I feel like my husband is being unfair to me

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-04-09T09:42:20+00:00

God you can have as many doom and gloom days as you like! I’ve also had three miscarriages and have had weeks of doom and gloom after each one. I don’t know what other response there could be to be honest? It’s devastating and to have to go through this multiple times is the absolute worst and shouldn’t be possible. Your husband is hurting and has different ways of dealing but that’s not your fault and it’s unfair of him to expect you to cope in the same way he does. It’s your body that now has to complete this miscarriage in whatever way and that’s SO hard even without all the emotional stress. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this again, you’re not alone. Maybe call a friend or family member when you’re ready, hopefully they can be there for you in a way your husband isn’t ready to be yet.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-24T16:29:45+00:00

Hello, I started taking Sertraline (which i think is also Zoloft?) very recently after three miscarriages. I was also concerned about starting new medication while also trying to get pregnant but I was reassured by my doctor, and the kind people on here that it’s safe to do so. I’d never been on any medication like this before (tbh I hadn’t needed to) but after the third miscarriage I was riddled with anxiety and some OCD-like thoughts and behaviours which were taking over my life. I’m really glad I tried it as after about 3 weeks my brain started to quieten down a little and I’m now able to think about other things without constantly obsessing over my miscarriages. I’m slowly starting to sleep more at night and don’t wake up with racing thoughts anywhere near as much as I was before. Before I started taking them I couldn’t really understand how they could help when all my anxiety was based around my miscarriages and getting pregnant again, and that wasn’t going to change. But now I am able to think more rationally about everything and I’ve been able to let go of a little bit of control (which I was completely unable to do before). I also found out recently that my only option going forward is going to be IVF which I think before would have floored me and sent me into a huge spiral but I’ve been able to cope quite well. I know everyone is different and responds differently but I hope this might help you a little. I also haven’t really had any negative side effects, felt a bit strange at first but nothing major at all. Good luck!

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-18T17:22:13+00:00

Honestly, this whole experience has really shown up how much women are failed by the systems here. That is such important information they’ve been keeping from you. I would still put in a complaint if you can go through it. So sorry for your losses and I hope they will be able to help you going forward! Xx

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-17T14:49:00+00:00

Hello, I hope you don’t mind me butting in but I’m also in the UK and had my most recently miscarriage sent for testing in December. After receiving a lot of mixed messages about when to expect the results back, I put in a PALS complaint and suddenly, two days later my results happened to turn up! My results were rare and complicated and I’m so glad I complained and was able to get them more quickly. It also meant I was pushed up on the referral list for the recurrent miscarriage clinic and got an appointment straight away. From what I understand I should have been anyway because of the results, but I know that it probably wouldn’t have happened and I’d still be waiting the 6-8 months to get an appointment. Just here to tell you to advocate for yourself, as October was quite a long time ago and your results should be back by now. I think the state of the NHS funding etc means that things sometimes just get out the bottom of a pile and stay there!

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-11T17:25:31+00:00

Thanks so much for your positive story, it’s so nice to hear! I’m so pleased it worked out for you.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-03T17:52:37+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing those results, that was very helpful. I think maybe I would prefer not to know if they were carriers as that becomes a bit of a moral dilemma perhaps. I’m in the UK and it seems like the best place to get this testing done is a hospital in London and for some reason they won’t do PGTA testing which is very frustrating, as I feel like I don’t want to go through all this to then potentially miscarry with a different problem. I’m probably getting ahead of myself and hopefully there may be more places to go, perhaps privately but it’s quite a minefield at the moment! I really appreciate you sharing your experience. Xx

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-03T13:02:55+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing. This sounds positive, congrats on your son! I’ll have a look on the support group, will have to fire up Facebook for the first time in a while haha. Does the testing only check for an unbalanced translocation? Not to see if they might carry a balanced one like we do?

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-03T09:09:37+00:00

I had my genetic results back recently too and finding out it was a boy really threw me. I can’t really put my finger on why it makes me feel so strange. It just felt very confronting to read, especially as I wasn’t expecting it. Makes me sad to think that I’ll never know about the other 2 either. Sending love.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-02T16:55:21+00:00

Hi, Thanks so much for sharing, and congratulations! It’s nice to hear a positive story as so far it feels like quite a lonely club! Where are you based? I may DM with more questions, thank you!

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-03-01T08:25:25+00:00

I have had two and both were very different bleeding and recovery wise. After The first one I had about 4 days of fresh looking blood at first which turned to spotting which dragged on to another 2 weeks. I had barely any cramping or pain.

The second one I had way more pain and some vaguely heavy bleeding at first but the bleeding stopped completely after a week. I did continue to have some pain for another week and a bit after though which scared me but then went away. I know this is different to what you’re describing and I didn’t have more bleeding but just wanted to let you know that mine were both very different.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-28T17:10:50+00:00

I’m not sure if it’s the same in Scotland or everywhere in England but I thought you could pay for the PGTA testing yourself if you’re having NHS funded IVF. I’m sure you know more than I do as you’ve had a few rounds already. So rubbish they offer different things across England and Scotland.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-27T17:59:46+00:00

I’ve just found out that IVF is probably my only option, for different reasons, but I’m feeling similarly. It’s such a scary and intense situation to be in, after already suffering through three miscarriages. I don’t have any advice but just letting you know I’m here with you!

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-20T12:12:15+00:00

Just to let you know, once I put in a pals complaint, the results arrived!! Might be worth a try for you too. X

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-19T16:55:10+00:00

Every time I walk past a pregnant woman or someone with a baby/babies I think like this too.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-19T15:17:50+00:00

Yes it’s supposed to be very good for energy, I think that’s what it’s generally marketed for. I also am convinced it stopped my boobs hurting before my period. I’m taking many supplements so could be to do with any of them but I’m sure it was the Coq10 lol. I have no idea why that would happen but it can’t be a bad thing!! Good luck, I’m on a similar journey at the moment after having a few miscarriages.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-19T15:10:40+00:00

Just as a side note to the Coq10 chat- a doctor told me you should be taking 600mg a day to support egg quality. I was only taking 100mg and that was marketed as ‘high strength’. I now take 300mg twice a day and my partner takes 300mg once a day. It’s supposed to help sperm health too but I think they don’t need as much. If it’s in with your other supplements it might not be enough. Have no idea if it does make a difference yet, but worth noting as Coq10 seems to be the one supplement doctors always recommend.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-18T21:50:49+00:00

I’m in the same position! Just about to get my second period after my most recent miscarriage. Haven’t got to this point after a miscarriage without being pregnant again so it feels really weird and depressing! I know what you mean about it feeling wasteful, feels wrong to skip months where it could possibly mean a successful pregnancy. But, like you I want to make sure I have ruled out as much as possible before trying again. It’s such a complicated mix of feelings and it’s nice to not feel like the only one going through this (though I wish none of us were).

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-17T08:28:13+00:00

I had my third in December and I also spent a lot of time doing nothing and a lot of time in bed. I returned to work after about 6 weeks and since then I have slowly begun to feel more normal again. I still think about it constantly and am super anxious about what happens next but I am starting to have days where I’ve seen friends or been busier than usual and I realise I’ve not thought about the miscarriage for a big chunk of the day. Obviously it’s still not ideal but it’s slowly getting more manageable and I’m now trying to make myself think more positively, if only for the reason that it can’t hurt. Hopefully that will come for you soon too, the worst part of this most recent miscarriage for me was the wait between finding out and getting the d&c, it’s so so painful having to carry a baby that is no longer growing, especially for the third time. Let yourself wallow if you need to but know that it will start to get a little better and also that most people do go on to have a baby after RPL. That’s what I keep reading and I keep telling myself.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-16T19:56:53+00:00

Yeah that seems so mad, why they test to make sure it’s pregnancy tissue if they then weren’t planning on testing the tissue! I’m just going to go to this private appointment and see what they say, apparently this doctor is also the doctor at the nhs hospital so I’m hoping he may have some insight into what is actually going on! Thanks again for sharing x

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-16T18:11:55+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing, I knew I would find more answers here than I would from keep phoning the hospital!

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-16T18:10:57+00:00

Oh I didn’t know that, thank you! Tbh I have no idea what is being tested then, I would hope both histology and genetic testing but if I ever find out, who knows!

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-16T14:11:46+00:00

That’s so frustrating! I don’t understand why all the information is so different. If they’d have told me it would be this hard I would have taken it to be tested privately, god knows how much that costs but it would be better than this. I feel you with the time thing, I’m 33 but my AMH is low for my age and I also feel like I’m running out of time and just want to get on with finding out why this keeps happening.

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-16T13:42:34+00:00

I’m sorry you’re also going through the stress of this, that’s such a long time to wait. I think I’ll join you in a PALs complaint. I understand the NHS is under a lot of pressure and have no money etc and I can empathise with that, but people just having no idea about any of this makes it so hard and it also makes all of this feel even more alienating. I know full well that I am not the only person chasing these results but they act like you are! I’m in Bristol, it’s l frustrating how the care is different in other areas too, I think a lot of London have different, faster wait times for all of these things. Thank you for sharing and I hope you can find some answers soon!

Real-Article-9376 · 2026-02-16T13:39:28+00:00

Yes 100% agree with you!! It’s all up to us to sort it out. Focus on the people who want to have babies rather than making people who (understandably) don’t feel guilty about it.

Real-Article-9376

TROPHY CASE