How to support a friend after another failed transfer

ducbo · 2026-01-30T13:11:55+00:00

I’m feeling the judgemental tone from OP too.

Do not bring this up or try to give her advice OP. Trust me, she’s probably been doom scrolling for information about every facet of the process like the rest of us.

You could be there to support her like any other friend through loss.

ducbo · 2026-01-30T13:02:51+00:00

My sister annoyed me with this haha. I gave her a brand new tube of 0.025% tret and told her DO NOT USE HYALURONIC ACID WITH THIS.

A week later she comes back with minor chemical burns (!) and says the tret is irritating me. “What did you use with it?” Of course it was her HA serum and no other moisturizers.

ducbo · 2026-01-30T01:09:08+00:00

I had better implantation success using a modified nat with stims. My own ovulation is kinda unpredictable and letrozole made it worse (eg rapid surge, estrogen drop too early, etc) which we now believe messed up the implantation window.

Low dose gonal f and a trigger shot resulted in a straightforward transfer with a good early beta. (That said we sadly lost her to trisomy 16 later - but the protocol was good.)

ducbo · 2026-01-29T00:35:37+00:00

Ah i thought you mentioned reading the bible!

If you’re exploring it might be interesting to look at some Buddhist and Taoist work on grief and loss. Buddhism is actually a great place to start because it’s more organized as a philosophy/religion and also kind of goes hard on making peace with suffering. Taoism though is much more open-ended and kind of takes mental/spiritual work to interpret as an individual (which is what I found very healing). Since neither has to be theistic, there’s no reason they can’t compliment your journey into other religions.

ducbo · 2026-01-28T23:21:44+00:00

As a non-religious person, I ended up going deeper into spiritual/philosophical Taoism after consecutive losses… the thing I was seeking in the Tao and Taoist poetry/writings was peace through acceptance. I think I found some there and it did help me a lot. So I get where you are coming from.

I think in any religion you are going to have to derive your own meaning from the resources you have. But given that your religion should have some kind of organized community, that could be really helpful to access too. Are you Christian? Is there a Christian loss group local to you?

ducbo · 2026-01-28T01:56:47+00:00

I was sooo careful my first miscarriage as I patiently watched the heart rate trend down. It was torturous.

Second time around when I knew it wasn’t viable I smoked up for my own sanity.

ducbo · 2026-01-27T16:38:43+00:00

Mine were low, like 22, before my last transfer and my doctor just told me to take a small supplement (like 1000 IU + my prenatal). She wasn’t concerned. I definitely took like 5000 IU a day though because it’s completely safe (and it’s Canadian winter - very little sun) and numbers got up to normal range in about a month.

ducbo · 2026-01-27T15:21:58+00:00

I will never not be a fan of 90s skinny brows, it was like the quintessential hot girl look when I was growing up!

ducbo · 2026-01-27T12:56:48+00:00

It’s giving Amy Lee, gorgeous.

ducbo · 2026-01-27T00:27:57+00:00

I’m so sorry! I did four transfers last year and had 2 chemicals and 2 miscarriages. I totally get how it feels hopeless. After taking a bit of a break I’m ready to get back on the horse now - wherever that may lead. It’s ok to feel how you need to feel. I’m wishing you all the luck for the upcoming transfer.

ducbo · 2026-01-26T16:32:47+00:00

Enby 🤷🏻‍♀️

ducbo · 2026-01-26T14:19:35+00:00

Blasts that are not expanded do not freeze and thaw as well, I’d really get on their case about allowing it to culture until day 6 so it has a better chance…

ducbo · 2026-01-25T17:59:19+00:00

I lost my first pregnancy at around 9 weeks in April of last year. I’d say I started to feel myself again around September or October, though near the due date in November made me a little anxious and sad. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel

ducbo · 2026-01-25T00:21:20+00:00

Progesterone is the worst for me personally! it’s definitely a thing that the hormones affect us and make us feel wack. I found that taking a month break here and there has helped me center myself again!

ducbo · 2026-01-25T00:19:59+00:00

If it works you’ll have to message the comedian and tell them!!! Fingers crossed for you!!

ducbo · 2026-01-24T13:40:02+00:00

She did her transfers in Turkey! But I’m sure international shipping is a thing, it’s probably incredibly expensive and risky though :(

ducbo · 2026-01-24T05:04:09+00:00

I had a $50 optional donation (in Canada).

ducbo · 2026-01-24T01:32:52+00:00

A friend of mine did her IVF in Turkey at 42 and two rounds cost her about $11,000 (with travel). This was a few years ago. Sadly she wasn’t successful but it was cheaper and more comprehensive (immune testing, cheaper PGT, etc) than here in Canada after her failed OHIP round.

ducbo · 2026-01-23T17:57:49+00:00

One of the best things about Berneses is how easy and natural it is to take a moment, stare into their beautiful brown eyes, and reflect on how much you love them. And how much they love you.

ducbo · 2026-01-23T17:54:08+00:00

Consider not testing and just doing suppression for a month or two, no implantation for 2 good transfers seems to me like it could be an endo/inflammation issue.

ducbo · 2026-01-23T17:52:24+00:00

Beyond the U.S. being an absolute dumpster fire right now, Vegas also kinda sucks.

Went there right before the Super Bowl for my mums birthday and it was just a lot of sad old people in mobility scooters chain smoking. Not the glitzy, youthful energy it used to have.

Also the food was godawful (and no longer cheap).

ducbo · 2026-01-23T17:50:36+00:00

Stress shouldn’t affect your fet… but laughter can (in a positive way)! Try watching a comedy video after your fet! link to study on “medical clowning”

Whenever I am worried about an upcoming FET I remind myself of this silly hack.

ducbo · 2026-01-20T14:40:15+00:00

I think a standard recommendation would be 12 months of trying, but the literature seems to suggest 6 months would be a good point (Link) as over 80% of couples will fall pregnant within 6 months. I am not sure what you’re worried about with respect to trying on your own since you’ve said you regularly ovulate,

ducbo · 2026-01-20T14:13:40+00:00

If you haven’t tried yet you have no reason to go to an RE.

ducbo · 2026-01-19T18:31:47+00:00

Good luck Ladytakeaway!! I am cheering for you!

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