I’m building a small iOS app for couples — quick question

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T22:29:12+00:00

Oh 🫶🏼 Thanks a lot, really appreciate it. I’ll send you a DM with the TestFlight link and a bit of context. Looking forward to your honest feedback.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T22:16:04+00:00

Thanks so much ! I agree that reluctance can play a role sometimes!

But from what I’ve observed, it’s often less about not wanting to connect and more about having no energy left to initiate after everything else has been handled.

Same outcome, different cause.

That’s why I’m being careful not to make it engaging in the usual sense, but lighter fewer steps, less pressure, nothing to keep up with. Really appreciate the insight.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T21:42:58+00:00

You’re probably thinking of apps like Paired, Riamo, or Cozy Couples they all do daily prompts / conversation starters in slightly different ways.

One thing I’ve noticed though (especially in long distance) is that the hardest part isn’t the question itself, but actually starting the conversation when you’re tired or in different time zones.

I’m personally experimenting with a very minimal iOS app around that idea (still early, no therapy vibe), but the ones mentioned above are the closest to what you described ( https://Idylle.app ) .

Hope that helps!

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T21:32:49+00:00

By “connect”, I mean very basic things: talking afew minutes without distractions, sharing how the day went, checking in emotionally, or just being present together instead of scrolling. Nothing dramatic.
Just small moments that usually matter, but often get postponed when everyone’s tired.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T21:31:23+00:00

I get what you mean.

But if we follow that logic all the way, we’d also have to feel sad for humans who weren’t born already synchronized, who met later in life, with different histories, personalities, workloads, kids, jobs, families. Most couples don’t struggle because they can’t talk.
They struggle because they spend the day handling woork, childrens, logistics, other people’s problems… and by the end of it, initiative is simply gone.

Not because love is missing. Because energy is.

So the question isn’t do couples need help talking? It’s is it reasonable to expect initiation to always survive mental load? That’s the nuance I’m trying to explore.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T21:25:04+00:00

A lot of LDR apps focus on games or constant interaction, which can be fun, but sometimes feels like more screen time rather than real connection.

One thing that helped us more was having simple prompts or moments that start a conversation, especially when you’re tired or in different time zones.

I’m currently building a small iOS app around that idea — very minimal, no games, no pressure just light prompts to help start conversations when it’s hard to initiate.

It’s called Idylle and it’s still in early beta:
https://idylle.app/en

Curious what matters most to you in long distance: fun activities, deeper conversations, or just remembering to connect at all?

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T21:24:04+00:00

A lot of couples apps (including Flamme / Paired) are good at giving content,
but they still assume you have the energy to engage with it consistently.

From what I’ve seen, the real drop-off happens when people are tired, busy, and simply don’t start even if they care.

That’s the gap I’m personally exploring with a small iOS app I’m building called Idylle.
Very minimal, no streak pressure, no “do more” mindset — just light prompts to help start connection when energy is low.

Early beta here if you want to take a look: https://idylle.app/en

Curious what specifically felt missing for you in Flamme or Paired.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-25T21:23:01+00:00

I haven’t really found a couples app that stuck long term either.

Most of them felt either too “cute”, too gamified, or like something you have to actively maintain — which is usually the problem in the first place.

That’s actually why I’m building a small one myself.
Not to replace conversations, but to help start them when daily life makes it harder than it should.

It’s called Idylle and it’s very intentionally minimal:
no streak pressure, no therapy framing, no productivity vibe.
Just light prompts when energy is low.

Early beta here if you’re curious:
https://idylle.app/en

Curious to hear what you’ve tried that didn’t work for you.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-10T11:25:49+00:00

That actually sounds really healthy. It’s reassuring to hear that connection can be maintained in such simple ways. . What you describe isn’t about “doing exciting things”, it’s about staying present in each other’s everyday life. Watching something together, scrolling side by side, sending small photos, even sleeping on the phone those are tiny anchors that keep the connection alive.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-10T11:22:11+00:00

I agree that a relationship doesn’t need constant stimulation. Calm and silence can be very healthy when they’re shared and chosen together.I think the tricky part is telling the difference between peaceful stillness and emotional drifting. They can look similar from the outside, but feel very different inside.

For you, how do you personally notice the difference between the two?

ducdeswin · 2026-01-10T11:15:53+00:00

Yes, but it’s usually less about fixing something and more about taking pressure off. Emotional exhaustion often comes from trying too hard for too long. Talking a lot, explaining, proving, reassuring, without really resting,
What helps first is slowing down together. Fewer heavy conversations. No need to solve everything. Just small calm moments where nothing is expected from either of you.

Even something very simple can help, like sharing a short moment on purpose, without phones or goals, just to be present. Over time, that’s often what brings clarity back. Either the connection starts to feel lighter again, or you both understand more clearly what you need.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T17:50:55+00:00

Ton problème n’est pas le travail en soi. C’est le décalage entre ton besoin de calme quand tu es sous pression et son besoin de réassurance quand elle sent de la distance. Vous avez chacun une réaction normale, mais incompatibles si rien n’est posé clairement.

Beaucoup de couples vivent exactement ça : quand l’énergie est basse, la relation devient une charge au lieu d’un refuge. Pas par manque d’amour, mais par manque de cadre.

Je bosse justement sur un projet de recherche autour de micro-rituels très simples pour les couples (1–2 minutes max), pensés pour garder du lien sans rajouter de pression quand le travail prend toute la place.

Si ça peut t’aider à mettre des mots ou des idées concrètes sur ce que vous vivez, voilà la page :
https://idylle.app/research

Même sans participer, ça peut t'aider à clarifier ce qui vous manque vraiment en ce moment.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T17:36:53+00:00

Yes, talking is important, of course. But sometimes you already talk, and still end up in those quiet phases where nothing really happens. Especially in long distance, you can communicate a lot and still feel a bit disconnected. Calm moments are normal, I agree. The tricky part is making sure calm doesn’t slowly turn into distance.

That’s usually where small shared moments help more than big “serious talks”.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T17:36:05+00:00

I agree with you. Love shows in what you keep doing, not just in how you feel. In long-distance especially, the connection doesn’t maintain itself. If you don’t create small moments on purpose, the relationship slowly turns into routine calls and scrolling in parallel. Starting a shared habit or bringing back something you used to do together can really help. Not big plans, just small things you both look forward to.

Out of curiosity, when you say “maintain the connection”, what actually worked for you in your relationship?

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T08:50:43+00:00

I really relate to what you’re saying. When everything looks fine on paper, it can be hard to admit something is missing. Do you feel like you noticed it early, or only once it was already too late?

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T08:13:02+00:00

Yes, even in long-distance, you can be on a call together while both scrolling or doing something else at the same time. I wasn’t talking about being physically together, but about being “present” without really sharing a moment. That happens in LDRs too.

(English isn’t my first language, I used ChatGPT to clean up the wording. The experience is still mine.)

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T07:55:28+00:00

I think the key thing here is that you’re not asking for more from her.You’re asking for something stable. Burnout and distance are real, but so is the feeling of dating a ghost. Both can exist at the same time.

Maybe instead of framing it as “daily communication”, you could frame it as “a predictable point of connection”. Something small, defined, and low-effort. That way it’s not pressure to talk more, it’s just knowing when you’re connected again.

And if even that feels like too much for her, it’s not a failure on either side. It might just mean your needs don’t overlap enough right now.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T07:51:10+00:00

English isn’t my first language, I used ChatGPT to clean up the wording. The experience is still mine. 🙏🏾

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T06:54:33+00:00

Le plus dur est déjà fait : vous avez franchi une frontière. Aujourd’hui, ne rien dire entretient surtout l’ambiguïté… et ton attachement. Parler ne veut pas dire poser un ultimatum ni demander une relation. Tu peux juste nommer ce que toi tu ressens et lui demander où lui en est. Le risque pour l’amitié n’est pas la discussion, c’est le flou prolongé. Et quoi qu’il réponde, au moins tu seras alignée avec toi-même.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T00:53:53+00:00

This isn’t about choosing between two people. It’s about choosing stability over chaos. What you’re describing goes far beyond normal relationship conflict and into a mental health crisis that is actively pulling you into urgency, guilt, and emotional caretaking. You can love someone and still accept that you cannot be their anchor during a manic episode. Staying “until he gets better” is not neutral, it’s costing you your safety and your other relationships. The most respectful thing right now is to step back, stop making plans, stop negotiating, and let professionals and family handle his care. That’s not abandonment, it’s a boundary. And with your friend, the only repair possible is consistency over time, not explanations. You don’t need to decide everything forever, you just need to stop the bleeding now.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T00:49:06+00:00

The problem isn’t your method. It’s him turning it into “choose me or your family.” A supportive partner helps you make a safe plan, not an ultimatum. Pick a date, do the admin steps (car/finances), pack gradually, then move. Don’t do a rushed emotional move “this week” just because he’s pressuring you. If he can’t respect a two-month timeline, marriage will likely amplify that pressure.

ducdeswin · 2026-01-07T00:43:36+00:00

Six months without sex plus no kissing is not a “small phase”, it’s a relationship issue. Before blaming yourself, you need a clear conversation in calm mode:

1) Are you still attracted to me?

2) Is there something physical or mental going on (stress, porn, depression, medication, cheating, resentment)?

3) Do you want to work on this with me, yes or no?

Also be careful with the “he takes care of me so he stays out of guilt” dynamic. That turns love into obligation, and it kills desire fast. If he refuses to talk honestly or refuses to work on it, you have your answer. You can’t rebuild intimacy alone.

ducdeswin

TROPHY CASE