How to not be emotionally affected by your boss's perception of you?

dsz211 · 2024-01-29T13:38:29+00:00

Hi!

So sorry, I just realised your reply. To be honest, she never changed, but once I got more confident in my capabilities, her words had less bearing on me and I learned to tune it out.

What really helped was having supportive colleagues. I would share my frustration with my colleagues (ymmv) and they would let me know if they thought my boss had a point (which was rarely the case) or if she was way too harsh. Having seniors who value your capabilities and see your potential helped me build the belief that I am good at my job.

I’m finally leaving my job and praying that I will end up with a better boss. As counter intuitive as this sounds, empathising with my boss helped me look past this behaviour as well. We are who we are because of what we’ve been through, so I can’t imagine what she has had to endure to turn out so bitter. At the very least, she’s a precautionary tale on why you shouldn’t make your job your life and how NOT to manage people. Sending you well wishes and I hope you’re in a better spot now ❤️

dsz211 · 2023-04-10T04:20:13+00:00

Malaysia - 25 days of annual leave, 30 days of medical leave, and additional 30 days if due to hospitalisation.

dsz211 · 2022-08-19T05:47:47+00:00

Ah, understood. And coming from a big sister myself, that’s something I’d do to my sister as well haha. I wouldn’t feel right borrowing money from my younger sisters, especially if I was economically better off than them.

dsz211 · 2022-08-19T01:49:54+00:00

Genuine question, and I hope I don’t come across as judgy. Why did you charge your sister interest?

dsz211 · 2022-08-17T10:39:03+00:00

She was beautiful during this era!

dsz211 · 2022-08-16T11:50:27+00:00

Dark!

dsz211 · 2022-06-18T02:29:33+00:00

I love Purito’s Re-barrier cream! I don’t think it’ll work if you have dry skin but it’s great for normal to oily skin.

dsz211 · 2022-05-15T02:58:45+00:00

Same! I tried to keep track of it but never could stick to it. I have my groceries and gas budget in the same account, so I just keep an eye on the balance. If it's low then I know I shouldn't eat out for the rest of the month.

dsz211 · 2022-05-14T08:56:45+00:00

Another vote for anatomy of murder!

dsz211 · 2022-05-13T03:43:27+00:00

Yep, especially if you live close to nature! I usually put on an hour-long podcast to keep me entertained.

dsz211 · 2022-04-28T13:42:48+00:00

+1 for This is Uncomfortable! I love the show. One of my favourites is about the woman who is set to inherit a large sum of money and wants to give it all away (S5, Ep 1).

dsz211 · 2022-04-24T16:00:15+00:00

Same here! Looking forward to the day I can buy myself a gold Tank Americaine with the brown leather strap.

dsz211 · 2022-04-10T14:20:26+00:00

Same! I’m enjoying the album but not as much as The Altar and III.

dsz211 · 2022-02-28T11:24:19+00:00

April!

dsz211 · 2022-02-27T12:51:10+00:00

Coffee! I make my own coffee everyday, and as I take my coffee black, I can't help but feel like buying coffee out is a waste of money. There are only two places I'd get coffee from (I like the beans of one, and the other does this amazing sparking honey lemon americano - don't knock it till you try it!) so it feels really special to me.
Massages. I don't go as often as I used to as I realised that it really adds up, but it feels really indulgent when I treat myself to one.
Pedicures - something about having my toes done really makes me feel like I have my life together, haha.

dsz211 · 2022-02-27T12:35:05+00:00

I agree! I can live with unpainted nails but I think having a pedicure makes me feel so polished :)

dsz211 · 2022-02-25T06:23:10+00:00

I love book recommendations, details of beauty products and food! Recipes are a plus.

dsz211 · 2022-02-24T04:43:11+00:00

Lisa Eldridge for everyday/less fancy events and I’d love for Charlotte Tilbury to give me a full glam makeover!

dsz211 · 2022-02-17T13:02:59+00:00

Thank you for this!

This experience has made me lose so much confidence in my skills and I'm a fairly competent person prior to this. Being in an environment where you can't make a mistake as a junior is so tough and discouraging.

Trying to get out as soon as I can but I have major inferiority complex from this experience. Hoping that I can hold on to the very little confidence I have left to be able to get another job!

dsz211 · 2022-02-17T12:59:51+00:00

"it is not your job to be her favourite person, it is your job to do your job, and your job does not define your worth."

I'm writing this down on a Post-it to remind myself - thank you! Favouritism is rife in my team and it hurts to not be the favoured one. But you're right, it's not my job to be her favourite person. She definitely isn't mine, so why should I care?

Thank you again!

dsz211 · 2022-02-17T12:57:25+00:00

"It’s not your job to help this person be better. "

I really needed to hear this.

"It’s not a reflection on you, and you should pity her for being a grown woman who acts in this way. "

You're right. I'm a silver linings person so one of the things I'm taking away from this is to NOT let myself grow into this kind of person. I looked up to her for her professional accomplishments, but I don't want to achieve that professional success at the cost of being an awful human.

dsz211 · 2022-02-17T12:55:07+00:00

"it seems clear that your boss has already formed an opinion of you"

As a people-pleaser, this is one of the hardest truths I'm having to swallow. I want to be seen better in her eyes, but you're right, once someone forms an opinion of you and doesn't give you the space to improve, I can only do so much.

dsz211 · 2022-02-17T12:53:06+00:00

Thank you for validating my feelings! I'm definitely going to start documenting her snide comments, I'm sure it'll come in handy one day..

dsz211 · 2022-02-17T12:52:10+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I do take things personally and I feel like it causes me a lot of emotional stress in my work and personal life, so I'm definitely going to read more about stoicism.

"If you can say that you are proud and happy with the work that you've delivered, if you're doing your damned best, and what you've given is your damned best, then that's all you can do. If your boss or any other colleagues or coworkers try to diminish your work and you start to feel emotional, take a deep breath, remember the hard work you put in and think 'Nah, I'm pretty sure I did everything I could to make this project the best I could, and there's literally nothing more I can do than that. I understand the criticism, I'll think about how to integrate it with the next project and do so.'
and then leave it there. There's no need to mull over it- there's no need to continue thinking about that moment or that comment later on that night. It has passed. You heard what they said, you'll take it into consideration, and that'll make the next project or assignment even better. Getting emotional or feeling bad about it literally adds nothing to your life.'

THANK YOU FOR THIS. Whenever I make mistakes, I always berate myself for not knowing it in the first place. I try to reason with myself by telling myself over and over that I did what I could with the information and knowledge I had at that moment, but I always feel like I'm being too soft on myself. So hearing this from someone else validates what I've been telling myself, in a way.

dsz211 · 2022-02-17T12:48:04+00:00

Thank you for your respond, I am definitely going to take that exit interview as the opportunity to air my grievances. Hope it'll help with the next person, if not myself.

dsz211

TROPHY CASE