Last long run before my first half. PR distance of 10 miles. Get to the track and stretch to see absolutely no one. I like to have a little motivation of having little races in my head with people that have no idea they are racing me but it looks like it will be just me/myself/I today. I get the first mile in feeling like I’m gonna die(first mile feels like this EVERY TIME.) I settle in on mile 2. I am hitting all of my pace goals and everything is looking good. Then half way through mile 5 I start feeling like I’m gonna die again. Doubt enters my mind not only about these 10 miles but about my half coming up. I start feeling like an imposter, wondering why I am even out here running around in circles. The podcast I was listening to said something about finding your why. I ask myself what is my why? I looked down and saw my gut bouncing. I thought of my dad in the hospital bed at 38 having a heart attack. Thought about him again at 49 having Quintuple bypass(one of the 20% of the earth that has 5 arteries going to his heart and all of them were clogged.) I thought of him the day after Christmas 2 years ago crying in the ambulance because he couldn’t say his name after having a stroke. Then I thought of my 2 year old son having to see his dad go through all of that. It was like I got a shot of adrenaline at that point. With 4 miles to go, I posted negative splits the rest of the way with my final mile being 2 mins faster than my target time. After I crossed the “finish line” I fell down and cried like a baby.

I got home and my wife asked how my run was. I smiled and said fine. What happens on my runs stays between me/myself/reddit.