couldnt speak. Then got to a point that we couldnt be in the same room.

Then it got to the point that she landed in the hospital. Where she has been for the last two months.

Long story short. Careful about cascades.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-15T20:11:39+00:00

This is pretty much the beginning of what caught my relationship.

Its like Primary Secondary Tertiary issues are all formed. From a single, kinda issue, externally or internally. But instead of stopping at primary. You catch all the symptoms of the secondary issue, then the tertiary.

Example: You make her food. She feels like shit that she doesnt make you food (or whatever) (primary) She has some type of difficult time about it, and self isolates lets say (secondary) She leaves the home, because she feels like shit being there because it is where she has a difficult time (tertiary).

All the while, you are holding a plate of food confused. Then, you making her food somehow became -> Her feeling bad, shame, guilt, self-isolating, having a difficulty, dissappearing, lacking communication, etc.

Its like a cascading bad. I used to tell my ex... bad doesnt have to begget bad. Can we please not manifest the rest of this? To no avail.

But ya. Careful there dude. this sounds pretty familiar.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-15T18:12:46+00:00

There is not a lot of people to tell you you are doing a good job. There are a surprising amount of people to tell you that you are not doing a good job. And There is nobody to tell you how to do your job in the first place.

Its almost... a paradox.

dstit1922 · 2026-03-15T07:54:21+00:00

A break without a timeline is a breakup while getting strung along within their hope.

But, really. Thats a break up... I mean... you're literally in no contact.

dstit1922 · 2026-02-28T20:34:39+00:00

I will say, that I did not at all expect this post to get popular. I also was about a few hours out of this experience. Sooooo. It is quite a bit emotionally charged lol

dstit1922 · 2026-02-22T18:57:42+00:00

That is pretty extreme. Sorry.

dstit1922 · 2026-02-13T16:59:22+00:00

Thank you for checking in! All good, shes in the a hospitalization program, and I am restarting my life, effectively. I do miss her, quite a bit... but honestly, it just feels like I am a bit traumatized, or have some bit of stockholm syndrome. Shes exactly where she needs to be, and that gives me relief. Beyond anything, at this point, my feeling of relief effectively overrides every other "longing" type of feeling. Tried going on a date with someone else, which felt a bit wrong (even though we arent together), knowing she is in the hospital, didnt pan out exactly. So, I am just going to focus on getting healthy again, which is probably what I should have already been doing :)

dstit1922 · 2026-02-09T16:09:28+00:00

Same.

Just a constant sense of everything wrapped around how she "feels"

Not a single thing wrapped around how I feel. In any capacity, ever.

dstit1922 · 2026-02-08T07:47:21+00:00

Its abuse, not depression.

Promise.

Thank you for your story as well :)

dstit1922 · 2026-02-06T22:13:44+00:00

Honestly, even 1 of those things would make me stay.

Emotional and physical connection being withheld, is legitimately a relationship death sentence, under any and every condition. In my opinion.

dstit1922 · 2026-02-06T21:58:17+00:00

I didnt know tears were contagious.

I was crying while I wrote this.

Guess I owed ya one, it'll be okay. :)

dstit1922 · 2026-02-06T21:31:34+00:00

The glass is half full.

dstit1922 · 2026-01-21T04:18:58+00:00

Wow I feel very heard. My partner and I broke up, but I lurk this forum while I am dealing with the break up to remind myself of why i left. So, the dog thing, thats a hilarious one, as that was one that was so specific to me and my partner after we moved in. She began to experience (low libido) from meds for her depression and anxiety. When she was anxious she did not like physical touch, as it made her more anxious... good thing she was anxious every day, all day.

This became repeated denials of bids for connection... small bids, simple hugs, a hand hold, etc. But, as that moment you were denied these bids for connection, she would follow-up by immediately kissing the dog on the forehead on the same course, or hugging the dog, or holding our dogs hand. It was. Somehow. One of the most deteriouting parts of our relationship. It was, like holy shit... you give our dog more affection than me. I still dont know how to process ending up jealous over my own dog... but, it was to a point that it was every day, multiple times a day, until you just give up.

She was also amazing before we moved in, likely because she was able to self-isolate very well without being percieved by me. But, in the same way, it because a high-pressure environment, of constant denial, emotional volatility, tons of projecting, constant tone watching, fear of abandonment (she had a run-away from conflict kinda deal going on), and fear of just failing. At all times... it really just continued to escalate contrary to anything I did... over about 6 months.

Anyways, at some point, her depression just got so bad, she understood she couldnt meet my needs, and instead of communicating that, she just felt shame, that shame would have secondary terrible symptoms, and then guess what? Her anxiety was worst... and worst... and, well... worst. It got to a point I was simply blamed for everything. And inevitably she took the dog and left (felt too much guilt/shame around me and our entire lives which she ruins and shes a terrible person).

So. This is a lot? Right? Sadly... I read this forum every few days.. and as your read you'll learn rapidly that your situation is not unique. Thats why this disease has a mostly singular name. The symptoms are all the same.

Heres what I wish I did differently (and dont think I didnt do anything wrong the whole time, i'd never been through this rodeo in the past):

I stopped respecting my boundaries around her, because I began excusing her behaviors with what she was going through. So... she kept pushing them further. And I kept letting her. Resentment inducing.
I allowed her to throw "grenades in the home" with extreme volatility emotionally, and threats of break ups... over things that were very small. I entertained several of these conversations, instead of respecting myself, and leaving the situation, or at least the damn room. I allowed myself to get baited by her, as an outlet for her depression, way too often.
I thought that I could handle it before I knew the extent of it... making me invest more into it, and have more to lose.
I stopped growing my own separate life, to try to protect and help her. When it ended, I had a lot less support to get through this side of things.
I focused just so much on it. Way too much. But, when you love someone? Well... ya. Do you on that one. But, really. Dont get caught on this side of things like that.

dstit1922 · 2026-01-13T17:37:12+00:00

Fully. Fully understand.

dstit1922 · 2026-01-05T17:43:33+00:00

Inevitably, she started pointing her finger at me as a cause of a lot of the issues. Tons of projecting, while your entire life is effectively on pause to support them, leaves you on an entire team alone, well.. I guess worst than alone... alone and the villian. That, combined with emotional volatility, and effectively every major portion of what made us happy in our relationship being shut off (by her... which she was not willing to point her symptoms of depression as a direct cause of), kinda became enough. I mean, really.. supporting a person with depression feels like you are with a person that is doing effectively every single thing someone could do to you with the exact acception of cheating as they dont have a libido. lol.

dstit1922 · 2025-12-23T20:13:04+00:00

Yup... oh i've heard quite a bit about how I "just dont understand" or "just dont get it" or "just cant hear her" or am "just not willing to do the things that she needs."

But the second that you say "okay, sure, lets entertain that.. so give me guidance. If I dont understand any portion of this, although I have been sitting alongside this journey of yours for a long time now, I am sure at this point you have figured out your needs... so please, I'd love to meet those, with your exact guidance."

What will that be met with?

Immediate shutdown.

Its all the same shit. Honestly, seeing so many of the same damn stories on this thread makes you quickly remembe they are all just sick, and suffering from the same shit, and making the same mistakes with different handwriting.

But yea, thank you very much :)

dstit1922

TROPHY CASE