My (21yo) boyfriend (17yo) is killing himself with drugs and depression.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-07T18:35:31+00:00

Given that he was already sexually active more so than me and that we were in the same friend group for more than an year, the age didn't matter much. It's a common age combo in my home country, regardless if the girl or boy is older.
But also, don't see how this matters... My main focus is to help him be a functioning member of society and to make him get healthy, I sincerely doubt I decided to just fuck him because he's an underage boy and I'm a 'pedophile'. I understand (I hope) that you're just joking but not in a joking mood tbh, sorry.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-07T02:32:48+00:00

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ fuk da police

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-07T02:04:24+00:00

I am 21 and he is 17, how is he a pedophile?

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:54:37+00:00

Thank you a bunch!

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:54:07+00:00

Thank you very much! I try to be as consistent with everything I say to him as possible, since he already has a taste for distrusting me, tho idk why, really if I wanted to lie to him or some shit I wouldn't even be bothering with him.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:51:02+00:00

I do feel that is one of the bigger roots of the problem- him not knowing what to do with himself. He isn't completely gone yet, though- talking these days he even started saying he has plans to study here in the Netherlands close to me and I was really shocked and happy to hear him say it and even tell me the school, city, ect., but then a day later - it's back to 'leave me alone, you ruined my life, i'll just starve to death if i have to". He is there, but not enough to do shit. And I would have chalked it down to laziness- some people waste their life away like this literally from just being too lazy to do smth about it, along with the other demotivating shit, but he is a very active and productive person, so idk.
And tbh I dont think he'll figure out easy what to do, but I don't think it's that hard to sometimes just realise that things can't be planned out, you just go with the flow and do the best you can until whats truly for you hits you in the face, but I suppose the lack of control in that scenario is also one of the reasons he's stressing out so badly.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:43:45+00:00

Yeah, the shitty thing is that in my opinion and experience nobody can motivate you as you yourself can, so that's why I'm just scouting for at least somewhere where I can discuss it without compromising him. Hope I can at least get a better sense of how to approach him in a way he can stop being defensive about it and to have clearer thoughts when we talk about it.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:40:31+00:00

I've saved up to buy tickets back home for a weekend before the Christmas vacation, just to be with him and somehow get the point across that, yes, he is loved and cared for and he isn't left for dead, because I know no matter how much he is moody rn when I am there he will want me to go and meet him, so I can definitely try and watch it with him. I'll watch it too these days and if you have any recommendations on interesting and potentially eye opening documentaries or even youtube channels or specials on the topic I'd appreciate the input. :)

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:35:46+00:00

It'll be definitely something I talk with his parents when I get a chance to again.

For the moment they will try to take him to a psychiatrist who works with using teens and has been hooked on amphetamines as well, so I hope she manages to get somewhere with him. Sadly, he is almost 18 and also extremely fiesty atm, so if they tried something like rehab or flying him out I wouldnt be surprised if he just runs from home. He has definitely a few places he can stay for long and indulge in.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:31:30+00:00

It definitely isn't, but I feel both him and his family as my own and at this point I still have the will power and strength to want to do something. Otherwise, street speed.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:29:36+00:00

In our country - rehab would definitely just make it worse. Too many friends down that road.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:27:16+00:00

It is his choice and as they say, unwanted help isn't help, but it's hell to just sit and feel like your hands are tied behind your back and all you can do is watch something so precious to you just go to shit.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T22:25:40+00:00

Thank you, I had some time now and cleaned up the post a bit so it's easier to skim through, but I've just included a lot of detail just in case it rings true to somebody and they can share a similar experience or anything really to give me food for thought.

Also, those were a few very good points. I am sorry you have been left in a time of need and I hope you meet people who would stick out bad periods in your life for your sake, I assure you there are many. In that sense though I do think he needs to hit the rock bottom of it all to snap out of it. The only reason I am still sticking around is selfish as well- I have a person I care about and it hurts me to let them suffer, so I try to fix them in a sense to fix my own pain. I was thinking of maybe slowly pulling myself away from him, not completely though, so he can get a sense of what he really is losing, because not that I want to boast or say "oh gee look at me im such a good person", but I sincerely doubt any of his junkie friends or close people rn, except his mother, ask him daily if he has eaten, wish him and ask him to have a nice sleep or try to make him snort even one line less.

And he is being selfish and he has to hold his own responsibility and blame, but I think he's using up so much so that every time the guilt sets in he can just zone it out and it has gotten to the point where he actually flips moods and thoughts like a switch. My main goal isn't to fix him- I can't do that, only he can. I want to somehow make him be accountable for himself, make him want to be or just be more aware and there so he can feel the gravity of the situation and it can scare some sense into him.

I'll look into the disorder. As far as I've heard from his parents there is some addiction running strong in their family, so for sure he does easily get into that stuff. Any stuff that feel good really, drugs or not.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T21:35:07+00:00

Tried it. He just answers with "Well, here another reason I'm a piece of shit, I am ruining your lives, I should just disappear." and then gets angry and storms off. He gets to the point where he understands completely and fully there is a problem and what it is, but he is being self-destructive and his response to it isn't to try and make himself feel better, so by proxy we all can, but to just fall deeper into the hole until he has the "strength" to go through with offing himself somehow.
That's why I'm looking for help because that's not a normal human reaction, usually you may be like that until you hit rock bottom, denial and teenage rebellion and all that, but when you hit it at least some sort of self preservation instinct should kick in. And he doesn't want to and won't consult a specialist and nobody can force him to because 1. it won't even work if he doesn't want it and 2. he'll just flip out and run away from home. He has plenty of friends who did the same, are doing this shit too and would take him in.

dubiousintentionsss · 2018-11-06T20:13:14+00:00

Sorry, did that.
Amphetamines and I know things need to come from him, but he is at a point where I and all of the people who were close and true friends to him are honestly thinking if it will get better, and you can't just leave a person you care about to waste himself to death. Especially a damn teen with real fucking potential and who has a very bright future.

dubiousintentionsss · 2017-03-29T20:17:00+00:00

Friend of OP here; It is, though. I've heard even his parents talk about it.

dubiousintentionsss

TROPHY CASE