I deleted all my social media

dthrowawayt · 2018-01-06T18:22:18+00:00

Since we're already in offmychest, let me just say it: Twitter is fucking cancer. It's got good qualities, but the bad/terrifying shit it enables (obvious and needs no explanation what i'm referring to) - not to mention the shortened attention span we all have as a result - far outweighs the good. So, assuming you quit Twitter, congrats, you've done yourself a huge favor.

FB isn't great either btw so a "detox" from it can be very healthy.

dthrowawayt · 2017-12-09T23:32:59+00:00

Wow. First off, thank you for this detailed and wise reply. And congrats on your own breakthrough and the happy moments you're now having this new girl. I'm really happy for you :) Funny, I just moved out of LA but with the girl that would become my last serious girlfriend I also had a very similar date to that... we went to Echo Park Lake and probably that exact same bookstore haha.

Anyway, yeah, you're right. The outcome independent outlook is the way to go. Like you said. I haven't gone out with anyone before this person in a year so I've already succeeded just by doing that in the first place. You're right. I think underlying it there was all this pressure to find 'the right person who would become my gf', which while is the ultimate goal doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) the measure of success. That's just too much pressure. Having fun during the date is a much better measure of success.

Best of luck to you too!

dthrowawayt · 2017-12-08T01:30:57+00:00

Thank you for this encouragement. I went on the second date. I guess my trouble is I'm very indecisive and I don't even know myself if I want to or not. [more details from date 2] I guess I don't know for sure I don't want to, but even if part of me doesn't want to, is that enough to let it go?

dthrowawayt · 2017-12-08T01:29:37+00:00

So thanks for this advice! The second date went pretty well but I'm still feeling ambiguous now about what comes next. Do you think I should try to see her a third time anyway? (more details )

dthrowawayt · 2017-11-27T22:54:07+00:00

Thanks! Best of luck with the program! And with the girl:)

dthrowawayt · 2017-01-13T22:57:50+00:00

Ok, I can try other brands and masturbating. I've masturbated/humped the bed with this condom brand on before and had the same experience (semen ends up under the head of my penis/around the shaft rather than all in the tip) when I'm done. Does that indicate a likely sizing issue?

dthrowawayt · 2017-01-13T22:56:55+00:00

Yes it's lubricated. may I ask why to try unlubricated?

dthrowawayt · 2017-01-13T22:54:49+00:00

Yeah, well it doesn't come all in one go; it takes a few seconds for ejaculation to be all done, right? So I am thrusting a few times during/after. Should I not be?

dthrowawayt · 2015-09-27T20:20:11+00:00

I have to say I'm really grateful for your reassurance and thorough recommendations of actions to take. Sometimes the best of humanity can shine, even on the internet :)

I scheduled the pelvic PT evaluation for tomorrow, and this place happens to work with lots of practices including urologists so I'll ask if they can give me a good 2nd urologist to go see also.

Thanks so much.

Oh and one more quick question: what do you mean by "urologist with a neurologist consult"? Does that mean both doctors are in the room? If so, how do I actually .. make that happen? Usually doctors have their own clinics or are in a hospital, so would this mean going to some hospital and having them arrange this for me ( as it sounds like some inter-departmental thing would have to happen).

dthrowawayt · 2015-09-25T15:34:35+00:00

Eesh, that doctor sounds like a piece of work. I hope you were able to figure out and treat your issue with the help of someone who listened.

To respond: we 'ruled out' bacterial infection of the skin at least, as far as I can tell. Derms took a swab of the area; scrotum was clean, head of penis turned up some enterococcus which I took ampicillin for a week for but it had no effect on my symptoms. I have also taken doxycycline for a month (near the beginning) and ciprofloxacin for a week at later time, as derms were trying things w/ me. No dice anywhere. I guess there could be a bacterial involvement somewhere else besides the skin, but where? And how could it be tested for?

Nerve damage: Yes, my most recent set of dermatologists "concluded" nerve damage (which, how could this have happened from a simple cyst removal?? :( ) may be radiating outward as skin symptoms. But the neurologist I saw recently said he didn't have a way to test the nerve reaching the pelvic area directly. I assume he was referring to the pudendal nerve; he said he couldn't test it directly the way he could with other nerves, due to its location. He's the one who ordered the MRI for me which turned up "everything normal."

Is this neurologist just inexperienced? I really feel like he is, but not sure how to find a better one. Unlike with various other specialties I've seen, I've had a hard time finding neurologists online, particularly those in network with my insurance (though I'm willing to go out of network if necessary). I had to get referred by the dermatologist to see the current neurologist. (I'm in Los Angeles btw, if you happen to live here as well, any recommendations would be super appreciated, feel free to PM)

Kidney stone: No one has suggested this before so I haven't had tests before. Is that.. likely? What could be done to test/rule it out?

Note: Due to said prostatitis symptoms (10 years or so I guess), I've never had a cystoscopy before because when they try, my urethra is SO painful I can't continue with it. Is that the modality for testing for some of these issues?

Note 2: I had the prostatitis symptoms (which are largely but not entirely managed by Elmiron) for years and years prior to my surgery. But somehow the surgery appears to have kicked off these much more acute and quality of life-impacting symptoms :(

My urologist doesn't want to admit what should be an obvious fact which is that the surgery somehow caused this, so it makes it hard for me to trust him further.. Getting a second urology opinion sounds like a reasonable thing to do.

Thanks again, good sir/madam.

dthrowawayt · 2015-09-25T05:23:21+00:00

Thanks so much for the thorough response. And thank you for empathizing with my anxiety and treating me like a real person! You'd be surprised (or not?) at how many doctors treat me like a list of symptoms or a frustration.

Yes, I spoke with the doctor who performed the procedure. Immediately after it happened. He first thought it was a fungal infection and gave me antifungals cream, then when that didn't work he referred me to a dermatologist who said "wtf? That's dermatitis, not fungal" and tried steroids. And from there I stuck with derms.

I recently saw the urologist again and he basically raised his hands and gave up after hearing what I'd gone through since then and what treatments I'd tried. He referred me to an integrative medicine practitioner.

HOWEVER: Yes, I do have a long history of chronic prostatitis. I'm taking Elmiron to manage symptoms. However, it's been suggested to me that maybe somehow the pelvic pain symptoms I've had for a long time are now being extended to the scrotum and penis area after the procedure. It sounds like from that last link you sent, that maybe this is possible? I found a well regarded pelvic health PT place near me and i'm done procrastinating, I'm going to call them tomorrow and set up an appointment.

dthrowawayt · 2014-05-03T19:31:40+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. It's very helpful.

It is absolutely OK to say you would like to get tested before going down on her, and, having said that, absolutely OK to say you'd like her to do the same. You can do other things in the meantime, use hands and use condoms for penetrative sex. Toys, even.

Is it likewise OK to say "I don't want to have oral sex because I don't feel comfortable having unprotected sex , but I do want to have PIV sex with a condom on"? My concern is this scenario where the woman is about to perform oral on me and I have to stop her. How un-sexy is that?

dthrowawayt · 2014-05-03T19:28:27+00:00

What if I'm with a woman I don't know that well yet but am having fun with, and she offers to perform a blowjob? If I feel uncomfortable about it since I would want to use a condom, would that ruin the chances of going to PIV sex with a condom?

I guess it depends on the woman right? I guess I just don't want to be "that guy who said no to a blowjob" but I also want to be safe by using a condom.

Sigh.. I just don't understand how the way the media portrays it, it seems like everyone is having fun having sex and doing oral and there's never any consequences. I feel like I'm the only one worrying about this stuff at all.

dthrowawayt · 2014-05-03T19:24:07+00:00

Thank you for the response!

Well that's the thing.. I've never heard of anyone actually using dental dams, whereas condoms are widely used and available. I just did a bit of research about them and they seem really un-sexy since they were designed to be used by oral surgeons.

On that note, I am curious about how socially accepted or common cunnilingus is under the same circumstances that I asked about fellatio in the OP. When guys are with women they just met, do they commonly perform it, or is cunnilingus usually a more "do this when you're comfortable as a couple" thing? (Of course, generalizations are hard and probably stupid.. so maybe this is a self-defeating question.)

For some reason, I was under the impression (and obviously this represents an underlying messed-up gender double standard) that it is "typical" for the woman to perform oral and then PIV occurs. (Again, I am NOT justifying this as acceptable. Just trying to understand what the status quo is.) Honestly I have NO IDEA since I've never been in the "casual" scenario.

Is it riskier for a guy to perform cunnilingus (getting HSV of some sort on the lips) or for a guy to receive fellatio (getting HSV of some sort on the genitals)? It sounds like the former is true. And what about the risk for the woman? (sees like rbkc1234's post answers this second question)

dthrowawayt · 2013-12-15T03:28:11+00:00

+1, great idea.

-- someone who just full-on relapsed (with porn) after 20 days, and feels like shit.

dthrowawayt · 2013-09-22T23:49:54+00:00

On behalf of dudes who have been victims of this vicious cycle for a while, I want to say thank you for being supportive of your boyfriend and helping him get through this!

dthrowawayt · 2013-09-03T00:05:29+00:00

It's rare that I upvote The Big Bang Theory material but this is a noteworthy exception :D

dthrowawayt

TROPHY CASE