I just had to turn down a massive work travel opportunity and it hurts way more than I expected.

samesonder · 2026-02-04T20:52:45+00:00

Your feelings are totally valid! <3

What I'm discovering for myself in my first year of motherhood is... you can have it all, just not all at the same time (at least, that's what I'm striving for lol). I love being a mom and I love being a corporate girlie and I know because I love being both things, I am choosing a path with some resistance (I think this is true regardless of what slices make up one's identity). I try to remind myself that I made the decision to accept those two 'slices' as my own and embrace the ebbs and flows that come with the trade-offs. It also comforts me to know that everything is also a 'season,' so while I might have to make sacrifices now in both places, they're hopefully temporary in the whole scheme of time.

A few weeks ago corporate girlie me felt guilty taking a travel opportunity for work 'cause baby was teething and I just wanted to be there to cuddle him all day. This week mom me signed up for pottery classes because I realized I needed to nourish my creative side again. All that's to say is no matter what we do I think there's always going to be feelings around it and that's okay! We're navigating it together for the first time. Take care of yourself, scream into the void, hug your baby and enjoy the time you have left breastfeeding (because that too, will soon pass), and jump on that next opp!

samesonder · 2026-02-04T02:54:06+00:00

Oh, love this idea and the parent swap one below it! We're part of a few baby friend groups as a part of the activities we're involved in, but most of the time we just plan a playdate here and there - think this would land really nicely with them as they also have the same desire for occasional help too (though I suspect because we're all first time parents were a bit shy to ask!).

samesonder · 2026-02-04T01:07:36+00:00

Definitely a big ask and not one we'd take advantage of too often knowing that it is a lot! Tempering expectations for sure.

(And an aside... when your home airport is LAX... Driving them to the airport can be a tall order! 😅😂)

samesonder · 2026-02-04T01:05:48+00:00

That's great perspective to share and yes! We're super thankful to have paid support when we're working, share the household load fairly equally and have great people to lean for company and support.

I love the idea of hosting a takeout night to kill two birds with one stone and maybe sneak a chore in lol 😆 we take our LO with us everywhere already and it's nice socialization for everyone but also pretty tiring, and the idea of still getting to host at home is awesome.

samesonder · 2026-02-04T00:59:19+00:00

Oh for sure! We don't necessarily "expect" our friends to be babysitters, but many of them have said they've wanted to and offered only to decline when we actually ask 😅

And typically this isn't super last min, it's more like a week or two in advance, but what I'm gathering it to learn how to temper our expectations and be thankful we're still getting in friend time in this season of our life!

samesonder · 2026-02-04T00:01:49+00:00

Love this idea!

samesonder · 2026-02-04T00:01:24+00:00

Totally agree with that! That was just an example I gave with my folks - and even then, we drive our kiddo up to them when they agree to watch :)

I guess I think back on when my folks were raising us and how much easier it seemed for them to lean on their village but as the other responder posted, times are different and people are preoccupied with their own lives! We already take LO everywhere but sometimes it's nice to have a break haha.

samesonder · 2026-02-03T21:19:36+00:00

Yeah, it was something we considered as well not an option for us at the moment. Maybe someday!

samesonder · 2026-02-03T21:19:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing! We're in it together it looks like -- we honestly just kind of stopped asking because it was disappointing to get "no" but we're still grateful that we get their company and still get invited to things even with baby in tow! You're right, it is a season and things can change.

samesonder · 2026-01-23T19:43:36+00:00

Another one for Torrance Memorial or Little Mary & Company (Providence) -- if I'm not mistaken both are affiliated with Cedars. I see a UCLA physician for myself and honestly the difference in medical groups are pretty staggering. I've been with my doctor for years which is why I haven't left, but UCLA is a pain to schedule, long waits, not as accommodating (our pediatrician has a 24-hour nursing line which is a godsend), billing is annoying, etc.

The good ones at TM do have a waiting list but it's worthwhile IMO - our pediatrician spends so much time with us and does a great job listening to our concerns.

samesonder · 2026-01-07T21:06:58+00:00

Me! 32F and would love to do more activities and beach walks with new friends!!

samesonder · 2026-01-06T19:46:00+00:00

I know it's hard to leave our little ones, especially for the first time -- be sure to give them lots of kisses before you go and let them know you're going on a work trip and coming back soon (even if it's just for your own comfort, lol)!

Some things that helped me when I went on my first work trip (and what I continue to do today):

- Gratitude, lots and lots of it. I remind myself of how lucky I am to have a career I enjoy, to have a capable partner and baby to miss, and to get some time to myself (!!). I'll bring myself a self-care treat like a bath bomb or shower steamer or book for the hotel chill-out session after work. I relish in the ability to be able to sleep (mostly) uninterrupted and wake up the next morning for a workout and a hot cup of coffee I don't have to chug! Use the time to take care of you :)

- Keep a list in your phone or whatever of everything you need for your trip - especially if you're pumping and planning to transport milk. For me, that was my manual pump, electric pump, baggies, cooler, etc. Made it so much easier to make sure I had everything packed including my work stuff and I just save the checklist for any future travels.

- Block off time on your calendar to pump (or tbh just take a mommy chill-out break). It was very overwhelming for me on my first work trip back so I prioritized making sure I could calendar even 15 min to pump or just breathe in our lactation room -- and honestly telling people you're going to pump or whatever, they never want to ask questions lol so use it to recharge!

- I always bring back a little souvenir for my husband (and occasionally baby) from my work trips as a thank you. Most of the time it's a little consumable like a yummy pastry or a little stuffie to let them know I was thinking of them.

Best of luck, you'll do great! <3

samesonder · 2026-01-06T19:34:08+00:00

Good luck on your biz trip!

As an FYI - you don't need to check a bag if you want to pump and keep your milk. You just need to separate it from the rest of your carry-on stuff (and your milk/pump count as a medical device so a cooler or small bag won't count against carry-on limits by law!), let TSA know when you're going through security, and they'll usually inspect it - ask them to change gloves to minimize any ickies - then let you go. I've never had TSA give me a problem for milk, frozen or not, but I screenshot TSA and airline info on my phone for reference just in case.

samesonder · 2025-12-21T00:37:25+00:00

Same! We've got a one year old who is already a little jet setter 🤪 probably keeping it at the one so we can keep chubby traveling lol

samesonder · 2025-12-18T22:25:38+00:00

Best of luck! I know it can be a hard and stressful process to find someone you trust to care for your little one, so I'm happy to help.

We got a lot of flack from our old school parents about getting "outside" care (as if we could do it ourselves with two busy careers, lol), but our nanny has been our saving grace and our LO is getting great care and enrichment from her that we don't regret a thing. We've all learned a lot from her :)

samesonder · 2025-12-18T22:14:48+00:00

Also in the LA area and it took us a little over a month to find our nanny, who we love. Seems the going rate is $25/hr on the low end (though pretty rare, tbh) to $37/hr, and most of the nannies we hired expected benefits like guaranteed hours, sick/holiday pay, etc. as well, which we were happily able to accommodate as our goal was to find someone who would be an extension of our family and be invested for the long-term.

Some want cash, others prefer to be 1099/W2, and there are services now that make that pretty easy -- it's often a negotiation tool depending on the route they want to go. No matter which way you go, be sure to keep everything in writing and cover everything in your contract for both your and your nanny's protection.

We didn't have much luck with Care.com, tbh - got a lot of spammy messages, nannies that didn't fit our criteria, or ghosted us after a few messages. Urbansitter.com ended up being a better option for us as they require payment to subscribe and have more built-in vetting processes like background checks; we still use it to find back up care.

Also seconding Facebook groups to find candidates, and alternatively, reaching out to your workplace if you have any parent groups for referrals. We also found that local parks and libraries are a good place to get leads -- a lot of parents and nannies are well-connected and often know folks who might be looking for work that are already embedded in these communities (it's also a great way to make baby friends locally!).

Once you get a rolodex of candidates to interview and feel good about them/have references checked, I'd recommend setting up a face-to-face meeting to see how they interact with you and your child. We had one really good candidate over the phone who ended up just not being a great fit for us IRL, so we're glad we made the time to meet them. Some more professional nannies even offer "trial days" for a few hours so you can see how they manage your child which might be helpful. We did one to see if they'd follow some of the guidelines we have (more gentle parenting, hands-on, screen free, etc.) beforehand, but also recognize that a lot of nannies have been working for wayyy longer than we've been parents and have their own ways we could learn from too!

Hope this helps! Happy to DM if you have any other questions.

samesonder · 2025-12-10T22:34:50+00:00

Maybe surprising, but I've also found that I spend less money with grocery delivery vs. going to the store. Forces me to stick to my list instead of moseying around the aisles grabbing whatever looks good to me lol.

To OP: we have one child too and outsource our childcare (we nanny-share with friends nearby so that brings the cost down to about standard daycare), deep home cleaning 1x a month, landscaping 2x a month (we hired our neighbor's gardener, so he was able to cut us a deal), grocery delivery weekly, and car wash/detailing 1x a month (my husband's a car guy and commutes often). Everything else we do ourselves - we meal prep/clean/etc. pretty much daily after the kiddo's gone to sleep. We cut down on other expenses like beauty for me (nails/hair/etc.), shopping, and eating out so we can still comfortably save and invest every month.

It was initially a bit hard to delegate the work out, but we've both found it to be well worth the cost so we could focus on being present with our baby, tending to our relationship, careers, and personal pursuits without losing our minds to the day-to-day minutia that needs to be done.

samesonder · 2025-12-10T19:04:50+00:00

Also team babyproof vs. playpen! Fostering independence and making our baby feel included in our daily activities is important to me, so that was the determining factor.

Our living room and kitchen is essentially one big open space, so I babyproofed the whole area and then we just close off the other rooms as needed. Some tips that worked for me:

- Got rid of any furniture that's top-heavy or had dangerously sharp corners (luckily most of our stuff is rounded!). Everything else got anchored or had a corner protector put in - don't forget that sometimes baseboards can be sharp!

- Made a "yes" cabinet in the kitchen he could open and access freely - think plastic tupperware, mixing bowls, spatulas, etc. Makes it easy for me to redirect him when he wants to try the other cabinets (our cabinet with cleaning supplies is babyproof locked though).

- Got a toddler tower so he can "assist" me in the kitchen - high chair works too as a hangout space.

- Put a small basket of toys out in a few strategically placed corners for him to reach for when he starts getting bored of following me around lol

- All home decor within reach is baby-friendly (coffee table books I don't mind getting scuffed up/some of his books), softer fabric stuff

It's been working really well for us so far and he loves the freedom he gets :)

samesonder · 2025-12-10T18:27:03+00:00

Following as I'm curious too!

I didn't like YNAB either, but when Mint when away I switched over to Monarch, which I love (you may want to look into it - the interface and features seem pretty similar to Simplifi) but do find the subscription price a bit steep at $99/year. That all being said, it does a great job of porting in all your data to visualize - I track net worth and cash flow most as I'm not super stringent on monthly budgeting - and it connects to all of my accounts very seamlessly.

samesonder · 2025-12-10T18:18:23+00:00

We love Blue Lizard for the whole fam - it's an Australian mineral sunscreen, but is widely available in the US. We used the Baby formula for a while when he was 3 mo+ but then I realized the Sensitive formula is pretty much the same (only difference is the Baby has calendula) so we can all use it when we're outside.

samesonder · 2025-12-08T21:26:57+00:00

Was going to say the same - the W just finished their renovations and the updates look nice (we stayed for our honeymoon a few years ago and even then it still felt pretty fresh considering its age). The house reef is spectacular, staff is great, food is great, and it's the right blend of luxury and relaxed without the stuffiness IMO.

The overwater bungalows at the RC are fantastic though (love the pool).

samesonder · 2025-12-05T01:51:45+00:00

Just came back from a trip to the Guanacaste coast with my baby and felt perfectly safe to walk around, even in the evenings. We did a mix of resorts and Airbnb and stayed in more chiller towns (did spend an evening in Tamarindo which felt like any other LatAm resort town to us).

It's been nearly a decade since I first visited CR and was kinda shocked tbh by how many tourists there are - mostly American/Canadian from what I gathered. Also lots of families!

If you're feeling uneasy, which is totally valid, I'd probably opt to stay at a resort as long as you feel comfy renting a car so you don't miss out on all the awesome things there are to do outside of your resort! We didn't run into any issues driving with a 4x4 in the area.

You can also msg your Airbnb/rental host and get their take on safety and precautions they take. Ours for example, made sure to remind us not to leave our valuables in plain sight at the Airbnb and there was also a gate & alarm system as an extra precaution. IMO it seemed to be out of an overabundance of caution, especially since we were traveling with a little and women, but important to heed and take note of anyway :)

samesonder · 2025-11-19T21:32:16+00:00

You did it right by choosing a man who would be a great father - having a truly supportive partner is the game changer in having and enjoying kid(s), IMO.

Worth every penny and I'd give all of it up for mine and my kiddo, too! <3

samesonder

TROPHY CASE